It is normal for parents and children to have conflicts at times . There are many causes that can cause one or the other to lose our temper, and although family fights are something normal and everyday, it is very important to solve it in a respectful way and prevent the discussion from “getting stuck”.
One of the factors that causes the entrenchment of a discussion is resentment. Not talking about what happened and having a spiteful attitude towards the other person makes the problems bigger and bigger and harder to solve.
That is why it is so important to clear up misunderstandings before the end of the day , and never go to bed angry with your child; a valuable lesson that we must also teach children.
It is legal to get angry, but we must know how to manage it
The whirlwind of everyday life, the stress and fatigue caused by having to get to everything can make us adults lose our temper when faced with certain attitudes or behaviors of our young children that we consider inappropriate. The same happens in the case of adolescents, whose behaviors are not always understood by parents and can lead us into a pointless “power struggle”.
We are not going to deny it; Family life is not always easy . We all have our own needs and when we feel that we are being taken into account, it is normal for both adults and children to get angry.
But it is in our hands to approach the issue in a respectful way and not “throw things at each other’s heads”, isolate ourselves in our pride or make bad faces at each other. We must know how to manage our anger and seek effective solutions to improve the family climate.
If we have had a conflict with our child , going to bed angry with him/her will not only mean prolonging a very unpleasant situation for both of us, but we will also be giving them a disastrous example of how to solve problems, as well as causing emotional damage.
Seven powerful reasons why you should make it up to your child before the day is over
So, if a conflict or fight has arisen between your child and you and you feel that it has affected you especially, do not stop solving it as soon as possible. Sometimes we need some time to calm down and clear our minds, but in no case should we go to bed angry with each other. You want to know why?
1) Our children feel bad (and so do we)
The first reason (and this should be more than enough) is that our children suffer deeply when we get angry with them . We are their attachment figures, their references; those who protect them, support them and to whom they turn when things are not going well.
If children detect that their parents are moving away from them and are so angry that they do not want to read them a story or kiss them goodnight before bed, they will feel confused, distressed and very sad.
The same happens in the case of adolescents, although they may show an attitude that makes us think otherwise. And it is that getting angry with those you love most causes great instability and emotional damage that needs to be repaired.
2) Sometimes, pride does not bring anything positive
Perhaps you feel that what has happened between you and your child has been “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, as they say colloquially. You may feel really hurt, frustrated and angry with him/her. But perpetuating your anger and not looking for a way to solve it will lead you to fall into pride that will gradually increase the distance between you.
In these cases, pride brings resentment and anger, and makes it increasingly difficult for you to talk about what happened, accept your child’s apologies or ask for forgiveness. Therefore, visualize what you really want to achieve: solve your conflict and feel at peace again, or be right but continue to feel bad?
3) Every day of our lives should be a blank page
Metaphorically we could say that life is something like a blank book or notebook that we write every day with our actions.
In this sense, if we go to bed angry with our son and thinking about something that has happened, we will not be putting a full stop to the chapter of the day , but conditioning the blank page of the next day.
And it is that we probably wake up “ruminating” what happened the day before, and fattening our resentment, frustration and anger. With these emotions in the backpack, we will hardly be able to face a new day with a positive and constructive attitude .
4) Solving problems brings us peace
Worries and conflicts affect us emotionally on many levels. Among other things, they cause stress, discomfort, restlessness, lack of concentration and irascibility. They also affect the quality of sleep, causing insomnia and even nightmares.
That is why it is said that solving conflicts brings us inner peace. If, in addition, that conflict has caused a confrontation with our children, its resolution will make us feel even better, because no father or mother wants to be angry with the person they love most in the world.
5) If they are not solved soon, the problems become entrenched
When we avoid talking about something that has happened and has affected us, the effect we generate is similar to that of a snowball; that is to say, each day that passes the problem will seem bigger and bigger and the negative feelings that it produces in us will increase, reducing the relationship with our son.
6) We educate emotionally with our example
Addressing conflicts and showing willingness to resolve them denotes emotional intelligence. This attitude entails respect for the other person, empathy, active listening and negotiation skills.
Parents are the mirror in which our children look at themselves, so when we act in this way, we are unconsciously giving them a valuable life lesson.
7) Reconnects us with our children
The emotional connection with children is extremely important for them to grow up safe, confident and with healthy self-esteem. But we often become disconnected from them and their needs, with fights and conflicts being one of the root causes of that disconnection .
The emotional connection must be based on a respectful and fulfilling relationship on both sides , where mutual trust, sincerity and communication are fundamental pillars.
That is why it is so important to detect the “interferences” that affect your connection to re-connect before the end of the day.
What if I am so angry that I need more time?
If you feel so angry with your child that you can’t fix what happened before the end of the day, it might be worth rethinking if what happened is really serious enough to justify your estrangement, even if it’s just for one night.
If you still feel that you need more time to think , relax and find a solution to the problem, talk to your child in confidence and with respect. Tell him that you need to rest and cool down, but that tomorrow you will solve the problem together. Above all, make him see that despite your arguments or having different points of view, you love him deeply and always will.
Cover photo | pexels
