During pregnancy, there are many things we think about and prepare for while we wait for the arrival of the big day: the birth of our baby. And although it can also cause some nervousness and fear, with the proper and correct preparation and accompaniment, it is certainly a memorable experience.
But what if it is not like that and instead of being something special and full of joy it turns out to be a negative experience? Today I share with you a reflection about when a bad birth cancels your desire to have more children .
Childbirth: a unique and special moment for mother and baby
The birth of a baby (or several, in the case of multiples) is undoubtedly one of the most important and transcendental moments in the lives of mothers and children . Not only is it the end of a great stage of transformation such as pregnancy, but it is also the moment when we finally see our baby for the first time.
It is that moment in which we finally have the opportunity to hold our son in our arms , contemplate his face and feel that, now, our life as mothers really began. Some mothers experience the crush immediately, while others feel it as the days go by, which is also completely normal.
And although perhaps our birth is not identical to that experience that we dream or idealize, in most cases we feel happy and calm, because we finally have our baby with us. However, not all women have a positive birth experience .
Let’s talk about obstetric violence
Although previously it was not talked about and there were even those who tried to deny it or say that it was exaggerated when using that term, the truth is that obstetric violence is something real and for what many women suffer every year when having their children.
Some time ago we shared the results of a study carried out in Spain, where one in ten women claimed to have had a traumatic delivery . From this study we can mention some figures, which show the reality that some mothers live during the birth of their children:
- To 34% of those who had already had a childbirth it had seemed a worse experience than they had in their mind.
- 16% of those surveyed claimed to have suffered phases of loss of control.
- Almost 11% had felt helpless.
- More than 6% came to fear for their physical integrity.
- For almost 31% of those surveyed, their delivery did not meet their expectations or their wishes based on the experience.
- Almost 32% affirm that they did not have the capacity to decide their type of delivery.
- And finally, 36% regret their delivery and if they could go back they would choose otherwise.
Although these figures may be disappointing, they are better than in previous years, meaning that progress has gradually been made to give mothers a humane and respected birth experience , be it natural delivery or cesarean section.
But even so, all over the world there continue to be cases in which medical personnel do not give mothers the treatment they deserve , from not respecting their wishes, to saying hurtful phrases or doing procedures without their authorization, such as episiotomies.
When a bad delivery cancels your desire to have more children
If this has been your case, first of all, I want to tell you that I am sorry, that I wish you had not gone through that experience and that wherever you are, I hug you . Personally, I did not go through a birth that left me without wanting to have more children, although the experience of my cesarean section did have many things that I would do differently or that I would change if I could go back in time.
Perhaps I did not experience such a bad birth, but I do know cases in which a bad or postpartum birth has left couples without wanting to have another baby . A very close case is that of a cousin, who after a serious postpartum complication that put her life at risk, decided with her husband that they would no longer have children.
Although what happened to him is something that does not happen often, after that terrifying experience they preferred not to risk going through the same thing. The rest of the family was heartbroken by her decision, but we never insist, because we respect her and we know that her peace of mind comes before anything else. In addition, in health matters and certain complications, as in your case, the reality is that sometimes it is better not to risk it .
However, if the bad experience you had was related to the treatment by the medical staff, I would like to tell you something: do not allow the bad treatment during your delivery to end your dream of having more children, if that is what you want. . Fortunately, there are doctors and health professionals who give families the respectful and humane treatment they deserve, and although you may have had a bad first experience, this does not mean that it will always be this way.
If you feel that a bad birth has canceled your desire to have more children , the best thing you can do is inform yourself, seek the support of medical personnel who give you a dignified and friendly treatment, and who can accompany you throughout this process of trying again. . And of course, going to therapy, something that regardless of whether you decide to try again or not, will help you heal those wounds that a bad experience left you.
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