It is a very intimate, personal, somewhat controversial topic and that –after the very good and surprising audience ratings obtained by a certain television program in which this matter is exposed–, today continues in the conversations of the majority of the population: infidelity in the couple and how to overcome it.
It is clear that each person in their relationship is totally free to establish certain limits and to decide whether or not to forgive an infidelity , if that were the case.
The percentage of people who are unfaithful to their partners seems to be quite high. Thanks to a survey that was launched through the YouGov platform, the data was obtained that 31% had been unfaithful at some point to their partner.
Here we are going to list and detail certain strategies that do come in handy and help if you find yourself in the situation of overcoming an infidelity and being able to turn the page without having to end the relationship.
Work on trust and sincerity in the couple
When an infidelity comes to light (be it a specific event or a continuous contact with a third person maintained over time) the first thing that breaks, crumbles, shatters and collapses is the trust placed in the other person and therefore also the trust in the relationship. For this reason, working to reestablish this link will be fundamental and a priority if we want to overcome infidelity.
Give space and wait
It is essential that some time passes, that things cool down and not make important decisions immediately, driven by rage, anger, impulsively and “hot” right after you find out about the infidelity. The saying goes that time heals everything.
Assess the real context and all possible variables and circumstances
The first reaction, totally emotional, after the discovery of the infidelity, and after crying and feeling really bad, is usually to blame your partner.
We will blame him for everything without being able to look for variables that may have influenced his behavior. And, precisely, these variables are what we have to detect and work on if we want to overcome infidelity: perhaps a significant decrease in the quantity or quality of sexual relations, lack of communication, overwork, excessive jealousy, monotony and apathy, frequent arguments over children, bad relations with the in-laws, few outings and a decrease in shared leisure …
In relation to this, a scientific study confirmed that, in general, conflict and infidelity are related in both men and women. It was concluded that when people have conflicts due to jealousy, sexual relationships, children, and their own and partner’s activities, they are more likely to get involved in an unfaithful relationship, both on a sexual and emotional level.
Therefore, we must try to be as objective as possible and once these variables are detected, work on each of them to be able to solve them.
Work forgiveness
From positive psychology, and more specifically from the IEPP, a strength that is considered key to starting over and being able to feel free from the burdens of the past, as in the case of infidelity, is being able to forgive.
Work empathy
Another fundamental factor that must be taken into account and that helps us to forgive and therefore also to overcome an infidelity is empathy. If you put yourself in the shoes of your partner, if you make the effort to feel like he or she was feeling, it is possible that you will come to understand him better and in this way, overcome.
After this, if they have been unfaithful to you, feel fully entitled and free to want to start a new chapter with your partner after their infidelity, (many couples get over it and are reinforced) or otherwise, end the relationship and start that chapter alone, or with someone else.
Sonia Castro, psychologist and IEPP counselor.
