Connecting emotionally with our children has very important benefits for their development; among them, the strengthening of their self-esteem, self-confidence and the improvement in our relationship.
We can achieve that daily connection through small gestures that bring us emotionally closer to our children and their needs. But unfortunately, it is also easy for the opposite to happen and we fall into situations and habits that harm us.
Today we talk about the daily interferences that parents face and that can lead us to ignore the needs and emotions of our children, distancing ourselves from them and affecting our relationship.
Rush
We adults live in a fast-paced world. The whirlwind of everyday life, the responsibilities in the different parts of our lives and the unforeseen events that always arise end up engulfing us in a thunderous way, forcing us to activate the ‘automatic pilot’ from the moment we get up until we go to bed.
This generates a conflict with our children, since children who live in the here and now need time, patience and respectful accompaniment to grow, develop and learn.
To combat this important inference we must begin by respecting their timing, their maturational needs, and their abilities. Respectful treatment, positive communication and connection with oneself are also fundamental habits to be able to let go of the rush.
The fatigue
When parents are exhausted, the relationship with our children is affected. Tiredness ends up causing a lack of patience , and this leads us to demand that children “behave well”, “go to sleep right away”, “keep quiet”, “don’t do this or that”… Ultimately, our need to rest collides head-on with their childhood needs.
In addition to resting correctly, delegating and asking for help when we need it, there are daily habits that we can put into practice to relax , such as meditation exercises, conscious breathing or practicing yoga.
Stress
Stress is the great enemy of our current society, and in addition to having terrible consequences on our health, it also affects our behavior and, therefore, our relationship with others.
When it comes to relating to our children, stress can lead us to do or say things that, although we don’t really feel them, leave a deep mark on the children and negatively affect our relationship.
Fighting stress and anxiety is not always easy, and sometimes it is necessary to ask for professional help. Don’t stop doing it, for your sake and that of your family.
lack of self care
It’s a reality: parents always leave us for last, and we don’t spend enough time to rest, unwind and pamper ourselves. This lack of self-care causes physical, mental and emotional wear and tear that accumulates day after day , and of course ends up interfering with the family atmosphere.
Every day we should find a moment of self-care, beyond taking a shower or running an errand alone. It is about finding that activity that really fills us, motivates us and allows us to recharge with energy to continue educating and accompanying our children as they deserve.
the monotony
Monotony causes disinterest, lack of motivation and lack of connection with the people with whom we live. ´And it is that having the feeling of living in an eternal endless loop, plunges us fully into boredom and prevents us from appreciating what is really important.
Contrary to popular belief, escaping from monotony is not a complicated task nor does it require big plans. It is enough to adopt small habits that allow us to enjoy life more fully while connecting with our children.
How about starting the day with a walk to school, instead of driving? What if you improvise a special dinner prepared by the little ones in the house? How about organizing a sack night in the living room, a marathon of board games or a fun choreography!
There are many fun things we can do to break the feeling of boredom and create family memories that will stay with us for a lifetime!
the false expectations
Although it is clear that there are no perfect mothers or fathers, many of us make the mistake of having certain ideas and plans about life with children that are sometimes quite unrealistic or unattainable.
These false expectations completely disconnect us from the needs of our children, since we are more concerned with comparing ourselves with other parents, comparing our children or guiding ourselves through social networks, than looking, listening and caring for our children as they really are : unique, special, incomparable boys and girls with their own needs.
Wanting to be “perfect parents”
Studies have shown that parents’ need to want to be perfect not only causes us pressure, stress, exhaustion, and anxiety, but also a profound lack of connection with our children.
But children don’t care about living in a spotless house, wearing the best DIY carnival costume or taking the richest homemade cake in the world to school. What they really want is that we look at them with our hearts, listen to them and always keep them in mind.
the excess of activities
Children’s schedules are often overloaded with extracurricular activities that take up most of their day, preventing them from playing as much as they need to and spending time with their family. Also multitasking and parents’ conciliation problems can end up making a dent in the relationship with our children.
To prevent both children and adults from being swallowed up by an excess of tasks that prevent us from enjoying each other’s company, it is advisable to classify those that really need to be done and those that we can do without or postpone.
For example, maybe we can put off doing laundry and spend time with our kids instead. But if that’s not possible, we could do the laundry as a family, teaching the kids new skills while enjoying each other’s company.
Another habit that we could acquire -and that also has great benefits for everyone- is to practice sports as a family, instead of doing it individually.
peer pressure
And lastly, we want to highlight another important inference that affects our relationship with our children: the pressure we feel for what others will say about our way of raising and educating, and that can lead us to do things that we really do not want or feel.
This most commonly happens when children throw tantrums in public, push boundaries in front of other people, or engage in social behavior that adults don’t consider “appropriate.”
This pressure, believing ourselves judged by others, leads us to completely disconnect from the needs of our children, forcing them to do things that they may not want at that moment, such as sharing their toys, asking for forgiveness, kissing strangers. Or contain your emotions.
In short, raising and educating children is a complex path that requires our patience, unconditional love and respectful accompaniment. Being aware of the interference that can alter the bond with our children, it will be easier for us to avoid them or work on them so that they do not affect that fundamental connection we are talking about.
