Little by little Spanish children are returning to the classroom , and this year it is impossible not to feel doubts and even some fear about the health situation we are experiencing. Not surprisingly, many parents are considering not taking their children to school for the moment, and others will do so wrapped in uncertainty and fear.
We have spoken with Mar Romera -teacher, psychologist, psychopedagogue and expert in emotional intelligences and multiple intelligences- about this very atypical return to school and what parents can do to help our children face it with determination and positivism. These are your keys.
Empathize with children
Empathy is the ability to identify with someone and share their feelings, and although it is usually an innate ability in people, we need to foster and encourage it in children from an early age. Young children are empathetic and easily perceive the emotions of others, but it is not easy for them to express or understand their own emotions .
In order to develop empathy and understand the emotions of other people, it is important first to know how to identify and know their own, and for this, parents must help them by encouraging them to express themselves, listening to them with respect and attention, and helping them identify what they feel why they feel it. .
Children are not alien to the reality we are living in , and it is possible that this year some of them will show certain reluctance when it comes to going to school. Mar advises us not to downplay what they feel and put ourselves in their shoes: haven’t we experienced the same thing when we had to go back to work? Don’t we also have doubts when it comes to school?
“You have to listen to the child, let him express himself, let him express his fears and reluctance freely and not restrict, judge or minimize everything he is feeling. This exercise in sincerity will help us find out why he does not want to go to the hospital. school and be able to work on it “ – the expert explains.
Act with prudence and common sense
Since the pandemic began, we have learned preventive measures that we must adopt to avoid contagion: from using the mask correctly, to keeping interpersonal distance and washing our hands frequently with soap and water. We have also involved children in these measures, and many have made them part of their daily routines.
But although prevention is essential, Mar considers that when it comes to children we should not obsess , because by continuously prohibiting them (“do not touch”, “do not do”, “do not share”, “do not go there” …) we could end up promoting in them the appearance of phobias or feelings of disgust that affect their day-to-day life and their development in a very negative way.
“I believe that we must act with common sense , and while it is important to inform children (without alarming them) of the measures we can take to avoid the virus, we cannot lose sight of the fact that children are children , and that at some point they will do something inappropriate at this time such as lowering the mask, touching their face or sucking on a toy that has fallen into their hands, especially in the case of the little ones . “
“We know that these situations are not ideal, but I recommend that we take that moment as calmly as possible so as not to generate stress. I see that, in general, schools are being required to adopt extremely strict measures that not even families we have followed this summer “
“I read in the back-to-school protocols that children are going to be asked to wash their hands five times a day in the five hours that they are going to stay at school . In the case of the little ones, I don’t just think crazy, – because they are going to spend their time at school washing their hands-, but because it will generate great stress for the responsible adult to verify that indeed, children wash their hands and do it well, and for children too It can be overwhelming . “
“Of course it is necessary for them to understand that they should wash their hands , but I insist, without obsessing ourselves and without making children also end up obsessing. Relax, common sense and prudence, but without obsession” – advises Mar Romera.
Ask the children, their creativity is amazing
Many times as adults we insist on doing things in a certain way because we consider that it is the best for our children, without asking their opinion. But Mar advises us to stop and talk to our children , because many times they have a solution that could be applied to a problem that at that moment we could not find a solution:
“Children have great creativity and imagination. If we stop saying ‘No’ to them all the time and ask for their collaboration to face a situation, they will surely give us great ideas and alternatives that we can put into practice . Also, let’s think that by involving them in the search for solutions, they will accept them better and participate in them with enthusiasm “
Be consistent with the message we convey to them
The expert also points out the importance of being consistent with what we say in front of the children and what we say to them later, since in most cases we commit great incoherencies that confuse our children and can even cause negative feelings in them ( “My parents are cheating on me”, “I feel confused”, “I am afraid” …).
“Most adults fear going back to school. And it is not surprising, because 90% of the content of the news these days is about it, in addition to treating the information from an alarmist and negative point of view: doubts about whether the measures will be fulfilled, doubts about whether the cabbages will be safe, outraged teachers, schools that open and then close … “ .
“We are subjected to strong media pressure, and logically, when we see that news we are invaded by fear, rage or anger . We may even have arguments with our partner if the other party sees it differently, or we dedicate ourselves to speak ill of them. managers or the measures that are being taken. And we do all of this in front of our children . “
“Because in most cases we talk about things with them in front of us, without being aware of their presence or thinking that they do not know what we are saying. But of course they do find out! And seeing their parents worried and angry at going back to school doesn’t do them any good . “
“Fear is free and necessary, and sometimes fear makes us make decisions that at a given moment can save our lives. But fear cannot turn into panic, phobia or a feeling of disgust towards people (” don’t touch me “) or to things (” I don’t want to touch this “) because then we have a serious problem that must be treated by a specialist”
” And then the incoherence comes : we feel all those things that we just mentioned but we believe that by putting ourselves in front of our children, changing our faces, smiling at them and telling them that everything will be fine and that school will be great and safe, our children will already be convinced of it “
“But you have to realize that the real message that we have been transmitting to them throughout all this time plus what they hear on the news is not the same. They know that we are lying to them because we are not being consistent with what we are saying. we say and what they hear us say at home, when we think they are not listening to us “ .
Challenges make us grow
Challenges are not always pleasant . They can overwhelm us, scare us and not know how to deal with them to overcome them successfully. In general, we tend to be very comfortable in our comfort zone, but it is important to teach our children that life is full of obstacles that they will have to learn to overcome.
“We are living in a situation that is a real challenge for everyone. I recommend that adults imagine going back to school as if it were a challenge or great adventure , and that is how they transmit it to their children. If we do not overprotect the children , but we help them to face the challenges of life, we will also be helping them to grow emotionally strong, confident, positive and with a strong and healthy self-esteem “ .
“I would like to think that this crisis is going to be an opportunity to change our eyes towards children and towards education. We must listen to them more and take into account their creative opinions. Waiting for everything to return to the normality that we knew before seems sad to me : We have the opportunity to take advantage of this situation and turn it into a challenge from which everyone comes out strengthened, especially from the schools “ – concludes Mar Romera.
Thanks | Mar Romera
In Babies and More | Flashcards for Identifying Emotions and Helping Children Express What Happens to Them: A Resource for Managing Tantrums, Seven Techniques That Work to Help Children Relax and Self-Regulate Their Behavior
