Do you have a teenage son and sometimes you feel that an abyss separates you when you communicate? What do you not understand?
It is normal that as mothers and fathers we do not always feel that our communication with children is fluid , especially if they are in a stage as complex as adolescence.
However, with awareness, dedication and empathy, this communication you want is possible. But first, what do we understand by fluid and effective communication?
What is fluid and effective communication?
Technically, communication is defined as ” the transmission of signals through a common code to the sender and receiver “.
For communication to be fluid, as the definition announces, this code must be common; and that it is common entails a point of connection with the other, a point of union.
In communicating with our adolescent children, this point of union is key. Why? Because it brings us closer to them, it connects us with what they need , with what they feel … And it allows us to open more fluid and effective conversations, warmer and closer.
And it is that fluid and effective communication is one in which the two parties (sender and receiver, parents and children) connect, understand each other, listen to each other and respect each other’s turns . Also, that communication that contributes and enriches.
11 keys to talking with your adolescent and achieving fluent and effective communication
But how do we enhance these types of conversations? With the day to day and awareness, empathy … And 11 key ideas that we offer you for it.
Make communication warm and reinforcing
When communicating with your child, it is important that communication is close and warm. For this, it is important that he feels your affection ; look him in the eye and dedicate quality time to him.
Show interest in what they explain and show empathy. And lastly, show your pride in all their progress.
Respect their private space
Another way to achieve fluid and effective communication is to respect their private space and their vital rhythms. To do this, choose the moment well to have certain conversations, observing their state of mind.
Also, choose the place well (for example, for a more delicate conversation, a private and safe space such as your room).
Stimulate conversation
Sometimes, but not always, it will be good to stimulate the conversation with our adolescent son. We have to think that at these ages it is sometimes difficult for them to express how they feel , or simply how their day has gone.
Therefore, it is good to find moments to talk; When it comes to stimulating conversation, you can try asking open-ended questions, spontaneously sharing opinions …
Opt for open questions
In line with the previous point, you should know that open questions, that is, those that cannot be answered with a “yes” or a “no” (or with a “good” or a “bad”, etc.), they favor more elaborate conversations , where more information can be exchanged.
In contrast, closed questions greatly limit conversations; Thus, for example, it is very different to ask “how do you feel in high school?” than to ask “are you okay in high school?”.
As you can imagine, in the first case we are giving our child the option to provide more information , to open up and expand on his answer, while in the second case, the possible answers are already intrinsic to the initial question (in this case , “Yes or no”).
Share your experiences and emotions
If you want our adolescent children to open up to us, we must act as role models and open ourselves up as well.
How? Explaining openly how we feel , and everything that we feel that we want to convey.
And it is that by opening yourself up to him, you are opening the door for him to get to know you more, to normalize the fact of sharing emotions and experiences, to make him want to open up too …
Identify when you feel like talking
This point is not easy, because sometimes they want to talk and do not want to show it, they are ashamed, they hide it …
Therefore, we must be alert in case, at some point, they emit a “signal” that reflects their need to speak . These signs include, for example:
- Being restless, restless, sadder than normal …
- Ask about experiences related to adolescence (for example, “Mom, is it normal for everyone not to like me?”).
- Seeing a book or magazine open on your bed, with an article related to what is happening to you (for example, “anxiety in adolescence”, or “friends in adolescence”).
Modulate the tone of voice
It is important to adapt the tone of voice of our speech to what we are saying, at the time of the conversation, to the mood of our child …
It is not the same to talk about a topic that worries us, than about something more trivial, just as it is not the same to talk when he is calm than when he is sad, angry …
Non-verbal language is important, and therefore adapting our tone of voice is a way of approaching our child on an emotional level.
Do not interrupt
It is important, when communicating with our children, to respect the speaking turns and not to interrupt them when they speak.
It seems obvious, and it surely is, but sometimes we make the mistake of speaking when the other is speaking, often unconsciously.
And this action can make them feel that what they say doesn’t matter as much, creating a distance between them.
Eliminate authoritative phrases and judgments
For communication to run smoothly and your child to open up to you, it is important that they not feel judged . To do this, avoid authoritative phrases in your communication, as well as comparisons or value judgments.
Keep in mind that explaining, describing or sharing is not the same as judging or lecturing, and that the effects of each action are very different.
Eliminate the screaming
Shouting in communication breaks ties , scares and fills people with helplessness. To do this, remove them from your speech; If you get angry, try to modulate the tone of your voice, remember that you can be firm but without yelling.
Show authenticity: be yourself
Authenticity implies being yourself; It is a quality that connects us with people , that allows us to initiate close conversations, from you to you.
Therefore, opt for authenticity when communicating with your adolescent child. Think that this is also a way to enhance a space where your child can be himself and express what he really feels.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)
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