I have a charming friend, but his relationships don’t end up working out for him, because he is very clear that he doesn’t want to be a father. His partners, at first, do not believe him, and in the end they end up leaving the relationship.
Love is blind
At the beginning of a relationship, when we meet someone we like, our brain is intoxicated to a certain extent and “hides” the defects of the other person, minimizing the incompatibilities that could lead to the relationship not working.
The blame for this lies with a group of substances that our body secretes when we are in love. Neurotransmitters, hormones and pheromones are responsible for numbing us.
Four key substances in falling in love
The four key hormones in happiness that we secrete when we are in love are :
- Dopamine: literally, it hooks us. It is a neurotransmitter that our brain secretes when we get what we want. It intervenes, therefore, in the reward processes and is responsible for making us feel pleasure and want to repeat.
- Oxytocin: known as the hormone of love and affection. Strengthens bonds and trust. It is segregated when we have affective exchanges with a partner or another loved one, such as children or pets.
- Endorphins: they are neurotransmitters responsible for happiness and the feeling of tranquility.
- Serotonin: It is known as the hormone of happiness. When its levels increase in the neuronal circuits, it generates sensations of well-being, relaxation, satisfaction, increasing concentration and self-esteem.
It is not enough that you like dogs, you have to adapt to living with them
If your partner at the beginning of the relationship tells you that his sister has a dog and that he or she has taken care of it on occasion… or that animals seem very cute… We know that it is not enough.
Having a dog is a lifestyle
- Your vacations must be programmed according to your dog as a member of the family.
- Your day-to-day needs to be programmed to meet their needs, hygiene, walks, socialization…
- Your house is adapted to the fact that a pet lives in it. Your kitchen smells like fodder, there are beds and bowls on the floor and their toys everywhere. And yes, there is hair, and it doesn’t bother you because you know that “where there is hair, there is joy”
- Your car: another one of your furry items, and again, it doesn’t bother you. Because living with a dog, taking it to the countryside in your car and enjoying walking together is your lifestyle. It is what makes you happy and gives peace.
Reasons why your partner may be incompatible with life with a dog
- Cynophobia: This is how we know the fear that many people feel towards dogs. Not only children, but also adults suffer from this phobia.
If your partner does not like dogs for fear of them, it could be that your relationship and your dog manage to break down that wall and overcome his fear by becoming his best friend.
- Conscientiousness: There are people who are very neat when it comes to cleaning and for whom suddenly having hair, drool and odors at home can cause a lot of discomfort. So that we are not going to deceive ourselves, if you have a dog you know that there are clothes that you would never buy, because the material they are made of seems to be a hair attractor. This issue can be resolved by agreeing on rules of coexistence and putting effort on both sides, although it will undoubtedly bring about some other discussion.
- Allergies: This is a problem that directly affects the health of the sufferer. Although it is an annoying topic, it can be dealt with if there is a real interest. In addition, many people describe how after a certain time they have stopped feeling allergic to the dog in the house, although the rest of the dogs continue to make them sneeze.
- Lack of freedom: This point is perhaps the most difficult to take. There are people whose pace of life is directly incompatible with having a responsibility as a dog. Realistically, if your partner loves to travel to those kinds of places where dogs are not allowed, or do a type of tourism and social life of museums, concerts and endless activities that are not at all pet-friendly , you are going to have a very difficult time maintain the bond and attention that you had with your dog until now if it is you who decides to adapt to his lifestyle.
If, in addition, your partner is one of those who when he leaves, he does not know what time he will return, I find it very difficult for a responsible owner to feel happy, making his dog wait at home for so long.
Walkers, caregivers, and external help, are not the solution
Today, as a result of our work pace, there are many options to find a babysitter for your dog or a person who helps you manage their needs in exchange for financial compensation. We may even have a family member with time who loves that you leave the dog.
These options are very good when you have work, or an event where your dog cannot go or because you also want a little rest and time to do other things.
However, when it comes to choosing who you share your free time with, and your dog is waiting for you at home… I think you are beginning to have it clear.
If you give up what is your essence, you will be unhappy
I have no doubt that you can adapt to the type of leisure that your partner likes and that you want to spend time with her. I know that you can leave your canine companion with your parents, your brother or a specialized caregiver for a few days to go out with your partner to an event or a thousand museums without going home.
But like this, renouncing your essence, you will not be happy. Because when your partner tells you that he does not want to adapt to the dog or condition his life to the dog, he does not understand that it is not about the dog, it is about you.