There is a mental exercise that I do often since I am a mother and my daughters began to grow: I try to remember moments from my childhood and evaluate the feelings that they produced in me. Generally, the ones that come to light are those that gave me great joy or great sadness, and the latter have an element that is repeated a lot: they arose because of things that caused me concern.
If there is something that I confirm when I do it, it is that problems have no age , and that the accompaniment of parents is essential to learn to manage them. We have the experience, and through them we can give them very useful tools so that they can cope in any situation.
Their little problems are big for them
It may seem like a very big problem for a small child not to be able to fit a piece of a puzzle, to cut out a little more than he wanted from the blank sheet in his hands, or to have him put on a white T-shirt when he wanted it was blue. They are not wanting to throw tantrums: it is that they have not yet acquired enough codes for their logic to work the same as ours . Obviously this is developed from experiences, so at younger ages, the importance that they attach to the things that happen in their immediate environment depend directly on their experiences.
If a child does not feel that their concerns are taken into account, they will normalize not talking about them … that is why it is essential to build bridges to dialogue on any subject from a very early age. Like fear, the best way to learn to solve problems is to analyze them with a cool head and talk about them with someone who can give us a sensible point of view. It is something that we will do more easily if we are used to it since we are little.
Why saying “nothing happens” is not a good idea
This is the star phrase that usually comes out of our mouth when the child cries, feels frustrated or worried. Obviously we want to calm him down, but in reality what we are doing is denying and devaluing his emotions. What would happen if you told a friend something that for you is a serious problem, and their answer was “nothing happens”? Well, that is precisely what we do when we tell our children, regardless of how old they are.
This, without a doubt, is the path that we must not take . If we want to educate in empathy, we must set an example and start being empathic with them.
Obviously there is no manual to follow about how we should react when the child is sad or worried: we only need love, put ourselves in their shoes and apply common sense . Let him know, in your own way and according to his age, that father and / or mother are with them, listen carefully to the reason why the child has become like this, and of course, offer your help: “Do you want us to repeat The drawing and will I help you? Your white shirt is wet because I just washed it, do we look in the closet for your second favorite? “.
Finally, always keep in mind that making a child’s life easier is not solving problems , but giving them tools so that they can manage them in a calm way, such as giving them the confidence of knowing that they will always have their parents without being judged. .. and that is something that is cultivated since they are babies.
In Babies and More | The calm box to help the child calm down before an emotional outburst: what it consists of and how to use it
