LivingWhen your in-laws get too involved in raising your...

When your in-laws get too involved in raising your kids

“My mother-in-law constantly tells me how I have to educate my children…” Has it happened to you? Do you feel that your political family interferes too much in the upbringing of your children?

Sometimes it happens that our mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, cousins of our partner, etc., try to decide how we should educate our children, even if they are not theirs.

It is a situation that generates tension and discomfort and that, in addition, can also end up harming the couple’s relationship, generating arguments.

If you are in this situation, it is normal that you feel uncomfortable. First of all: don’t feel guilty about it! You have the right to educate your children as you and your partner consider.

Advising is not the same as interfering

In addition, it is one thing to accept advice , to let oneself be accompanied , to be open to learning, and quite another to put up with them interfering in our decisions and putting up with comments that harm us or that question our way of mothering.

But, how to get out of this situation and improve the relationship with the in-laws? How to learn to set limits?

When your in-laws interfere too much in the upbringing of your children: how can we act?

If, with your in-laws, you find yourself constantly justifying why you educate your children in this way, avoiding unfortunate comments, saving certain words so as not to create discomfort , perhaps it is time to put your cards on the table and start protecting your needs.

How to act if our in-laws interfere in our upbringing of children and this also has an impact on the couple? First of all, be calm: you have the right to feel this way . Take a deep breath and start reading the key ideas that we propose to start working on it:

1. Talk it over with your partner

The first step you can do is talk about all this with your partner. Tell him what worries you about the situation, what attitudes bother you about him and/or your family, how you can solve it together…

It is important that you encourage honest and open communication and that you always speak to each other with respect, listening to the other’s opinion and letting them speak.

The fact of talking with your partner will bring you closer, it will allow you to know what their vision is, reach common points and, above all, begin to act as the team that you are.

2. Make it clear that you respect his family

When you speak with your partner, and before speaking with your in-laws, it is important that you make it clear that you respect their family, their way of being and their customs, but that there are situations that generate discomfort and limits that you cannot tolerate.

It is about improving the situation and protecting you from what hurts you, not about generating more conflict.

3. Do not compare your family with your in-laws

They already say that comparisons are hateful… therefore, try to avoid comparing your families. They are different families, with different members , and furthermore, the bond that binds you to each of them is of a very different nature as well.

Therefore, it is useless to compare both families, except to feel even worse. If you really feel that your relationship with your in-laws is tense, or that there are behaviors of theirs that you don’t like , it’s time to stop comparing yourself and talk about it with them.

Remember that saying things is not disrespectful and that by talking people understand each other. Fear not and move on to the next step.

4. Talk to your in-laws

It is important that you can also express what is happening to you directly with your in-laws. It is clear that not all of us have the same trust with our partner’s family, and perhaps you do not have maximum trust with them.

Even so, it is important that you can verbalize those things that bother you. To make it easier for you, try doing it first with that member of the family with whom you feel a little more in tune , or with whom you have a little more confidence.

Express what bothers you, for example, that they interfere too much in your life, the way they address you, the way you talk about your children, etc. Whatever you want to express, opt for transparency and assertiveness, two tools that will facilitate communication.

5. Set limits

And we come to the great “crux” of the matter: the limits. Setting limits is acting assertively , which is nothing more than the ability to express what we think and feel with respect and frankness, without hurting or harming the other.

If you really feel that your in-laws interfere too much in your life, it’s time to set limits. To set limits, you must first identify those behaviors that bother you and be clear about what you (and your family) need.

The second step is to communicate it; You can start with limits that are easier for you to set. For example: “it is not good for us that you come every afternoon to see the children, for logistical reasons we prefer that it be only a couple of afternoons a week”. What other things help us set limits?

How to set limits?

And it is that many times the conflicts with the in-laws arise because of that tendency they have to interfere in our upbringing. And they are things that generate a lot of tension , not only in parenting, but with the couple.

Hence, the importance of setting limits. Some tips that can help us put them are:

  • Identify what bothers us and what we need.
  • Verbalize it, that is, establish the limits (with the in-laws and with the partner).
  • Start with “small” things that cost us less.
  • Trust our criteria and our instincts when raising our children and identify what we need.
  • Remember: you don’t need a “great reason” to set limits, just trust yourself.
  • Nor do you have to “justify” why you set certain limits , although you can express why you set them (which is not the same thing).
  • And above all, remember that you have the right to set limits; This is what self-care is all about!

And you, have you been overwhelmed by the advice of your mother- in-law? Have you ever felt that your in-laws meddled too much in your way of educating? If so, we encourage you to allow yourself to get angry and start getting practical by trying some of our tips.

And above all, remember that you have the right to show yourself as you are and to decide what is best for your family. Whatever you choose, it will be fine. Trust yourself!

Photos | Cover (freepik), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)

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