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How to educate children to promote admiration in others and not envy

Educating children is one of the most complex tasks that as fathers or mothers, or caregivers, we can have. And it is that it is a very complex matter that covers many edges to which we must pay due attention.

But, despite this, educating the little ones is undoubtedly a task full of beautiful moments .

And although it may seem a bit difficult at times, there are some tips that can be useful for raising children who become respectful, responsible and happy adults .

In this article we will address the question of how to educate our children to promote admiration and not envy in others.

“Healthy envy does not exist: unfortunately, all envy causes discomfort and is detrimental to achieving our purposes.”

-Jonathan Garcia-Allen-

Envy, a universal emotion

Envy is a very common feeling in human beings and, by extension, in children, even more so in their first years of life. It occurs when others ‘have something that I don’t have’; it can be at a material level, like a toy, or social, referring to interpersonal relationships or certain skills.

In younger children this is evidenced by tantrums or tantrums, and it is not that the child is rude . It is simply that he does not yet have the strategies to regulate his emotions.

And this does not mean that we should let it go as if nothing happened, but rather that we should give him the necessary tools to express himself assertively.

Envy is a badly channeled admiration .

-Monica Gonzalez-

What can we do?

Educating children to promote admiration in others and not envy requires paying attention to their behaviors and demands, as well as having coherence between what we want, think, say and do.

Here are some tips that you can use to raise children who admire and not envy.

Strengthen your self-esteem

A child who feels sure of himself and who knows that his parents and/or caregivers love him will know how to understand that others can be different and that this is okay. This is why not only self-esteem is important, but also self-knowledge.

Knowing that there are things that you are good at (knowing your strengths) and others that may cost you a little more, but that there is nothing wrong with that. We are all different and special in our own way.

not compare

One of the most common mistakes many families, and even some teachers, make is constantly comparing children to one another. This does absolutely no good , even if our intention is to encourage the child to be better.

With this behavior we achieve the opposite effect; By comparing children, we do them no good, we make them feel insecure and they may even doubt whether the love they receive will continue to be the same if they cannot improve. This is a direct attack on your self-esteem.

If you do this, please correct it and avoid doing it again. You don’t have to feel bad, all parents are learning along with their children . It is just a matter of knowing that it is not good and stop doing it to help our children grow up healthy, safe and happy.

teach by example

Our children learn more from what they see than from what we tell them. If we want them not to act envious, it is important that we ourselves are not envious.

Coherence is therefore fundamental within the parenting processes. It is important that you avoid making comments about others that are not pleasant or positive, and much more so in front of children.

It is advisable to even stop doing them even in private, as they do not bring anything good to your life. And above all, act through positive reinforcement ! This will serve as a role model for your children and, in addition, will reinforce their self-esteem.

pay attention and observe

It seems obvious, but it is very important to pay attention to what children say; and we are not referring only to what they verbalize.

The behaviors speak of the internal emotional world of the little ones, who, when they do not know how to put what they feel into words, express it with behaviors that are often negative.

When a child acts with envy, far from bothering us, what we should do is observe what happens to him .

It is the perfect opportunity to assess how your self-esteem is and to help you strengthen it and get to know yourself better. Also, through these actions, we will get to the cause of those envies ; Does he express it because he feels insecure? Negative? Sad?

“Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.”

-François de La Rochefoucauld-

Teach them to transform that envy… into inspiration

As we said before, envy, although it is a universal and natural emotion, and we must validate it, it is also important that we know that it is, in fact, a “badly channeled” admiration, which can also serve as a motor or source of inspiration .

That is why we must accompany our children to ask themselves questions so that they can reformulate that feeling.

For example, if they state that they really like something about someone, we can ask them: why do you like that about this person so much? Is there any of that you would like for yourself? Why?

What inspires you? Logically, adapting our language to their age ; the goal is for them to understand that what they feel can be used as energy to improve, motivate and learn.

It is not an easy task… but trust yourself

Educating children is not an easy job. We know you ‘re doing your best, and that’s something to acknowledge.

Looking for strategies to be better parents, teachers, caregivers, etc., is an indication that you are on the right track and that every day you become a better version of yourself .

Trust your instincts and your criteria, do not blame yourself so much and be consistent with your emotions, thoughts and behaviors. Remember that you are the example to follow for your children and that if you make a mistake along the way, nothing happens.

Just as envy is a human and universal emotion, our behaviors are too, and that is why we are not, nor do we have to be, perfect. Recognize your actions, learn from them and improve. You’re doing it right!

Photos | pexels

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