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My teenage son just wants to be in his room: what can we do

Adolescence is a time full of challenges, both for those who are at this point in the developmental life cycle and for parents.

And it is that it is a period of many changes that can become very overwhelming , and before which, many times we do not know how to act.

Here we will address one of the most worrying topics for parents of teenagers: why my teenager is locked in the room all day and how to help him .

“There are only two lasting legacies that we can leave for our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

-Hodding Carter-

Why does my teenage son just want to be in his room?

There are many reasons why teenagers just want to be in their room, but keep in mind that this is not necessarily a negative thing, in fact it is an expected behavior considering the stage they are in, and perfectly normal, as well. Dont worry.

Some of the reasons they do this are:

You need to stand out

When they are young, our children tend to feel very similar to their parents, with many similarities, and they even verbalize wanting to be like us when they are older, but this changes drastically with the arrival of adolescence.

You need to understand that it is not something bad, rebellion or that your child has stopped loving you, it is simply the natural process of development that leads them to seek to differentiate themselves from their parents to find and understand who they are as individuals.

Teenagers need to find themselves, and therefore, in search of their identity, they undertake a process to differentiate themselves from their parents.

You need to set your limits

In adolescence, young people want and need to set limits. Limits that identify them as complete , complex and different people from us as parents.

Being in your room is a way of physically expressing what is going on in your mind, distancing yourself from everyone so you can have the freedom to find yourself.

Find your own independence

Being alone allows them to have to resolve the situations that arise with the resources they have, and this helps foster their independence and ability to resolve conflicts.

In addition, it allows a creative space to be able to face what you are experiencing. Solitude allows them to be able to think and ask themselves transcendental questions for their lives without having to be constantly interrupted by other people in the family.

intimacy and sexuality

Adolescence is the peak stage of discovery and exploration of sexuality. Having privacy at this stage is very important so that this process can take place without taboos or fear.

Although children begin self-exploration at an earlier stage, it is not until adolescence that sexuality is experienced to a greater extent.

This topic can be a bit complex for some parents, but it is important that you understand that it is not a bad thing , it is perfectly normal and healthy.

It is important to respect our teenagers’ need for privacy and intimacy, as this may be one reason why they spend more time in their room.

Social networks, internet, videogames…

The use of social networks, video games, mobile phones, the Internet in general… is something that is becoming more and more widespread among adolescents. The problem is the intensity of these preferences and the number of hours they spend in front of screens.

And it is that there are many who “prefer” to spend time in the room connected to the Internet or to video games to interact in a real way with their friends or family.

If you think this could be the cause of this “confinement” in the room, it is important that you discuss it with your child, and if necessary, ask for professional help, as we discussed at the end of the article.

My teenage son just wants to be in his room: what to do?

If you don’t feel very comfortable with the idea of your teenager being locked in his room all day, try making some adjustments to the routine to improve the situation, such as:

  • Set limits and times to be alone in the room.
  • Limit the time of use of electronic equipment.
  • Investigate the causes of this “confinement” (primordial).
  • Encourage open communication with your child.
  • Plan family activities, something that allows you to spend more time with them.

So, it’s not just about setting limits as parents; If we want our son not to be always alone in his room, we must learn to talk with him and reach certain agreements such as allowing his friends to visit him, or enrolling him in some activity that he likes and that allows him to share with other people their same interests .

Remember that during this stage the concerns are constant due to so many changes; offer your children a safe space where they can talk about their fears without being judged or reprimanded.

If this is very uncomfortable for you or your children, you can always seek the help of a third party.

You can lean on someone in the family, like uncles or older cousins who you trust and trust and who you know will offer good guidance . You can also give them the option of talking to a therapist, if that’s more comfortable for them.

Should I be worried?

Wanting to be alone is perfectly normal in adolescence, so it shouldn’t be a cause for concern for parents.

However, if you notice that there are other indicators that may indicate the presence of pathologies such as anxiety, depression, or addiction to new technologies (video games, the Internet, etc.), for example, it is important to seek professional help.

It is also important to be alert to possible signs that your child is being bullied, and that is why he spends so many hours in the room (if he isolates himself excessively, if he comes home and does not want to talk, especially about school or the institute, etc).

This can be a bit complex, since adolescence contains so many changes that to determine if they are indicators of something else, in many cases therapeutic support is necessary. If you have any doubts about this, please consult a mental health specialist .

But remember that wanting to be alone in his room is not an unequivocal indication that something is wrong with your child, it is something common during adolescence. Of course, it is always good to observe, be attentive and show ourselves available for everything our children may need.

“There is no such thing as a perfect father. So just be a real one.”

-Sue Atkins-

Photos | Cover (Pexels)

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