In the early days of Disneyland and the Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom, theme parks used an alphabet-coded ticketing system instead of the current policy of paying a price. An »E-Ticket» was the most coveted because it allowed entry to the best attractions in the parks. I’m coining the term “Z-Tickets” to highlight what I think are among the worst theme parks have to offer. Not individual attractions per se. Think of Z-Tickets as the quotes fans like yourself would write if they could issue a citizen’s arrest to theme park, water park, and amusement park officials.
Is something bothering you? Going crazy? Are you crazy as hell and won’t you take it anymore? Well, put on your dark shades, slip up to the guest relations window at the offending theme park, ask the rep for their license and registration, and pull out your sharpest pencil. Time to give them a Z-Ticket. Here are my top ten Z-Ticket rants (in no particular order):
1. food
Most parks offer the same tasteless garbage. To shame! There is a rich and great tradition of delicious treats in classic amusement parks. I’m not talking about gourmet cuisine (although Disney and Universal parks prove it possible). Think Nathan’s hot dogs at Coney Island, frozen custard on the boardwalk piers, or fresh-cut fries at Kennywood and Lake Compounce. Food is almost as much a reason to visit parks as roller coasters. It is an indelible part of the amusement park experience.
Today the parks get a frozen slab of chemically enhanced dough, flavorless tomato sauce and cheese that cannot be distinguished from the wax paper it is served on. Then they heat it up and have the nerve to call it pizza, and the audacity to charge up to $ 9.99 a slice (yes, I’m talking about you, Six Flags parks). Worse still, they forbid us from bringing food to their parks (and going through our bags in the name of security to make sure we don’t), so they hold us hostage with their excessive gastrointestinal excuses for dinner.
Too many parks seem to regard food as an afterthought. And that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
2. Parking fees
3. Mandatory locker policies
Banning loose items at attractions like roller coasters makes perfect sense. (The glasses that I had kept in my shirt pocket during a ride on Universal Studio Florida’s Revenge of the Mummy years ago are probably still strewn among the archaeological ruins of the roller coaster building.) But the mandatory locker policies that some parks, including Six Flags, enforce for some of their rides make little sense.
At most roller coaster charging stations, guests can leave their backpacks, hats, stuffed animal prizes, and other items in containers while traveling. Six Flags has removed the containers on many of its most popular roller coasters and is requiring guests, even before lining up, to store loose items in lockers located on the ride, for a fee. That stuffed animal you won at the Six Flags booth will cost you an additional $ 1 locker fee every time you board a roller coaster, as lockers at the top of the queues expire after a two-hour limit .
The park chain says the locker policy helps speed up the loading and unloading process and reduces property theft. I’m saying it’s primarily a money steal for Six Flags. Guests can make the decision and take responsibility for risking leaving something valuable at the charging station. And if Six Flags policy focused solely on guests, parks could offer courtesy lockers (as Universal Orlando does for some of its attractions). Instead, it’s nickel and dime and tithing your customers and sacrificing customer goodwill in the process.
More Z-Tickets: discounts on duels and other reviews!
4. Line cut
5. Discounts on duels
There you are at the ticket office of the amusement park. The person in front of you brought five specially marked soda cans and saved $ 25 in admission fees. The person next to you has a fun book coupon from the visitor’s office and it saved him $ 38 from his bill. And a guy walking towards the turnstiles was avoiding the ticket line entirely; He saved $ 45 connecting and brought home his printed tickets to the park.
But you, poor schlemiel, seem to be the only person paying the published admission fee. Sure, parks need to advertise and entice visitors to visit their parks, but a dizzying array of discounts can alienate the have-nots. It seems to me that a one-price policy makes a lot more sense. Since that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon, we need to be smart consumers and stay on top of park promotions.
6. Front door slowdowns
7. Drinks
As with no-food policies, many parks prohibit guests from bringing cans or bottles into the parks. Then they offer a few low-flow, warm, dirty, and bad-tasting water coolers … or bottles of water at $ 3.00 (shot!) Per pop. When, as a society, did we decide that it was okay to pay for water? Rest assured, as long as we are willing to pay for it, the parks will be happy to charge us for it. If parks allow it, bring your own water to the park.
8. Lazy Ride Ops
Lines are the bane of theme park fans. But we know that the hours we spend in line are the price we must pay for the minutes we spend on board trips; We accept our lot in life. What we don’t accept are ineffective tour operators unnecessarily slowing down the lines. Roller coasters, or any popular ride, should never leave the station with empty seats. Do you hear that, Marineland of Niagara Falls?
Good lookups look for individual passengers and fill every seat every time. They also quickly and efficiently move guests in and out of attractions, check security restrictions, and keep lines flowing. A trip comes from a manufacturer with a theoretical performance number – the volume of guests that the trip can accommodate with maximum efficiency. It is up to driving operations to provide maximum efficiency.
9. Crowd control
We know that the lines are part of the park experience (see above). But there is a limit to our patience. Sometimes parks allow too many patrons to enter their doors and every walk, concession stand, and bathroom turns into an intolerable crush on people. At some point, it stops being fun (and it can get unsafe, too). While I’m not reluctant that any park makes money, especially given the relatively short peak season, it seems to me that they should set a cap on the number of guests they allow inside their gates.
Of course, this will make people quite upset, but there has to be a trade-off. And when parks anticipate a large visitor count, they must do their best to increase employee numbers, open all attractions, and keep things moving as efficiently and equitably as possible.
10. The weather
indoor water parks
. They are weather resistant.
