After the birth of the first child, great changes take place in the couple’s relationship. They go from being two to three, from being a couple to a family. Everything now revolves around the baby, routines change to meet their needs, roles change … Both are released as parents and naturally this affects the relationship that is going through a transformation process.
And once we were more or less accommodated to the new situation, everything was revolutionized again with the arrival of the second baby. But how does the arrival of the second baby affect the couple, more or less than the first?
Getting back to normal is easier with the second
Many believe that the stress experienced with the arrival of the first baby is repeated and intensified with the arrival of the second child in the family. It has been difficult to get used to the idea of being three and now that we are all “settled”, a new member joins the trio. How does this new change affect the couple?
The care is multiplied by two and this can generate more friction in the couple. Many times the arrival of a baby uncovers the box of thunder and with the second everything worsens.
But on the other hand, there are those who believe that once they get used to their new role as parents with the first baby, the couple consolidates and is better planted to face the arrival of the second child.
A study conducted with more than two hundred couples and published in Couple and Family Psychology points to this theory. It states that couples adapt to the new situation sooner after the arrival of the second child than the first . That is, getting back to normal is easier with the second than with the first.
Couples confessed to experiencing greater stress in their relationship during the first month of life after the birth of the second child, but at four months, most expressed feeling as happy in their relationship as before becoming parents .
Time accommodates everything
Apparently, the couple’s relationship is put more to the test with the arrival of the first child than with the second. It is understandable, since becoming parents modifies us as people, and those new people that we are have to meet again within the couple.
The birth of a child is a wonderful thing, but naturally it changes us, both us and the children, whether it is the first, the second or the sixth. It is a process in which each member of the family rearranges themselves in their own role , and in which understanding, respect and love are essential to cope with it.
Tips for a Newly Parenting Couple
It is important that in addition to having become parents of one, two or more children, the couple does not stop being a couple . Don’t forget these simple tips:
- Find moments for yourselves . Take advantage of when the children sleep to find moments of complicity and intimacy with your partner. A talk, a dinner, a movie … any plan together is a good plan.
- Rescue the good . Stress and daily fatigue make us spend many times billing our partner for those things that he does wrong, or does not do as we want. Remember that no one is perfect, stop blaming yourself and try to start highlighting those things you do well .
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