For many parents, there are few things they want more than a full night’s sleep. Lack of sleep is no bullshit and many parents turn to baby care books that promise to teach their child to sleep through the night .
In these books several options are raised, and among the most extreme is the “extinction method” (also known as “letting him cry”) which consists of putting the baby to sleep and ignoring his cries (monitoring him regularly to ensure that sick or in danger).
A modified version of this method, also known as “controlled crying,” suggests that parents should ignore the time it takes to respond to the baby’s cry and gradually increase the time it takes to check that the baby is okay. The idea is that babies will end up realizing that no one is going to come and they will choose to fall asleep.
However, there are two big problems with both of these options for teaching babies to sleep, since they can become very distressed if they spend too much time crying, increasing the levels of stress hormones.
Also, ignoring the baby’s cry goes against everything we know about establishing positive attachment relationships. Babies who learn that someone will come to their calls, in a caring and appropriate way, usually end up with better social, emotional and educational skills.
What science says
Research on this topic has reached disparate conclusions, mainly because for many parents leaving their baby crying is too stressful for them. This is not surprising, since parents are mentally programmed to want to go to the cries of the baby. Another study suggests that these types of techniques may only work temporarily or only work for some babies.
In a study that examined whether mothers had put into practice any of the methods to teach the baby to sleep taken from a book, they had only had good results in 20% of the cases. Most had difficulty following the advice or it simply had no result, causing them to feel frustrated and even as if they had failed in the attempt.
One of the reasons that using a method of teaching a baby to sleep does not work is because waking up during the night is a normal development for most babies during the first year of life.
Even adults sometimes have a hard time falling asleep, and insomnia is a common malady. However, unlike babies, adults are able to deal with lack of sleep on our own: we can have a drink, tuck ourselves back in, or rationalize our thoughts.
In addition, some parents may receive conflicting advice, as the main ideas of these studies do not explain the whole truth. In one study, the behavior of several mothers who thought their baby had trouble sleeping was analyzed, either by applying behavioral sleep learning techniques or “normal care.”
Those mothers who applied sleep learning techniques reported having better mental health and fewer sleep problems during the baby’s first year of life. However, the mothers in this group also received information about what is normal in a baby’s sleep and were able to talk with a nurse about their concerns and ideas about caring for the child.
When the study ended, the mothers considered that “having someone to talk to about it” was the most helpful. If true, it may be more important to support new parents than to try to teach babies how to sleep.
What works?
If you are a mother or father reading this and lack of sleep is a problem, do not despair. There are gentler ways to help your baby sleep better that don’t involve having to listen to him cry. The good news is that coming to your aid when you can’t sleep can be just as effective and less stressful for everyone.
First, understanding a baby’s sleep needs and circadian rhythms can go a long way in improving how he sleeps.
There are two mechanisms in the human body that help regulate sleep. The first is the circadian rhythm or biological clock that is regulated by exposure to light, noise, activity level, and social cues at the right time of day. Going outside during the day and dark lighting in the room a couple of hours before putting him to sleep can be very helpful.
For some parents it is difficult to know what habits are helpful when putting the baby to sleep (giving him a bath, changing him or even singing a lullaby or telling him a story).
The second sleep regulating mechanism is something known as “homeostatic sleep pressure”, the urge to sleep (when your eyelids start to get tired) that builds up during daylight hours. The younger we are, the less time we can stay awake.
So understanding the importance of having a nap routine during the day to prevent them from being too tired can go a long way.
It is somewhat easier to achieve when you learn to recognize what your baby’s sleep and feeding needs are, among others. Understanding the clues that the baby gives us can help parents recognize when he is ready for sleep before he is too tired and frustrated.
It also helps to strengthen the bond between parents and children : being able to accurately interpret the needs of the baby, whether it is more activity, time to rest, eat, cuddle or sleep, will mean that parents are more in tune with their little one. No book can teach a mother or father what exactly they are asking for and it is something that can only be learned by observing the baby and by trying things and making mistakes.
Lastly, reducing the stress on parents can make a big difference in the quality of a baby’s sleep. The more we worry about sleep, the more complicated things get.
There are small details, such as accepting what is normal , taking time for ourselves and accepting help, that not only make it easier to feel rested and able to cope, but can also be extrapolated to the baby.
Babies are professionals when it comes to responding to emotional states, so parents are likely to notice how their baby sleeps better and has a better quality of sleep when they also take good care of themselves.
If you are a mother or father who suffers from lack of sleep, do not forget that it will not last forever and that the day will come when the baby will sleep normally.
Authors: Amy Brown, Professor of Children’s Public Health, University of Swansea and Lyndsey Hookway, Doctor of Public Health, University of Swansea.
This article was originally published on The Conversation. You can read the original article here.
Translated by Silvestre Urbón
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