When you are expecting and preparing for the arrival of a baby, the usual thing is to wish the child to come healthy and without any major health problem. This is usually one of the ongoing concerns in early pregnancy and actually remains so for the full 40 weeks of gestation, and it is an idea that does not completely leave the mind until the child is born.
Medicine has come a long way in this field and, compared to years ago, when the baby has a problem, it is common to inform the parents of the diagnosis some time before the child is born.
When this happens, this moment is very hard and complicated for them because all the schemes that they had in their head suddenly change, and they have to start to change their attitude and assume the true reality. Before using the term disability, let’s say that you are going to have to understand that your child is going to have different abilities than you a priori imagined.
Many fears, feelings of anger, anger, frustration, guilt, sadness and the question “why?” Will come. it will be the most repeated in the following weeks and months until everything is normalized and incorporated into the day to day.
Each family will put in place certain tools, strengths, abilities and very specific thoughts, to gradually understand the new situation and be able to get the positive out of it. There will always be personal variables that will help or, on the contrary, there may be others that get in the way, that is inevitable.
What we do know is that there are certain guidelines or strategies that will help when news of this type arrives unexpectedly; take note of the following:
– Assimilate the situation and face it . At the beginning of the diagnosis, the denial will be the usual: “this is not possible”, “surely there is some error”, “it cannot be true” … Then the time will come to assimilate and face what is going to happen from this moment .
– Gather information . Once we have assimilated the news and we make it our own, it will be necessary to learn a lot: about the needs of the child, about the available resources, about legal aspects, social assistance … The more information we collect, much better, yes, be careful! Look for information in safe, reliable and quality sites.
– Promote your resilience . Resilience is the ability of human beings to flexibly assume extreme situations and overcome them. When news like this touches us closely, it is essential to have a powerful, cared for and work on resilience, and it is that when a child with different abilities comes into our lives, there is no doubt that we will live and experience situations that are somewhat more difficult than families in those that children are not like that.
– Take care of the couple and the family unit . Many times the mother or father becomes involved and focused so much on being with the child, on caring for their care and their well-being that they neglect the other members of the family unit who may feel displaced (other children, the couple…). This usually happens involuntarily and sometimes unconsciously, so it is worth remembering that the care, education and development of that child should not only fall on one person, that can be exhausting and nothing positive.
– Take care of yourself . In the same way that in the previous point we have explained the importance of caring for and enjoying all the members of the family unit, we can never forget ourselves. It is essential to rest, eat well, enjoy moments of leisure, be able to disconnect … and that is when it is time to dedicate more time to certain tasks for something in particular, in this case the boy or the girl, if the person is mentally and physically strong, It will be easier for you to offer that support.
– Focus on the ‘day to day’ . Families that have a child or family member with different abilities, go little by little, slowly but with good handwriting: they set themselves to achieve realistic goals in a more or less short period of time. They do not think so much about the distant future, but they live the present and the ‘day to day’ more intensely.
– Put the focus on the child. It is important to understand that your child is unique and wonderful, just like everyone else is. When you have truly assumed that their abilities are different or not, they are part of their identity and their essence, you will be happy.
– Practice positive psychology. Focus on and enhance those qualities, abilities, and strengths that your child also has. Search, identify and encourage them, do not stay only on what is most difficult for you to achieve.
Having seen all of the above, I would like to end the article by remembering that the experience of motherhood and fatherhood is always something exceptional, whether or not the child has different capacities.
Your daughter or son will love you above all things and will get smiles out of you when you didn’t even suspect that you could offer them. With its birth you will experience unique feelings and emotions that will make every effort always worthwhile.
Dafne Cataluña, psychologist and founder of the European Institute of Positive Psychology.
