We are very used to reading texts that talk about how to teach children to lose, and it is something that is essential to encourage healthy development and a healthy way of relating to others, as well as relating to frustration and loss. .
However, since winning already seems like a “good” thing in itself, sometimes we forget that teaching them to win is also important . Do children know how to manage victory? How to accompany them on this path of achievements and losses?
We talk about both situations in this article, because it is just as important to teach them to lose as to win . And as we will see, this learning can be extrapolated from the game to other complex life situations that they will have to face, at one time or another.
How to teach children to know how to lose
Relativize and explore what it means to “lose”
It is important for children to relativize when they lose a game. To do this, let’s explore with them what does it mean to lose? What connotations are associated with the fact of losing? Is it something that they live as if it were something “bad”?
The latter occurs in many cases; For this reason, it is important to break down these thoughts and emotions that our son associates with the fact of losing, and to be able to reformulate them. Give them a twist, question them.
To do this, we must reformulate the concept of losing, since losing also means gaining some things (such as learning, experience, etc.).
The learning after the mistake
Does every mistake lead to learning? Yes, although not always. For this reason, we should not resort to the positive naïve that phrases such as “everything is learned from”, because this is not always the case. But sometimes it is.
Encourage your child to find something of value in losing a game, some kind of learning or lesson. And if you don’t find it, just see it as one more experience (which doesn’t have to be so negative).
Learning to tolerate frustration
There is one thing that children can learn when they lose in games (or in other types of situations, competitions…): to tolerate frustration.
Frustration is a completely natural and valid emotion when something does not go as expected, and children must be able to experience it in order to manage it without being too unsettled by it. That they can normalize it and integrate it, as part of the emotions that they will feel.
Thus, it is important to convey this message to children when they play and lose.
Teaching children to know how to win is also important: how to do it?
Relativize also
But what about when kids win games? It is something that is not usually taught, “teaching to win”, does it even sound strange, doesn’t it? But it is also important. To learn to win well, the first step is, just like when you lose, to learn to relativize; winning a game is “just” that, winning a game.
Let them enjoy their little victory, but try not to see it as something essential to their lives. Winning does not define them, they do not need it , although it does show a small achievement (that is, it is not about taking away its absolute importance).
Enjoy the victory
And just as we say that winning is not everything, victories can also be enjoyed, and children feel that way.
Let them celebrate their victories when they win, because behind it is also hidden the effort and persistence, certain skills they have… and these deserve to be recognized.
Reinforce your effort
Thus, reinforce them also for everything mentioned; for the fact of having made an effort, and not so much for having “won”. And also, for the fact of having set certain goals and having achieved them. Cultivating effort and persistence in children is important, but without losing the goal (enjoyment).
be grateful
And above all, we must be able to make them understand that sometimes even if they try hard they will not win, and nothing happens (that they can tolerate frustration), and vice versa, that sometimes victories, achievements and beautiful things will come in their lives without effort ( That is why it is so important to be grateful also with life).
Teaching children to win and lose
Don’t compare yourself and enjoy
And as final recommendations, we encourage you to transmit the following message to your children: that they should not compare themselves with other children. They are just as valid , whether they win or lose.
And above all, encourage them to enjoy the game process, the “here and now”. If they focus on trying to win and always avoid losing, they miss out on the very process of playing. And playing, already by itself, is pleasant!
Feed intrinsic motivation: enjoy playing
This is precisely what intrinsic motivation is about, enjoying things for what they are, and not for what they allow us to achieve. In this second case we would talk about extrinsic motivation (“play to win”). And it is also okay to do things to achieve a purpose, as we explained before.
The key: the middle ground
But it is important that children can play freely and looking to have fun, regardless of the outcome. And, beware, this does not mean that they cannot also enjoy their achievements and celebrate that they have achieved what they have set out to do.
The key is to find the middle point in all of this; between the effort and motivation to improve and surpass oneself, the enjoyment and the ability to accept that in the game, and in life, things do not always go as expected. And that’s fine like that!
Photos | Cover (Freepik)
