Do you have the feeling that your child does not stop still, as if he had an engine inside? What is very sensitive to its environment? Or, what does it cost you to self-regulate behaviorally and emotionally?
These are some of the characteristics of very emotionally intense children, or highly sensitive children (two different categories).
But what do we talk about in each case? And how do we accompany them to better regulate themselves and to promote their well-being? We will tell you!
Very emotionally intense children
How is a child very emotionally intense? Some of its characteristics:
- Emotional: they are very emotional children; that is to say, their emotions are usually intense and powerful , and they tend to go from one extreme to another, emotionally, with ease (which is called emotional lability).
- Perceptive: they are usually highly perceptive in terms of the stimuli in their environment; thus, they perceive everything quickly and easily, including the smallest or seemingly imperceptible details. They are very focused on their environment.
- Sensitive: they are very sensitive children and very aware of the state of mind and emotions of others, the colors of the environment, noises, smells …
- Difficulties in the face of changes: being so sensitive, changes can cause them anguish or discomfort.
- Attentional difficulties: sometimes, but not always, these children may have difficulties in maintaining attention on a single stimulus (concentration), because their head processes too many stimuli at the same time (in addition to that it is difficult for them to regulate themselves) .
- Restless and / or hyperactive: they are usually very moved children, and they seem to have an internal motor.
- Energetic: another of the characteristics that defines them is their inexhaustible energy . Do not stop!
- They may have self-regulation problems: self-regulation is the ability to regulate one’s emotions and their expression or behavior (for example, anger); intense children may have difficulty regulating themselves in this regard.
… What about highly sensitive children?
A concept related to that of very emotionally intense children, although it is not exactly the same, is that of highly sensitive people.
Elaine Aron, American doctor, psychologist and researcher, identified the highly sensitive personality trait (PAS or highly sensitive people). According to her, PAS appears in 1 in 5 people.
PAS children are very emotionally intense; According to Karina Zegers de Bejil, founder of the Association of People with High Sensitivity of Spain (APASE), they are children whose senses register all the details of their environment. Furthermore, they are also very thoughtful and empathetic.
Although being PAS does not have to be something negative, neither in children nor in adults, the truth is that sometimes you must learn to cope and manage (also as parents of PAS children).
The “least positive” part of this personality trait is the tendency to over-saturation and over-activation , which can lead to stress due to not being able to handle so many stimuli received simultaneously.
As Karina states, based on current research suggests, these children would be more vulnerable to the effects of a negative environment, but would also respond more positively when growing up in a loving , respectful, and loving family. positive.
How to accompany very emotionally intense or highly sensitive children?
As we have seen, emotionally intense children and highly sensitive children share common characteristics. But how to accompany them as parents? Some ideas that can help us:
Avoid places with a lot of noise or a lot of people
A little trick that can help you better accompany your intense or highly sensitive child is to avoid, as far as possible, places with a lot of noise or a lot of people.
Being in quieter places will help you better self-regulate and not oversaturate.
Give him time to rest
Children who are very sensitive to their environment are continually processing and integrating the information and stimuli around them.
Therefore, although all children need to rest, they especially need adequate rest times, although sometimes it is difficult for them to realize or ask for them. Therefore, offer them!
Boost your acceptance
We all deserve to accept ourselves as we are, although this is not an easy task. In addition, accepting ourselves brings us a little closer to accepting our weak points or points for improvement. And acceptance leads us, in turn, not to resist how we are.
In children it is the same; For this reason, help them to accept themselves as they are, without stopping working on those things that enhance their well-being.
Limit the use of screens
Screens overstimulate children; Therefore, if your child is already intense, help him to make moderate use of electronic devices. He thinks that its reduction will also improve his rest.
Empathize
Empathy is an always useful skill in parenting , because it allows us to connect with our children and detect what they need. Therefore, apply it here too, through observation of your child’s behavior and active listening.
Thus, empathy can help you identify what your child needs and how you can provide it.
When it comes to playing: few toys
At this point, when we say few toys, we are not referring to limiting our child’s play, or having “few” toys; we mean showing a few toys every time you play (or every little bit of play).
That is, your child may have many toys, but use few of them at a time. But why? Because sometimes that intensity that these children that we describe overflow makes it difficult for them to stay focused on a stimulus.
So your attention shifts from one side to the other ; and the more stimuli they have (in this case, toys), the more difficult it will be for them to focus on a game and enjoy it, as well as connect with the present moment.
When he’s nervous, go with him and wait for him to calm down
Emotionally intense children also go through moments of great internal intensity; that is, at the level of nervousness or anger.
If they are at a time like this, wait for them to calm down to talk with them (but, be careful! It is not about leaving them alone; you can also accompany them in this process of calming down).
It’s about respecting their rhythms and finding the best time to speak. Emotional self-regulation has to do with all this.
“Every emotion has its place, but it should not interfere with proper action.”
-Susan Oakey-Baker-
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels)
Babies and more | High demand babies: can my child be one of them ?, Connecting emotionally with children, key to treating (and preventing) serious behavior problems in childhood
