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My son is very proud and this affects his relationships: how to help him

All human beings experience pride at some point in our lives, and this can cause us to carry out behaviors that are usually very unpleasant for other people.

In this case, we are talking about situations that are normally punctual, or momentary. But what happens when our child is constantly proud?

In these cases we can see how it is difficult for them to generate healthy interpersonal relationships, both with their peers and with adults, since the people around them also have difficulties managing this type of situation.

In addition, few people are willing to deal with a proud person, or in the case of children, sometimes what happens is that others do not have the necessary tools to face this type of situation. So, how to accompany our son if he is very proud and that generates conflicts?

“Proud people breed sadness for themselves.”

-Emily Brontë-

My son is very proud: why does this happen?

Before starting to look for a reason, it is important that we are clear about what being proud is about: we are talking about having an excess of self-confidence, as well as an excess of self-esteem, in any aspect of life; physically, cognitively, emotionally, etc. Also, about the difficulties in asking for forgiveness when we are wrong .

It should be noted that pride in a controlled way is not bad, the negative happens when it is a constant feeling that makes our child feel and believe superior to others.

No child is spontaneously proud, since it usually develops within their immediate circle, which is the family.

Generally, when evaluating your family dynamics, it is easy to recognize that these are qualities learned through imitation of some of the important figures in your life.

However, we cannot talk about the genetic part and the character of each child (the most innate part). Everything influences!

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you look down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

-C. S. Lewis-

How are proud children?

When children experience exaggerated and mismanaged pride, we can see how they behave with a very low tolerance for frustration. However, behind their hostile behavior are unmanaged fears and sadness.

These are generally children with low self-esteem who do not know how to act in the face of failure, and who find it very difficult to know how to deal with their mistakes and assume the consequences of their actions. For this reason they turn to pride, as a means to avoid taking responsibility for what they feel or have done.

Deep down, proud children only feel the need for recognition from their important figures (mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, uncles, etc.), and not knowing how to manage it through behaviors learned from what they see at home or at school, for example, or from habits they have been acquiring, they come to show pride instead of contacting their emotions .

How to accompany or help my child?

The first thing we should do before looking for ways to help our son is a small (big) process of introspection, in which we evaluate where he has learned to be proud.

We do not do this to feel bad or blame others, but to be aware of what we need to improve.

Knowing where these behaviors have come from allows us to work on changing them. How to do it? You can try these recommendations:

Help him understand his emotions

Many times children do not know how to determine what they feel, and they will show it through unwanted behaviors. It is essential to teach him that it is okay to feel all emotions and express them, but not to get stuck in them.

Explain that it is not bad to feel pride

When we have done something well or achieved good things through our own efforts, it is okay to feel proud.

However, when this happens continuously and repetitively, it can turn into something negative. And it is that being proud of something well done is not the same as being unable to recognize a mistake .

Teach him that there are consequences

When we talk about consequences we are not referring to something negative, or to a punishment, but to the fact of letting our son know that each act of his has repercussions on others, and that when it comes to negative things we must learn to take responsibility for what we have done. done and try to repair it.

Show him the benefits of leaving pride behind

It can also be good for your child to know the benefits of leaving pride behind and being able to recognize that sometimes we are wrong, being able to ask for forgiveness…

Among the benefits of this is the fact of having real friends, who love us for who we are , with our defects and our virtues.

Stopping being proud also allows us to solve problems with the people we love, feel relief and peace and leave resentment behind , etc.

seek professional help

In some cases it can become a bit complicated to deal with these attitudes in our children, and it is just there where the experience of a professional therapist turns out to be of great help in understanding what is happening and allowing the child to generate strategies to improve the situation.

In addition, a child psychologist can also offer parents guidelines to learn to better understand our child and support him in a healthy way.

“Leave your pride, your ego and your narcissism somewhere else. The reactions of those parts of you will reinforce your children’s most primitive fears.”

-Henry Cloud-

example is important

Always keep in mind that your children learn more from what they see than from what you tell them. So, it is important to behave in a way that is consistent with what we expect them to do.

If, for example, I want my son not to be proud, I cannot always act with arrogance and arrogance before others.

It is therefore a job that corresponds to the whole family, not just the children. We must evaluate everyone’s behavior and see where they have learned to be proud of in order to begin to change these attitudes.

If this is very difficult for you, do not hesitate to ask for help from a professional psychologist, who is qualified to help you. There is nothing wrong with asking for help!

“The humble man has everything to gain, and the proud man has everything to lose, because modesty is always generosity and envy is pride.”

-Antoine Rivarol-

Photos | cover (freepik)

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