Are you the oldest, the middle, the youngest? The order in which, by chance, we were born influences in some way our personality and our way of relating to ourselves. The same happens with our children, to whom being the first-born, the middle or the little one determines their role in the family.
We will talk about how the birth order of the children influences their personality and what is the best way to educate each one of them, so that they do not feel limited by where they have been.
Each child is unique
Whether you have two or nine children, the most common is to believe that giving all children the same and to the same extent is the most fair thing to do. But treating and educating your children equally may not be the best strategy, since each child is unique and adapting to the needs of each one individually may be a more appropriate way to raise them.
Regardless of their place in the family, each has their own personality. It is important to focus on the differences that make each child unique , to help them highlight their skills and reinforce their weaknesses, without pigeonholing them.
Have you ever thought about how each one would be if they were born in a different order? We tend to pay more attention to the oldest than to the second and the youngest learns a lot from his older brothers.
In “Free yourself from your place of birth”, the writer and science communicator Elsa Punset invites us to experience life from another place, to break with that stigma. And a good way to put it into practice is through our children. Let’s do the exercise of changing the roles . How would you treat the oldest if he were the second, and the smallest if he were the oldest? Of course, you don’t have to have three children (this is an example). The same is applicable if you have two or seven children.
The order of birth
Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist and author of “The Birth Order Book,” believes that there is a direct relationship between an individual’s personality and birth order .
But, of course, it is not an exact science . It is not a mold that fits all families. Each family has its particular circumstances (what happens when there is more than one middle child?), Each individual has their personality traits and of course, not all have the same parents, therefore restricting the personality to the order in which they are born is a mistake . We are talking about generalized traits, characteristics that have been identified by experts according to the place of birth.
The oldest son
The first-born usually achieves everything he sets his mind to and chooses professions in which he can excel. Strives for success. He is used to being admired and praised, his achievements are recognized and he assumes it naturally.
He likes games and professions in which he can excel. He likes to be the center of attention of his parents. He is a leader, competitive.
“The firstborn are the first in everything … and they are the ones who decide the height of the bar,” says Leman, adding that the majority of presidents in the United States have been firstborn or only children.
The expectations parents place on the first child are not placed on the others. Therefore, they tend to be more responsible, perfectionist and orderly , because they do not want to disappoint.
As parents, we should learn to control the pressure and expectations we place on our older children. Teach them that it is okay to make mistakes, that they do not have to be perfect and that we love them above that.
The middle son
“The role of the second is opposite to that of the older brother, especially if he is of the same sex,” says Punset. Everything he does is because he is different from the oldest and usually goes more unnoticed.
They have less admiration and attention, so they learn to fend for themselves sooner .
Precisely because they are between the oldest and the smallest, the one in the middle is usually the family peacemaker, according to Leman. This causes them to develop greater social and negotiation skills, and they are more loyal in their relationships.
With the seconds we usually make a few mistakes. As parents we should make the medium feel that he is as important as his siblings. Celebrate their achievements, accompany them in their first few times and dedicate time exclusively to them.
The little son
In general, the little one needs to attract attention, so he tends to be more creative, rebellious and fun than other siblings.
They are jokers, cunning and know how to get out of difficult situations. According to Leman, “young children are manipulative, social, outgoing, they sell very well … As children they always get away with it and they know how to win the favor of the people.”
Parents relax and tend to be more permissive with the little ones. We are much less strict with them than we have been with their older brothers.
How is it at home? Does it correspond in your case? Do you think that the order of birth influences the personality of the children? Do you think that as parents, we should do something to free them from that order?
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