I am the mother of two children and, fortunately, the pregnancy of each of them passed without complications. But even so I am aware that I could not enjoy them as other mothers have told me they did. Although there were seven years of difference between them, both in one case and the other, and due to different circumstances, I worked until a few hours before delivery.
And although I promised myself when I became pregnant with my young son that I would not make the mistake of being in front of the computer a few days after he was born, it happened: I found my newborn son at my breast and answering the phone.
They ask me if I regret it, if I would do it differently now. And I have no other answer: the ideal is to take care of yourself and enjoy your pregnancy, one of the most unique times of our life and, of course, to be able to stay spellbound for hours and hours looking at your baby, with nothing else to do. But I had no choice , so there is no use wishing it had been otherwise.
Even so, I want to share my personal experience, in case it can help other mothers who are facing a similar situation, because work and personal conciliation does not exist for everyone, unfortunately; it is a reality and it must be assumed as well as possible. It is also exceeded.
A very stressful and exhausting pregnancy
Being a restless soul who likes to try different jobs has its good side, but also its drawbacks. I am proof of this claim. Journalist by vocation and by heart, I have been writing since school, and I have never wanted to dedicate myself to anything else. But I am also a very curious person, who never tires of learning and getting involved in new projects.
The problem arises when you also want to start a family and be a mother. How to combine long hours of work (jobs) with medical appointments during pregnancy, the fatigue of the last weeks and then raising your children?
She was a television reporter, which implies the stress of running from one place to another to cover various news, helping the cameraman with the equipment, hours in the car, a long time standing, endless recordings in the studio … AND also, collaborations with a press agency in the evenings and weekends.
Young and with a temporary contract, my bosses threatened to fire me if I took a leave of absence or lost a day of work , so I tried to schedule all the prenatal consultations and tests that could be done in the afternoon and my partner, the cameraman, would take me to The tests and he waited for me at the door with the car. Squareing up all of this created unhealthy added stress for my baby, and me.
Lack of time encouraged me to walk everywhere to do some exercise and eat very healthy at night and on weekends, to counteract the most insane snacking in presentations and press conferences, I made light and healthy dinners , and I never skipped five meals a day.
When I worked at home, I always tried to do it with my feet up and get up often.
Fortunately, I finished my contract a week before my due date, because my belly was so huge that I was constantly tripping because I couldn’t see the ground and my legs were always swollen. I only had an event pending from the press agency, and to rest. Or so I thought.
Already at work dinner the veteran mothers told me that I had the face of a woman in labor, that my stomach was very low, but I replied that it was the fatigue of the last trimester, that I still had a week left. They were right: the next day, while watching a movie at the theater, the contractions began. Not a day pregnant for me!
Nothing was happening. I had a whole life with my baby, who was born beautiful, very healthy. In two days we were home, getting used to our new life. And they come from the agency, that if I can do them a little favor, it will take a short time. But the first becomes more.
Same mistakes in the second pregnancy
For financial reasons my husband and I waited six years to try being parents again and when we decided the time had come, I became pregnant within days. The three of us were very happy and since I was autonomous, I dreamed of enjoying nine months of pregnancy, taking care of myself and taking care of him.
Those of you who have several children will have verified, as I did then, that working outside the home and with an older child finding time for yourself is quite complicated : going to school and back, to work, prenatal checkups, homework bath, dinners, night story, children’s birthdays … And all while your belly does not stop growing (much faster than in the first pregnancy) and stress takes over again.
In my case, everything got complicated because I was involved (or got involved) in a new project, so, to the daily work at home for various publishers, I had to add a working schedule in the office. It is true that as a freelancer I organized the schedules to go to my medical consultations and tests, but even so I felt that I had to show that, although I was pregnant, I could do my job as anyone and as responsible for the new publication, I could not and did not want to fail.
I remember the editorial director begging me to “hold out” to give birth until everything was closed, something that seemed completely impossible in recent days, when from experience she knew that at any moment I would go into labor.
But my son colluded with me because he didn’t decide to be born until five hours after the press tests were closed, the latter. Yes, just a few hours later. In fact, that afternoon I had monitors and I called to postpone them until the next day to finish the pending work.
It was coming home and going to bed because I felt very tired, and after a while I got up to go to the bathroom and break the water. We told my mother that she slept in the next room to take care of my daughter, who was in bed with us and we went to the hospital. Less than two hours later I already had my baby in my arms.
Healthy children … and stressed?
How lucky I have been with my children! The little one was also born perfect, without suffering, and without any medical problems. Couldn’t ask for more!
We went home less than 48 hours later, and started over with phone calls from work, urgent items and, in less than a week, standing at the launch party for the new magazine. Of course, my appearance was seen and not seen because my child was waiting for me at home to eat and my breasts overflowing with milk reminded me how much he needed me.
At that time she hated being freelance, she wanted to give up that false freedom to work in different places.
Because that was another: as a self-employed person, the maternity benefit does not even come to pay for diapers, at least it was like that in my case, so you needed to complete the income. But in the end everything went well and my little one grew up happy and healthy.
What I am not so clear about is whether I have transmitted my stress to him during pregnancy, because he has always been a baby and he is a restless, unstoppable child, what we mothers call “exhausting” .
And if you wonder if our children suffer from this lack of attention during pregnancy, I can assure you that at least in my case, no. They are both very loving, trusting, good people and I think (or at least hope) that we have created a good relationship between us.
I have always tried to make them feel accompanied, that they could count on me and I believe (or once again I hope) I have succeeded. I have managed to take them to and pick them up from school, not skipping medical check-ups, taking care of them when they were sick, without missing tutorials, graduations, school festivals …
Looking back at those early years, I marvel at having done it “alone”, without help, and I realize that life was really very stressful for me, as it is for many, many moms, but not for our children. .
So at the end of my personal reflection I ask myself again if I regret having done it this way. And my answer is the same: I would have loved to enjoy my newborns more, but life chooses the path and it was my turn to do so. At least, I threw myself into motherhood, even if it wasn’t the best time for work.
If you consider being a mother or not for fear of not being able to reconcile, I hope my example will serve you.
Of course, better if you can enjoy your maternity leave. Your physical and emotional health will thank you. What do you think of the subject? Have you also had a difficult time reconciling? Sharing our experiences can help other mothers who are now going through a similar situation. Do you dare to share your story?
Photos | iStock
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