We are not aware of the time we spend a day looking at our cell phones more than our own children. We believe that it is a harmless gesture but it is repeated more than we think; It is what is known as “distracted parenting”, when we look at the mobile screen more than our children .
“It’s a moment, nothing more” or “I can do both at the same time” are the most heard phrases, but the truth is that it has a clear damage for our children, the most affected by our being present but absent .
It happens in squares, in parks, in shopping centers, and there are even those who are walking or driving while looking at their mobile. We are hyper-connected adults, and this is affecting the raising of our own children.
We are concerned about the abuse that our children make of new technologies, video games, tablets. We are concerned when that abuse translates into problems at school, behavior problems or problems establishing social relationships, we are concerned because we sometimes see that it isolates them from both friends and family. But we are not aware of the use that we give to these new technologies, and in the end children are seeing hyperconnected adults and those adults are too often their own parents.
Raising Distracted Parents
Experts have begun to call it “distracted parenting”, that of parents who are but are not there when we spend time with our children.
Because it has become a habit to be almost compulsively aware of mobile alerts and this habit -or really this abuse-, directly and indirectly influences the upbringing of our children.
When they are younger they need to play with their reference adults, their parents, and when they grow up, and even as adolescents, they need to develop a relationship that allows them to talk with them and neither option: playing or talking with our children is compatible with which our attention is given to what our mobile phone demands of us.
How does distracted parenting affect our children?
It is important to establish constructive and positive communication with our children. They need Mom and Dad to be present, not only physically but also their mind, their thinking, their attention, when they are together.
How much time a day do you spend looking at the mobile screen and how much time do you look at your children? We may not realize it or minimize it, but this is how this behavior affects our children:
- It disconnects us from our children : physically we are with them, that is clear, but if we really want to take advantage of a time shared with our children, looking at the phone is incompatible.
- We set a bad example : children do what they see, and if we make excessive use of screens in the presence of children, they will see it as normal.
- They feel ignored : children need to feel that their parents accompany them, listen to them and understand them. If we are permanently aware of the mobile, they feel displaced and invisible.
- They develop a similar behavior with other people : we are their mirror, our behavior gives them guidelines to develop their own behavior, ignoring other people as well.
- You lose their childhood, and your children lose their parents : time with your children is worth gold, do not waste it looking at a screen. Your children will be children only once.
How to avoid distracted parenting
There are simple measures that you can implement from today to avoid being a mobile phone zombie, it seems that the only thing that interests you happens in there. It is not easy when you have a bad habit of use, but it is worth trying to make small changes for the sake of your children. For instance:
- Put the mobile on silence . When you are with your children or go out to the park with them, put the mobile notifications on silence. And avoid looking at it every two minutes.
- Don’t answer calls or messages that can wait . Learn to distinguish what is urgent from what is not. Is what you have to tell me on your mobile so urgent and so important that you can’t wait?
- Turn off your mobile during meals or leave it in another room. It is a moment of family communication that deserves our full attention.
- Establish moments of connection. Establish times when your children are not with you to use the mobile. For example, when they are at school or at night after putting them to bed.
In Babies and more | Set the example and drop your mobile: the more screens parents use, the more screens their children use
