Although as mothers and fathers, in general, we always try to seek the best for our children , sometimes unconsciously or involuntarily we reproduce toxic parenting behaviors that should be avoided.
All these behaviors have an important impact on the development of the little ones; However, this article is not focused on judgment or reproach, but on the contrary.
The objective of it is to make visible and bring to consciousness certain toxic behaviors that sometimes, unconsciously, we have with our children.
How to avoid toxic parenting behaviors with your children: 10 key ideas
We talk about some toxic parenting behaviors that we should avoid when raising our children and we offer some key ideas to combat them or not to manifest them . How can we do it? Take note!
Avoid excessive demand
The demand can be beneficial for children to feel motivated and stimulated and give their best. However, in its proper measure, since when this demand is excessive this can generate a lot of pressure.
And that pressure is unnecessary and counterproductive for them, since it causes them discomfort. Therefore, we encourage you to choose to try to get the best out of your children , to motivate them from love and respect for their own rhythms, instead of acting from toxic demands.
Be flexible
Another toxic behavior in parents is intransigence . Of course, it is important to set limits and be disciplined with your children, but it is also important to be flexible with them.
In addition, flexibility offers us the opportunity to see things from another point of view, and this in turn can bring us closer to what our child needs.
No manipules: dialogue
Manipulation implies exercising control over the other , seeking to reduce their capacity for self-criticism. Thus, it is a form of control, a toxic behavior that also harms our children.
The alternatives to blackmail? Dialogue, honesty, sincerity and constructive criticism.
Reinforce and stay away from criticism
Another of the behaviors of toxic parents is the constant criticism of their children. We must avoid this type of criticism, because not only does it prevent them from moving forward, but it can also damage their self-esteem.
Therefore, instead of looking at his mistakes and reproaching him, try to look at his achievements , his learnings, his efforts … And above all, reinforce him!
Stay away from authoritarianism
Authoritarian parents tend to set many rules and norms at home, and are rarely willing to discuss them. They simply enforce them and they must be followed.
But this can also become toxic behavior for your children; In this sense, it is important to agree on the rules , also give them space to express themselves, while promoting their sense of responsibility and setting limits when appropriate.
Do not resort to violence
Although it seems obvious, not to hit or verbally assault children, the reality is that, unfortunately, violent behavior continues in many homes.
It is something that we must avoid at all costs , since violence, whether physical or verbal, has a great impact on children, which can leave them irreversible psychological consequences. In addition, this type of aggressive or violent behavior does not teach them anything , and only encourages fear (or that in the future they may repeat the same patterns with their children).
Don’t put your needs before theirs
Putting your own needs, as parents, before those of your children, can also become a toxic behavior that we must avoid. Instead, identify what your child needs and try to figure out how you can help him get there.
Trade blame for responsibility
Instead of blaming your children for what they do not do well, change this concept to responsibility. Why? Because the feeling of guilt wears a lot , and does not invite us to act; In fact, quite the opposite. It causes us suffering (in this case, suffering for your children).
On the contrary, the fact of taking responsibility for our actions leads us to want to change what we are not so good at , or what we did not do in the best possible way. In other words, it invites us to improve, to learn … And this will always favor your children.
Don’t pay for your frustrations with your children
Another behavior of toxic parents is paying for their frustrations with their children. It is something that we must also avoid; Sometimes we do it unconsciously, but it is something that hurts the little ones equally .
Therefore, practice self-observation and try to identify what is happening to you inside. Is your anger with your children really due to something they have done wrong? Or that you don’t feel good about yourself?
Beware of overprotection
Another way to avoid toxic parenting behaviors is to be careful not to overprotect our children; In fact, it is about accompanying them in their development and growth , in their passage through life, also preventing them from hurting themselves …
But it is not about trying to make them live in a glass urn that protects them forever. In this sense, overprotection hurts them more than it benefits them, because it prevents them from developing autonomy and finding their own way.
“Do not spare your children the difficulties of life, rather teach them to overcome them.”
-Louis Pasteur-
Healthy behaviors: what does benefit them
We have talked about some toxic behaviors of fathers and mothers, which can harm children (sometimes without realizing it).
But what is it that would benefit them in their education , well-being and development? We have mentioned some key ideas, although we will summarize them here as well:
- Educate from love and empathy.
- Listen to what they need without imposing our own needs.
- Respect their rhythms.
- Talk to them lovingly , with an appropriate tone (without yelling).
- Show them that we are available.
- Promote their autonomy.
- Reinforce them for their small daily achievements.
- Remind them that we love them and that we are unconditionally by their side.
- Trust in your abilities.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)
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