The first outings without the baby are usually complicated. Whether it’s going back to work after maternity leave or having to run an errand alone, those first breakups aren’t usually easy .
And they are even less so, when our baby is already aware that we are leaving and begins to cry when he realizes that we are leaving the house . We feel that our hearts are crushed!
But if it helps you, know that this is a very common situation and one that many mothers go through and we can do some things to make it less difficult. We share some tips to manage this moment with respect and without feeling guilty every time you leave home .
prepare the ground
So that our baby does not go through a bad time when we leave home without him, we need to prepare in advance. By this, we do not mean the same day, but the previous days or weeks .
If one day we suddenly leave the house, it will take our baby by surprise and he will definitely have a hard time . One of the best things we can do to prevent this is to prepare the ground by doing some of the things we share below.
spend quality time with him
This may sound obvious to some, but to others it may even be contradictory: won’t he get more used to always being with me and will the separation be more difficult? Not really. It is proven that the more a baby feels loved and protected, the more secure and calm he or she will be .
Also, spending time with him will help us calm that little voice of guilt that can make its appearance when we go out without him.
Do little drills
The classic advice of all life: start small . A few days or weeks before your first outing, do some “outing” drills at home.
You can leave your baby playing (always taking care that he is not in any danger) and leave the room, to return after a couple of minutes. Little by little, begin to lengthen the time of your absence. Another way to do this is by leaving him with another person that he knows the minutes that you will not be.
This will serve you mainly for two things: that your baby begins to feel comfortable being alone (or with someone other than you) and so that he learns that even if you leave, you will always return to his side .
Don’t sneak out
One of the common mistakes that we usually make when we go out without our children the first few times is to do it secretly, thinking that this way they will not realize that we are not there and they will suffer less. But nothing further from reality.
For a baby, noticing that his mother (who is usually the figure with whom he has the most attachment) has disappeared generates confusion and anguish, since he does not understand when or why she has left , when will she return, or even if she will return soon! absolute!
The best thing will always be to say goodbye when we leave and say hello when we return , both in the drills that we do at home and when we have the real exit. With this you will eventually learn that when we say goodbye, we always come back .
Leave it with someone you know well
This is another very important step for outings away from home. Having a trustworthy person with whom our baby feels comfortable and calm is paramount. In most cases, this is usually the father, but if he cannot be, in many families this person is usually the grandmother or an aunt.
The basic thing, regardless of whether we choose someone from the family or a friend, is that the baby already knows this person through an emotional bond , since it must function as someone who “replaces” mom during the hours that she will not be.
Prepare what you may need
Another thing that we must do before leaving home is to prepare everything that our baby may need. We will have to take into account the schedule (if it will be at his nap time, if he will get hungry before we return, etc.) to organize and prepare the things he may need in our absence .
It is possible that your baby does not cry or even notice that you are not there -especially if he stays with dad or someone he trusts-, but it may also be that no matter how much you prepare, you will not be able to avoid a bad time . If this happens, it is important not to despair or worry.
Remember that your baby is learning and there are many things that he does not yet understand (such as object permanence or people), or he may be going through that stage where separation anxiety occurs. This process, like many others in childhood, can be difficult for him. Try to be patient with him and with yourself.
do not torment yourself
Finally, the time has come to leave home and there are various reactions and sensations that we can experience . On the one hand, there are mothers who feel that “something is missing” or that we even have that famous anxiety about separating from our baby (something that I personally experienced and filled me with doubts and insecurities). On the other hand, there are those who feel guilty when leaving home, either because they have to go to work or because they decided to go out as a couple or with friends.
Whatever your case, you should not torment yourself or feel guilty for leaving your baby for a few hours . Remember that all of us moms have to eventually go out without them for one reason or another. When you return home, hug him, talk to him and give him all your love.
Foto de portada Freepik