Children, like adults, go through certain situations or adversities throughout their childhood that are not easy to deal with. In these types of situations, they sometimes require “extra” help, or a type of emotional support that, as parents, we can offer them.
We talk about situations as diverse as a problem with a friend, the divorce of the parents, the death of a loved one or the arrival of a brother, among others. To finish, we reflect at the end of the article on the learning that every experience leaves , whatever type it may be.
Frequent situations and adversities: How do we help you manage them?
What situations do we talk about, how can they live them and how do we approach them with them? We talk about them and discuss some keys to help you manage them:
Fights with other children
Fights with other children can generate sadness in our children, or feelings of loneliness, insecurity … And it is that, at these ages, friendships, as well as the sense of belonging to groups, are issues that become especially important for them.
For this reason, it is important that at home they can verbalize this type of experience. That we ask them, that we inquire into their state of mind and above all, that we create a climate of trust in which they feel comfortable to be able to express how they feel.
We can work with them through strategies that allow them to manage or resolve conflicts, such as: enhancing social skills, negotiation skills, cultivating assertiveness (which includes the ability to set limits and know how to say “no”) , etc.
The arrival of a brother
The arrival of a brother can arouse in our child feelings such as jealousy, the fear of not receiving the same attention from the parents, the feeling of uncertainty about how things will change from now on … It is normal that the arrival from a new member to the family elicits these kinds of feelings in them.
Therefore, we should try to welcome those emotions, allowing them to feel and offering strategies so that they can express them freely.
Communication with them will also be key here: explain the situation well, ask them for possible questions they have, let them know that we will continue trying them and sharing time with them, etc.
Problems at school
Problems at school can be of different types : academic difficulties, problems with classmates, with teachers … This type of problem also generates anguish in the little ones, and for this reason, we must offer them tools that help them manage them in the healthiest way possible.
Here it will be important that they can communicate to us what concerns them (cultivating with them an atmosphere of trust so that they can express themselves). On the other hand, teaching them proper coping strategies can help them; for example, teaching them to deal with the situation that worries them instead of avoiding it.
Disappointments
Children, like adults, are disappointed when an expectation they had is not met. They can be disappointed by multiple situations : poor performance in school, the betrayal of a friend, waiting to go somewhere or doing something they like and in the end not being able, etc.
When it comes to managing these types of situations, it will be very good to work with them on tolerance for frustration . And it is that frustration appears when we expected something that does not arrive, or when things do not go as we expected.
If we offer them emotional regulation strategies (for example, the turtle technique or the traffic light technique), we can help them in coping with disappointment . Of course, we will not prevent them from being disappointed (disappointment is also learning), but simply, we will make the path easier for them when it comes to integrating that disappointments are also part of life.
The death of a loved one
The death of a loved one involves a grieving process. Grief is the normal reaction to loss, and it is accompanied by physical and psychological symptoms.
When accompanying our son to such an experience, it will be important to explain the situation to him , adapting our language to his age and his ability to understand death.
But above all, being honest with them and never distorting reality. It will also be important that they have moments to express their emotions and their doubts, and that we can accompany them and solve those doubts. Talking about the deceased loved one can help, and also, make a goodbye letter, a little ritual, etc.
A divorce
The experience of parental divorce is a stressful situation for many children, and for many others, it can even be traumatic.
We have to bear in mind that such a situation changes family dynamics , time organization, logistics … And all these changes should be adequately anticipated.
In addition, it will be important that we excuse them from the whole process, since children often feel guilty about the separation, even if it has nothing to do with them.
In this sense, we must convey to them the following idea: that they are not to blame for anything and that, although mom and dad are no longer together, they will be able to continue counting on both of them , with all their love and affection, even though the family situation has changed.
Learning from adversity
The adversities of life are small obstacles that only teach us that sometimes, we need to put into practice our ability to adapt.
And the good news is that all these experiences will strengthen the resilience of your children and will enhance in them the message that sometimes life is not easy, but that we continue with them on that path.
The metaphor of life and the bicycle trip
Thus, it is about constant learning that we must not prevent them from living , on the contrary: we must encourage them to face these types of situations because they will make them more independent and, in addition, they will allow them to learn the message of life, which is none other than life. constantly changing.
And this route, in a way, is like riding a bicycle: if you don’t pedal, you fall. That is why it is not about avoiding these experiences, or repressing them, but quite the opposite: to face them and, continuing with the metaphor, to keep pedaling!
As parents, of course we will be there to help them get up when they fall , but also to encourage them not to get off the bike and to continue learning and enjoying the positive experiences, which are also there.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels)
Babies and more | Parents who separate: how to facilitate the adaptation of the child ?, Fights between siblings: when and how we parents should intervene
