As parents, it is normal to want our children to have full confidence in us, and to look to us whenever something worries them or they have doubts about how to deal with a problem. But that trust is not obtained overnight, and it is necessary to work from the beginning to obtain it.
Therefore, if you want your children to trust you when they reach adolescence, this is the decalogue of advice that you should follow from their earliest childhood .
1) Listen to your child when he talks to you
The number one rule for getting your kids to trust you is to listen to them when they talk to you, but really listen to them! That is, put your five senses in what they are saying, look them in the eye, ask open questions that make you understand more details about what they are telling you and do not interrupt them when they speak.
2) Pay attention to him when he claims you
Just as we must practice active listening, it is also important to pay attention to him when he claims you and not to act distracted or ignore him.
And it is that if we always find an excuse not to take care of our children when they want to tell us or show us something, or if they perceive that Mom and Dad are always busy , they will hardly come to us when they have a problem.
3) empathize with their concerns
Perhaps what your child tells you seems like a trifle, but for him / her it is not at all. “His things”, his worries, his problems or what has happened to him is important from his vision as a child , so you should not downplay, laugh or trivialize what he tells you.
4) Share with him / her what worries you
Trust must be mutual ; that is to say, we cannot ask our children to trust us, if we do not trust them and we also share our worries or our daily problems.
We do not mean by this that we should overwhelm children with adult concerns, but it is not bad to show your children how you feel, talk about the hard day you have had or what you have not turned out as you expected.
5) Promotes family dialogue
A good way to encourage family dialogue is to talk every day about how we feel , and about the best and worst that our day has had.
Family meetings are also a wonderful resource to express ourselves freely and without judgment, while we empathize with the needs of others and strengthen our bonds.
6) Ask for his opinion
When educating our children we have to do it with respect, love and empathy, giving them the opportunity to express their opinions in the family nucleus and even make them participate in the negotiation of certain limits that affect their education.
If your child feels listened to, respected and has the certainty that their contributions are taken into account and contribute to the proper functioning of their home, your relationship of trust will have solid foundations and will only grow a little more every day.
7) Show him that he can trust you
It is very easy to tell our child in words that he can trust us, but what is really important is to show it with deeds . Therefore, if your child comes to you to tell you about a problem, a mistake he has made or something that has happened to him, you should never judge him for what he has done, but rather give him your selfless help.
8) Don’t say “I told you so”
Another of the big mistakes that parents usually make, and that significantly diminishes children’s trust in us , is to tell them that of “see? I told you so!” .
And it is that on many occasions it gives the feeling that we are wanting our child to make a mistake – of which we had previously warned him – to drop this phrase, without being aware of the harmful that it can be, as it denotes authoritarianism and lack of confidence in them.
Our children must live their own lives, and parents must prepare them to fall and make mistakes, but also to get up and learn from their mistakes.
9) Lend your selfless help
But giving your children the tools to deal with problems and be able to resolve their conflicts assertively does not mean that you should leave them alone.
Our children, no matter how old they are, will always need us and it is important that we be by their side in a respectful way , without continually crushing them for their mistakes or making them believe that without us they will not be able to do things. In other words, our role as parents should be that of a guide and educator , and not that of judges or inquisitors.
10) Respect their privacy
But we all need to have our own piece of independence and privacy , no matter how much trust we have with a person. Exactly the same thing happens to your child, so you should not be upset if there are things that he does not tell you or prefers to share with other people.
The important thing is that he / she knows that you will always be there, especially for the things that are really important. It is essential to give them time when they need it, respect their space and privacy and never violate their privacy , because that would break everything you have built to date with a single stroke of the pen.
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