Surely you’ve ever heard of reverse psychology … That of “saying or asking the opposite of what we really want.” But does this technique really work?
In this article we describe in better detail how this technique works, its mechanism, uses and some examples so that you can use it effectively with your children. You should also know how not to use it to avoid interfering with communication with your children.
What is reverse psychology and how does it work?
Reverse psychology is a form of social influence, or persuasive strategy technique, with multiple applications. Its objective is to guide the other towards the decision that in reality is the one that we have already made (or the one that we consider most appropriate, in this case, for the education of our children).
Thus, it is a strategy of indirect social influence , which consists of the following: pretending to have a position opposite to the one we really have, in order to cause a certain reaction in the other, which favors us (or, in this case, which actually favors both parties, both us and our children, when we talk about education).
An example applied to children
We leave you a simple example of reverse psychology, applied to children, to understand this psychological concept a little better.
Imagine that this weekend you, the whole family, want to make a plan. There are two options: go to spend the day at the grandmother’s house, since she is older and wants to see her grandson (what you and your partner want) or go to the amusement park (what your child wants).
Depending on the attitude of your child …
If your child usually accepts your proposals, the most appropriate or effective strategy would be to say directly that you prefer to go see grandmother. As your son usually gives in and / or agrees with what you propose, he will surely agree.
On the other hand, if your son is rather combative, he tends to discuss the decisions you make as parents and it is not easy for him to reach agreements with you, if you say directly that you prefer to go to the grandmother’s house, he will most likely start a dispute and do not want to go.
How to use reverse psychology in this example
In this case, it may be a good strategy to use reverse psychology. How? Communicating that you prefer to go to the amusement park, but giving very weak arguments about it.
Thus, if the technique works, your child will most likely question these weak arguments and end up choosing to go to grandma’s house, which is what you really want.
How does reverse psychology really work?
The operation of reverse psychology is based on a psychological phenomenon: that of psychological reactance . This is a reaction that has the objective of restoring freedom or control over a situation, when an attack is perceived in it.
It occurs through four steps: first we perceive that we have freedom, then we feel that our freedom is attacked, reactance arises and that is when we restore our sense of control and freedom through some action.
Two key uses of reverse psychology
We found two key uses of reverse psychology. On the one hand, one of its uses is that it is a technique that allows the other to be persuaded (as we saw in the previous example).
On the other hand, through reverse psychology we seek the validation of the other , the reaffirmation of something that generates doubts or even social acceptance.
In this second case, we talk, for example, of when we want someone to give us their approval of something we have done, because we feel insecure.
Examples of reverse psychology
An example would be; say “I have chosen this dress to go to dinner and I think it will look awful”; This statement generates in the other person the need to disconfirm the statement, which provides us with greater security in the choice (“perhaps I have chosen well”).
Many times we use reverse psychology without realizing it, as in this example, that is, unconsciously (although our unconscious part does seek reaffirmation).
Reverse psychology as an indirect persuasion technique
To better understand this, let’s go back to the described example of the weekend’s decision. When our son perceives that we are trying to persuade him, and his freedom of choice is threatened, he reacts by opposing it, because he has the need to regain control . What happen?
That by anticipating this (the phenomenon of psychological reactance), we as parents, through reverse psychology, plan what we want our child to decide, that is, where we want to guide or direct him.
That is why we speak of reverse psychology as a psychological technique of indirect persuasion , because it “operates” indirectly.
Reverse psychology: propose two alternatives
Another variant when using reverse psychology in children is offering them two options to choose from , and stick with it. For example, “you can choose between doing your homework now or in 20 minutes, after having a snack”, or “you can choose between having a vegetable or salad for dinner.”
In this way, the positive aspect is that we give them the freedom to choose between two options that are suitable and also valid for us.
How NOT to use reverse psychology
While it is true that reverse psychology can be effective and appropriate in some cases, it is important that we do not abuse this technique. That is, only use it at specific times! And above all, that we do not do it with delicate aspects.
On the other hand, we should never use it, logically, as a form of manipulation. And also, we must bear in mind that this technique should never replace natural , direct, warm and affective communication.
Reverse psychology in rebellious stages, and in the “no” stage
In line with what we mentioned, according to Sabina del RÃo Ripoll, psychologist member of the Spanish Society of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Psychotherapy (SEPYPNA), reverse psychology can work if we use this technique as something specific .
In addition, it can be especially effective in young children who are in a rebellious phase.
This phase usually appears between two and three years ; the famous “no” stage, in which the little ones respond with a “no” to everything as a way of reinforcing their identity and autonomy.
In those moments, the “no” leads them to self-affirmation and the feeling of being in control of the situation (they feel that they do things because they want to and not because we ask them to).
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels)
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