Hitting is a physical aggression, and although it is something that years ago was part of the upbringing of many parents towards their children, the truth is that today we know that hitting is a completely unacceptable and detrimental behavior for the development of children .
It is a form of abuse that has physical consequences, but above all psychological ones, which will leave an indelible mark on that creature.
In addition, according to science, this behavior is totally harmful. This is how we discussed it in the previous article “Corporal punishment does not correct or improve children’s behavior, quite the contrary” , where we presented a meta-analysis that analyzed 69 studies from different countries, which revealed that physical punishment does not correct or improve children’s behavior, but have exactly the opposite effect.
In this article we put ourselves on the side of children and analyze what they can feel when they are physically attacked , and also, what consequences hitting has on the development of attachment in childhood.
What emotional and behavioral consequences does hitting us have?
According to the aforementioned meta-analysis, physical punishment leads to behavioral problems in children over time, is not associated with positive outcomes of any kind, increases the risk of becoming involved with child protective services, and predicts worsening behavior over time.
But, and if we also get inside children, what do you think a child can feel when they hit him? We leave you some reflections on this, remembering that each child is a world and that we always talk about general considerations that children who are physically abused might feel.
How does a child feel if you hit him?
Feels attacked (also psychologically)
The first point is that the child who is physically attacked feels attacked, precisely because he is being attacked. What do we mean by this?
That when they hit him he is not thinking that this is part of normal upbringing (unless he normalizes it over time, which is terrible), but that he feels bad, he feels hurt, mistreated. And a child who feels this way is very likely to end up developing trauma , as well as psychological problems of all kinds.
may not understand
But something else can also happen, especially if the child is very young, and that is that he does not understand what is happening. That is to say, that he does not understand the meaning of being hit, the cause, the explanation, the why.
Of course he doesn’t understand it, because it’s something unnatural that has nothing to do with educating, but with mistreating. And this, in addition to generating an emotional wound in the child , can generate a lot of confusion, bewilderment and restlessness.
You do not feel loved (which impacts your self-esteem)
The child who is attacked also feels unloved, because precisely in aggression it is the antithesis of love; With this we do not mean that parents who hit their children do not love them, but rather that at that moment they are not showing it, because that behavior has nothing to do with love .
And it is that, let us think, if we hit a child, what message are we transmitting? That is not valid, enough, dear, because we are carrying out a behavior that is harmful and painful for him. And this also directly affects his self-esteem (as if he were not worthy of love).
he feels humiliated
A humiliation is an offense that someone or something causes in the pride or honor of a person . Children who are attacked can also feel that way, humiliated, because they are damaging their self-esteem, their pride and their dignity (and even more so when that aggression comes from their parents, who should take care of them and protect them from harm).
feel mistrust
Abused children also feel distrust towards their parents, because a figure that theoretically has to provide you with love , security, support, calm… is giving you precisely the opposite: pain and psychological suffering.
Thus, it is normal for them to feel this distrust towards their parents (even towards others, because they end up spreading that distrust), which ends up having a direct impact on the type of attachment they will develop with their main caregivers (and also with other people).
Hitting: how it affects the attachment that children develop
We have talked on several occasions about attachment, and attachment parenting. We speak of attachment to refer to the first important link in the life of any baby, which usually develops with its main figure (the parents).
This is built from the interactions with their parents , and above all, from the quality of those interactions, from the way in which they are cared for and protected and, ultimately, through how parents cover their physical and emotional needs. of the little one
If these interactions are healthy, if the child is protected, cared for, loved, etc., he will end up developing a healthy attachment with his caregivers. But if there is negligence in his care, any form of abuse (such as hitting), if he is neglected, if he is sometimes attended to and sometimes not, etc., then he will develop an insecure attachment.
Insecure attachment is that link contaminated by fear, which the child expresses through behaviors such as rejection, ambivalence, insecurity, dependence, confused emotions …
A secure attachment is the basis of a healthy way of bonding, and if it is not, the child will end up having problems in his personal relationships but also with himself (in his own self-esteem).
emotional intelligence and parenting
Remember that physical aggression is a form of abuse, which is a crime , in addition to having serious psychological consequences for the development of our little one.
The best ally to avoid resorting to these behaviors that are so harmful to the development of children during upbringing is to put emotional intelligence into practice. How? Learning to…
- Identify our emotions and that of our children.
- Express and manage these emotions in an assertive and healthy way.
- Look for alternatives to punishment.
- Set boundaries respectfully.
- Use empathy: put ourselves in our son’s place, how would we feel if we were attacked?
- Putting your protection, safety and well-being first.
The importance of respectful and conscious parenting
The first step to fight against disrespectful parenting is being aware of how we are educating, that perhaps we are repeating patterns that we ourselves live in our own childhood and above all, become aware of what parents we want to be and what we want to transmit to our children, who are the most precious asset and who deserve all our love.
And once our own upbringing has been identified, it is about educating just the opposite way, and using humanity and common sense: that is, from respect and love, putting into practice a respectful and conscious upbringing.
Photos | Cover (Freepik)
