There is a phrase that I have always liked and that as a result of becoming a mother made a ‘click’ inside me. It is the one that says: “love me when I least deserve it, because it will be when I need it most .”
I repeat this phrase to myself often when my kids are having a bad day or erupting into a meaningless tantrum to me. And it is in those moments in which their infantile world is turned upside down, when they need my hugs and my kisses the most; when they most need “to be loved”, although in the eyes of the adult “they deserve it the least.”
Faced with “bad behavior”, respond with a hug
Human beings harbor endless emotions within us. In most cases, adults are able to put words to what we feel , and to understand the reason for our mood.
But in the case of children it is different . They need our help to manage their emotions, as they do not have the same capacity as adults to understand, assimilate and verbalize what they are feeling, especially the younger they are.
When we talk about older children or adolescents, the situation is similar. Although these cases do not have the obstacles associated with an immature age, it is a particularly sensitive stage of life, full of changes and insecurities that can also affect the character and behavior of our children.
It is then when parents, who are not perfect or infinitely patient, and we also have exhausting days, respond to this ‘bad behavior’ in a way that is completely opposite to what our child needs: with yelling, punishment, blackmail, threats, labels or simply ignoring it.
It is not difficult to imagine what that child or adolescent may feel then, when the people who should love him the most and hold him emotionally turn their backs on him, judge him or treat him disrespectfully.
What should we do then?
The answer is simple: the same thing that we would like others to do with us when we have a bad day, we are sad, irascible or we can not bear ourselves.
In those moments of maximum inner revolution and emotional vulnerability, hugs and respectful company are the best medicine . And it is that hugging is such a powerful gesture and with so many benefits that sometimes it says more than any word.
Children are no exception and they also feel the ‘healing power’ of hugs in the most convulsive moments.
But do hugs correct bad behaviors? Doesn’t it seem like I’m ‘rewarding’ you?
But when we talk about responding to bad behavior with a hug or a positive and respectful attitude , many parents wonder in confusion if they are not “rewarding” their children’s behavior by doing this.
Absolutely YES. Hugs, love and respect are not only the basis of a healthy child development, both physical and psychological, but they are the only way to educate if we want our children to become empathetic, respectful, safe people with self-esteem strong.
It is normal that parents do not like that our child hits, misbehaves or does not obey. Also, when the child’s behavior is being disrespectful to those around him it should not be approved or tolerated. However, it is important to make our children understand this from positive accompaniment and love , and never from yelling and punishment.
And it is that the attitude we have when educating will be decisive in their learning, their well-being, their personality, their emotional management and their way of relating to others (and especially with us, their parents).
Ultimately, our way of educating will affect your future in a positive or negative way. For this reason, when we believe that “the less they deserve our love”, the more we should love them; while they are small, in adolescence and always.
Photos | iStock
