Have you ever asked a woman if she was pregnant and she answered with a stern “No”? If so, did you instantly feel the need to be swallowed up by the earth? It is likely that from that moment on you have refrained from making any comment about someone’s physique. This is just one example, but the fear of an embarrassing situation is so serious that it prevents some people from doing such normal things as asking questions in public meetings or seeing the gynecologist for an important checkup.
How can these fears be overcome? New research published in the journal Motivation and Emotion may have found the answer.
The ‘actor’ versus the ‘observer’
The key to dealing with an overwhelming fear of feeling humiliated or embarrassed in public may lie in the perspective we take , the study suggests.
For example, when reading the previous anecdote, you probably put yourself in the place of the “actor”, that is, of the one who feels the need to disappear at the gaffe of the comment. But what if you could limit yourself to a more distant and strictly observant perspective, like that of the reader of this story?
If you were able to adopt the perspective of an observer every time you imagined a potentially awkward social situation, you would have the clue. This is how researchers at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (USA) came to this conclusion.
Studying shame
Jiang and his team conducted three experiments , each with an advertisement that presented an embarrassing situation.
In the first experiment, participants had to watch an advertisement in which someone farted during a yoga class. The second ad featured people looking to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. The third featured a scenario in which someone accidentally burps in front of a potential mate.
The researchers asked the participants how they would feel in these three situations (to what degree they identified with the ‘actor’ or the ‘observer’ perspective), and also tested their reactions.
The study found that people who took the actor’s perspective tended to be much more self-aware in social situations, but that when participants consciously tried to adopt the perspective of an observer, their levels of self-awareness were lowered.
Therefore, training yourself to be an observer and not an actor can significantly decrease discomfort levels and help us to be less evasive.
These findings have profound implications for marketing psychology , explains Li Jiang, leader of the paper. “Avoiding embarrassment forms the basis of attempts to motivate consumers to buy a wide variety of products, from detergents that can fix stains around someone’s neck, to dishwashing liquid that can remove unsightly stains on dishes.”
“Shame prevents us from asking for advice on what we should do, for example, about our rising mortgage bills or unwanted pregnancies. In many cases, if we want to help ourselves, and others, we must overcome our fear of shame in social situations, “he concludes.
Reference: Countering embarrassment-avoidance by taking an observer’s perspective. CA Motiv Emot (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-018-9673-7
