There is a lot of talk, and more and more, of emotional intelligence (EI). But do we really know what it is? Do we put it into practice when raising our children?
In this article we explain what exactly emotional intelligence is, what five pillars make it up and how we can apply each of them in the education of our children.
And also, we talked about why a parenting style based on this skill set benefits children, making it possible for them to develop as emotionally healthy children.
What is emotional intelligence?
The concept of emotional intelligence appears for the first time in psychological literature in 1990, in a writing by Peter Salovey and John Mayer, American psychologists.
But the term is consolidated and popularized thanks to the American psychologist (and journalist) Daniel Goleman, who published in 1995 a book that bears the same name ( Emotional Intelligence ).
The five pillars of emotional intelligence
Goleman describes EI as a wide range of competencies and skills that allow us to manage our own emotions, empathize with others, get excited and commit to things and, ultimately, manage emotions appropriately.
He bases his theory of EI on 5 pillars (or five large areas), which we will learn about throughout the article:
- Emotional self-knowledge (self-knowledge).
- Empathy.
- Emotional self-regulation (emotional self-control).
- Self-motivation (ability to get excited).
- Social skills (interpersonal relationships).
How to educate with emotional intelligence?
But, on a practical level, how can we raise our children from emotional intelligence , so that they grow up emotionally healthy? Through these five pillars that Goleman already enunciated, and that we will develop.
We will explain how to put them into practice and why it is beneficial to do so in the education of our children.
Boost your emotional self-knowledge
As we have seen, one of the pillars of emotional intelligence is emotional self-knowledge, that knowledge we have of our own feelings and emotions , and how they influence us.
If we are able to recognize the way in which our mood affects our behavior, and to recognize our strengths and weaknesses, we will be closer to educating through emotional intelligence.
This pillar of emotional intelligence, by helping us to identify our own emotions, allows us to make decisions in a balanced psychological state , which favors a positive parenting style.
But how do we enhance our emotional self-knowledge? We find several ways to do it: listening to our emotions , observing them, relativizing them, validating them … Writing what we feel, finding moments to stop, meditate, reflect, giving ourselves permission to feel and express, etc.
Put empathy into practice
Another of the pillars of EI is empathy, that ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others. This ability will help us to properly interpret the signals of our children when they are sad or angry, for example, which will help us to provide them with the support or attention they need at all times.
In addition, empathy will help us to establish a close and quality bond with the children, since through it they can feel more understood and accompanied.
How do we put it into practice? For example, when we listen to our son, trying to get rid of our beliefs and judgments , listening from the heart, actively, trying to put ourselves in his shoes.
Develop self-regulation and educate from there
Emotional self-regulation, also known as emotional self-control, is another pillar of EI. It helps us to reflect on our feelings , to manage them and to dominate them when the situation requires it or when we want it.
This ability also allows us not to get carried away by emotions when we are “hot”; Thus, thanks to it, we can better manage impulsivity, for example, and make more conscious decisions (as well as emotional self-knowledge).
Raising from emotional self-regulation is raising by transferring a message to our children, which is the following: it is important to be aware of your own emotions in order to regulate their expression and adapt it to each context.
Also, let’s not forget that we are models for our children , and that they can learn from us through our behavior, imitating it (and offering them the tools they need at all times).
Get motivated and teach your child to be self-motivated
Another of the fundamental pillars of emotional intelligence is self-motivation, or the ability to motivate oneself. This ability drives us to keep improving, despite adversity, and helps us take advantage of life’s opportunities and commit to what we want to achieve.
How to put self-motivation into practice? Focusing our emotions towards our objectives and goals . And once this is done, focusing our attention on these goals, and not so much on the obstacles.
But why is it important to self-motivate and motivate our children, during parenting? How can this help you to be happy? It is important because through it, we are teaching them the importance of motivating themselves and getting excited about things; and it is that motivation is the engine of action, of life.
In addition, we are also teaching them to be proactive, to have initiative and to commit to things.
Prioritize social skills
Finally, the fifth pillar of emotional intelligence is social skills, necessary to connect in a healthy way through our interpersonal relationships.
Therefore, educating through emotional intelligence is educating prioritizing social skills, as an important part of our children’s development.
As we said, these skills will allow them to bond with others , make friends, be themselves, nourish themselves from social relationships …
But how can we do it? On the one hand, and as in the previous points, being models of our children; thus teaching them, indirectly, what are the norms of behavior, the social norms to live in society …
Of course, while promoting that they are themselves and that they find their own way when it comes to bonding.
And on the other, showing them the skills they can put into practice when interacting with others: for example, how to say hello, how to start conversations, how to apologize, how to give and receive compliments, etc.
“I would teach children to be good, with a kindness that I know … when I am a teacher. I would help them find the happiness that they have so close, even if it does not seem like it.”
-Alain Fournier-
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels)
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