LivingDo not complain about your partner in front of...

Do not complain about your partner in front of the children!: This is how criticism between their parents affects children

Complaining at a given moment is completely normal . Complaints help us to let off steam and it is human to verbalize our discomfort when we feel that we can no longer.

But it is also important to seek solutions and not fall into the habit of constantly complaining, because by doing so we not only run the risk of anchoring ourselves in the negative, but also of emotionally harming the people who listen to us complain over and over again.

This advice becomes even more relevant when it is our children who hear us complain continuously, and even more so when it is our partner and father/mother of the children who we complain about .

And it is that when we talk about raising and educating children, reproaches to the other parent for not doing things as we do, are usually the order of the day. But no matter how subtle our protests may seem, we should never complain about our partner in front of the children . You want to know why?

The complaint establishes us in pessimism and helplessness

To begin with, and as we have commented on many occasions, parents are the mirror in which our children look at themselves from birth. They learn everything from us, from the way of seeing and understanding the world, to social norms or how they should relate to others.

Complaining is a habit that establishes us in negative thinking, pessimism and helplessness.

In this sense, if they listen to their father or mother continually complain (it doesn’t matter what or who), we will not be teaching them to seek solutions to conflicts, to express themselves with respect and assertiveness, or to control their emotions.

Complaints do not solve problems

Children must understand that it is one thing to externalize our discomfort at a given moment, and quite another to constantly complain without filters . Because the complaint, when it is just that, is something not very functional that does not help us at all.

Behind a complaint there is often a real demand , a need that has to be covered, so the only way to solve the problem is by talking about it with the other party and seeking agreements together.

This is the best example we can give our children.

Children should not be witnesses of couple conflicts

When it comes to raising and educating children, there may be behaviors or ways of acting of our partner with which we do not agree or even especially bother us. But if there is something that must prevail above all, it is mutual respect.

Of course we can have discrepancies, and nothing happens if at a given moment we show disagreement with our partner in front of the children . But it is important that these discussions be done with absolute respect, leaving empty complaints and reproaches aside, and focusing on finding constructive solutions.

In addition, we must not lose sight of the fact that we are a team pulling in the same direction for the good of the children, and not two people at war trying to beat each other with criticism.

Criticism labels people

Complaints and daily reproaches of the style “you are exaggerated!”, “you are pampering him too much”, “he does not behave like that with me” “ either I take care of everything , or this is a disaster”, “you are not paying attention” , “but how do you think of dressing the child like that?”, “they were almost asleep, but you arrive and stir them up”. .. are the order of the day in most houses.

But leaving aside the discomfort that this type of criticism can cause in those who receive it (after all, they are judgments that we make towards the other’s way of raising children), the problem is that when we complain like this in front of the children We are making them gradually forge an image of their father or mother based on the labels they listen to us.

But also, let’s reflect, how many of these complaints contribute to perpetuate gender stereotypes related to motherhood and fatherhood? Is that what we want to pass on to our children?

Your child will feel upset

Criticizing your partner in front of the children , discrediting their way of raising or educating, laughing or making a derogatory comment in the presence of the children, is devastating for them .

And it is that dad and mom are the most important people in their life, whom they love with all their soul and their great references, so hearing something negative from either of them will cause them deep sadness, anger or discomfort.

Of course we can all make mistakes at some point, and it is good and healthy to admit it! But we should never highlight the failures of the other parent to our children , because even if we fail or do not do things perfectly, we always act for the good of our children.

In short, parenting is exhausting and sometimes causes misunderstandings between both parents. It is normal that at a given moment we lose our temper and end up complaining or criticizing the other party, but this should not become a habit, and even less so in front of the children.

Photos | Cover (iStock); Photo 1 (Photo by Vidal Balielo Jr. in Pexels); Photo 2 (Tatiana Syrikova in Pexels)

In Babies and More | Now I understand why many couples separate when they have children. What to do when the couple argues about the children? The hamburger technique, Separation with children: when the couple separates, they must remain parents

The 10 Big Mistakes Parents Make When Trying to Apply Positive Parenting to Their...

Positive Discipline is an educational model that is gaining more and more popularity among families who want to educate their children in a respectful way, without yelling or punishment. There are hundreds of articles on positive parenting that we can find on the Internet and social networks, and some include tips and tools to apply it in our day to day.

"Don't talk to strangers": how to get this message across to kids without scaring...

There are children who are very sociable and who talk to everyone. Others who do not fear anything, or who are more innocent... which can also lead them to talk to anyone who approaches them.

The FOMO effect or "fear of missing out" in adolescence: this is how your...

The FOMO effect (Fear Of Missing Out) is defined as "the fear of missing something". And although it is a concept that has become relevant in recent years, it is nothing new. In the late 1990s, Dr. Dan Herman coined this term.

When your children pay more attention to Alexa than to you and you decide...

We live surrounded by technology and it is inevitable that this will be incorporated as one more tool in parenting. In addition to apps that help with things ranging from designing your baby's room to managing the calendar of children with separated parents, devices such as tablets, mobile phones or smart speakers are here to stay. Proof of this is the growing use of Alexa as a timer that children obey without question (or at least without protesting as much as their mother).

"You don't understand me": how to help adolescent children to be less dramatic and...

When they enter the stage of adolescence, there are many boys and girls who can become dramatic in situations that, for parents, do not have the same degree of importance. Thus, in day-to-day situations, they feel that the world is ending, or they live everything with great intensity.