Surely at some point you have met a child who did not want to greet you with kisses and hugs . Whether it’s your nephew, your grandson, or your best friend’s son, sometimes these situations happen, and it’s normal to feel hurt when that child you love so much refuses to kiss you.
But it may also be that the child we are talking about is your own son and the fact that he does not want to greet grandparents, friends or other relatives with kisses makes you feel uncomfortable.
How to act in these situations so that everyone feels respected? We give you some tips that could help you.
Ask him first
When you arrive with your child in a new place where it is customary to greet other people with kisses or hugs, first ask the child if he wants to participate in this type of greetings and do not assume that he should greet in that way, no matter how confident that exists with the other person.
For example, we can ask, “Would you like to give grandparents a kiss?” . If their answer is no, we can propose another alternative: “And do you want them to give it to you?”
It is important to emphasize both aspects , because it is so fundamental to respect the child’s decision not to kiss other people if he does not want to, such as having their permission to kiss or hug him (so it is not worth that: “Well, if you don’t kiss me, I’ll kiss you even if you don’t want to! “).
Act normally
If your child does not want to kiss other people, the best thing you can do is act normally. Being alarmed, worrying, insisting or giving importance to the issue will not only not solve it, but it can make the child end up facing the moment of greetings with great anxiety.
Let him or her develop on their own in each situation and freely decide what to do without putting all our attention and focus on their way of acting, so that they do not feel observed, judged or pressured .
Respect their decision
Kissing or hugging should not be an obligation, but a completely voluntary, free and consensual act. This principle is key if we want to educate our children in self-confidence, consent and respect for themselves. Always keep in mind that his body is his , and that is how we must instill it in him from the cradle.
Don’t force him to kiss if he doesn’t want to
Respecting the child’s decision not to kiss implies just that: RESPECT, in the broadest sense of the word . That is to say, any kind of covert ‘pressure’ in the form of rewards, emotional blackmail ( “if you don’t kiss the grandmother, she will get very sad” ), promises or praise when the child ends up kissing, is not respecting their decision.
Of course, neither is judging the child’s behavior or labeling him with qualifications such as ‘unfriendly’, ‘rude’, ‘unloving’, ’embarrassing’ …
Find out why
It does not hurt to talk to your child to find out the cause of his refusal to say hello with kisses ; whether it is something generalized, or if it only happens to certain people.
In general, almost all children go through this stage at some point ; It is a way of reaffirming yourself and marking your limits, which we should see as something positive. This streak will end with time, love, patience and respect.
Other times, the cause of this rejection is a simple matter of shyness . Thus, many parents report that children refuse to say hello with kisses when they arrive at a new place, but after spending time in the company of that person they end up gaining confidence and spontaneously saying goodbye with kisses and hugs if they have felt comfortable.
At other times, the cause of rejection may be the smell of the other person (there are children who are especially sensitive to perfumes, for example), because they do not like to feel the lips of others on their cheeks, because the other has a beard and annoying … or simply because at that moment they do not feel like receiving kisses.
Find alternatives to kisses together
Knowing why your child does not want to say hello with kisses can help you find alternatives that make them feel comfortable . And it is that respecting the child’s decision not to kiss or hug if he does not want to, should not be at odds with courtesy and education.
You can suggest other ideas for your child to say hello , such as high fives, high fists or elbows, blow a kiss in the air, smile, wave your hand, put your hand to your heart …
Always support your child’s decision
Sometimes parents feel uncomfortable with behaviors that our children have in public. The fear of “what will they say” or the pressure of the group makes us end up not respecting their way of acting and even allowing the emotional blackmail of other people towards the child .
But we cannot forget that parents are the main pillars in the lives of our children . They trust us and our support, and in situations of vulnerability or that generate discomfort – such as this one – we must be by their side to help them.
Therefore, if we or others are bothered by the child’s attitude , we are the adults who have the problem and we cannot blame or hold the child responsible for how the fact that he does not greet us with kisses makes us feel.
Set an example
It goes without saying that parents are the best example for our children, because they observe us at every moment and that is how they internalize social norms and the way of relating to others.
Therefore, with time, education, respect and patience, they will know how to differentiate between courtesy greetings and kisses that arise spontaneously and that we really want to give. But until that moment arrives, it is essential to respect the child’s decision and the limits that he has decided to set.
Remember that they do not owe a kiss to anyone and less to look good or to make others feel good.
Cover photo | Vlada Karpovich at Pexels
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