Relationship conflicts are common and, to some extent, healthy. But they become a problem when those involved are unable to resolve their differences and their frustration causes hurtful situations , often unintentional. Poor communication and an inability to manage emotions are the cause of many marital conflicts , and perhaps something as simple as learning emotional intelligence could prevent most of them.
Monogamous relationships are the most common type of romantic union in human societies. And, although these tips are valid for any type of relationship between humans (even friendship or family), we are going to focus the theme on romantic relationships between two. When two people share time together, especially when they live together, it is common for couples to conflict, situations of disagreement and disagreement between the parties.
Also, when you spend time in a relationship, trust can lead to very enriching situations; But this also has a downside: both the emotions and actions of the other begin to be taken for granted; which is nothing more than a communication problem. When it is said that communication is the foundation of a couple, it is not a cliché. Recognizing one’s own feelings, and knowing how to communicate them properly (while exercising an active listening to the emotions of the other) is a fundamental behavior for a healthy adult.
On the other hand, a good part of the problems of a couple derive from the fact that one party (or both) is incapable of assuming responsibility, both for their actions and their emotions. We must understand that when we feel discomfort towards a situation, instead of blaming an external agent, it is more effective to ask ourselves what we can do ourselves about it to improve.
This is related to the management of frustration and emotions. Identifying emotions and trying to regain emotional stability by ourselves, without depending on others, is one of the greatest guarantees of autonomy and freedom that a person can enjoy.
Attention: this does not mean that all problems should be solved alone. Sometimes, we will need the help of the other, and he must show the same proactive attitude to manage conflicts ; otherwise, it is very difficult for a healthy relationship to exist between the parties.
And as healthy adults who we aspire to be, who have relationships that aspire to be enriching and healthy, the tips that follow will be helpful even if you think your relationship is fully stable.
However, if you are unable to resolve both a couple and individual conflict, it is advisable to ask a professional psychologist for help. There is nothing wrong with doing so, and you will ensure that you receive the specialized help you need.
1. Find an ideal place and time to discuss and dialogue , instead of blaming yourself in situations where it is not possible to negotiate with your partner.
2. Train the ability to resist critical moments without losing self-control. Avoid both aggressiveness and submission.
3. You have to face the problems, without taboo subjects . Trying to get the conflict to emerge as late as possible only makes it break out.
4. Do not attribute ill will to the other . Disagreements are due to conflicts of interest, they are not gratuitous attacks.
5. Ask open questions and attend to the other party’s answers , without interpreting their messages. It is necessary to avoid that one of the two monopolizes the meeting.
6. Replace expressions you (“You don’t pay attention to me”) by expressions I (“I feel poorly attended”). Thus, instead of attacking, we express feelings that the other must respect.
7. Specify the problem without generalizations. It is very important to limit the conflict before you start to solve it.
8. Discuss from flexible, non-dogmatic positions about how things should be done. Explore alternatives without being obsessed with a single exit.
9. Negotiate to meet respective needs in the future. Conflicts are resolved forward, not backward. It is difficult to agree on what happened because our memory is subjective, but we can agree on how we will act from now on.
10. In special cases, it is necessary to resort to the mediation of people who help to decongest the situation.
