There is a phrase that is totally true: no one is born knowing how to be a father or a mother. When we have children, we begin a new stage in our lives for which -in addition to reading some books or following professional advice- we don’t know much until we are already immersed in it.
Therefore, it is normal that sometimes we can make mistakes or take decisions or actions that are not the best. We share with you the 11 most common mistakes that parents make when raising children .
1) Do not set limits
Many of the mistakes that you will see in this list do not arise because we are “bad” parents, but because several of them we make thinking that we are doing the best for our children or we do it out of love for them , without realizing that it is actually counterproductive. . An example is this first mistake: not setting limits.
Although the word “limit” may sound like something restrictive, the reality is that limits are a necessary and basic part of parenting, but above all, they are very important for the emotional well-being of children, because in this way we begin to teach them the difference between what is right and what is wrong, as well as how to live and relate to other people in a healthy way.
2) Abuse technology
The second item on our list is a mistake that was virtually non-existent in our parents’ generation: using technology in a way that is not responsible. Although there is nothing wrong with bringing children closer to the various devices that exist today, it is important to always do so with certain rules and measures to take into account .
Not using parental control applications, letting children use them without limits or schedules or exposing them to it since they are babies, are some of the mistakes that parents make regarding the use of technology by our children.
3) Say yes to everything
Another mistake that parents can make when raising our children is to say yes to everything, particularly in the case of tantrums or when our children ask us for something very insistently, just because we are tired or because we want to avoid something. bad time with them. The best solution will always be to accompany them and explain to them why what they ask for is not possible , using words appropriate for their age.
4) Compare him to other children (or his siblings)
This is undoubtedly one of the mistakes that we must avoid making at all costs. Comparisons are never good , since in addition to making children feel bad, they are not a good way to explain things to them, nor are they an adequate motivation for them, and possibly we only achieve the opposite effect.
5) Believing they do things on purpose
One of the main things that we have to understand and accept as parents is that our children are little human beings who are just learning everything about life . And I make special emphasis on this, because one of the mistakes that parents sometimes make is to believe that they do certain things on purpose, when in fact they are learning and experimenting or even not even aware that they are doing it wrong.
But many of the things they do that we may not understand are a normal part of childhood , and we need to change our expectations about what we expect of our children.
6) Overindulge
All parents love our children and want to give them the best. But while it’s okay to pamper them with gifts or fulfill a whim from time to time, we must remember to do it in the right measure .
As we once explained, when we consent without any criteria or sense, we encourage them not to learn to tolerate frustration or know the value of things, in addition to not knowing how to act in situations in which they must make an effort to obtain something . .
7) Not teaching by example
We have commented on this many times in Babies and more: the best way to educate our children is by example. For our children, we are their role model, so everything we do (whether we are aware of them or not) is a learning experience for them .
Not teaching by example, or giving negative lessons with bad examples, is another of the mistakes that as parents we must take care of when raising children.
8) Being inconsistent in parenting
Hand in hand with the previous point, we have another mistake that parents sometimes make without realizing it: not being consistent in parenting. With this, we refer to those moments in which we point out to our children that their actions will have consequences but then we do not comply, or the occasions in which we say one thing and do another .
9) Try to be his friend
This is a well-intentioned mistake that parents sometimes make: trying to make friends with our children, in order to have a good relationship and trust us. However, it is important that we always have our roles well defined : we are their parents and they are our children.
Of course, we are not talking about being rigid or authoritarian parents, but about being that guide that our children need and that accompanies them in their development. Having a healthy relationship with our children and with good communication starts from their first years of life, letting them know that we are always there for them .
10) Compliment them all
It is natural that as parents we feel proud of the progress of our children. Recognizing their effort and congratulating them on their achievements or special things is something positive and beneficial for their self-esteem and self-confidence, but we must avoid praising them excessively (even for the basic things they have to do).
11) Do things for them
Finally, one of the mistakes that many fathers and mothers make: doing things for them. Autonomy is an essential part of being human, so we have to encourage it in our children from an early age, so that they are independent and secure people .
Cover photo | Vidal Balielo Jr. on Pexels
