A few days ago I reflected on the way in which motherhood has changed my life. All of us who have been through this know that, although we do not all experience it in the same way (the mere fact of giving birth at term or not can make a huge difference), exhaustion and mental load is a common denominator that identify all of them . But when does that mental load really start?
To be honest, until recently I thought that it came from when you saw your baby for the first time, but looking back (it’s an exercise I usually do to try to understand many things), I realized that it didn’t. That this “mental load of mother” appeared in my life the moment I knew that my baby was on the way . At that moment my actions would no longer affect only my life, but also that of another person whose existence I had been wishing for a long time. Along with a baby, an additional burden of responsibility that was impossible to share with my partner began to take shape.
When the course of pregnancy and small decisions become a mental burden
In my case, just over a month into my pregnancy, a clot ten times larger than the size of the embryo was detected, an issue that led me directly to relative rest at home. After the miracle of becoming pregnant, I was scared to even get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
I had a hard time launching myself out when the doctor told me that it had been solved. My joy lasted two months because in the fourth I was diagnosed with placenta previa and with it, I returned home with a cocktail of absolute and relative rest until delivery. With this, we added a few more kilos to the already heavy backpack of my mental load.
In between, came the “small decisions”:
-What stroller do we buy?
-Husband: I don’t know, the one you like the most.
-And we bought a mini crib? Will it be necessary?
-Husband: No idea, is that still used?
-I’m not sure… and I don’t know if I’ll breastfeed her or not…
-Husband: Whatever you decide will be fine
I don’t know if this has happened to someone else, and if some of you were so indecisive when choosing a stroller or deciding whether to have a crib or not. What I am sure of is that we have normalized that we investigate this type of thing ourselves, with the corresponding responsibility that if we make a mistake, either because we chose something that in the end did not end up giving us a good result or that we never directly use ( I know of many cribs that have been turned into a laundry basket), the blame will fall on your shoulders . And it doesn’t matter if your partner doesn’t tell you… you made a bad decision, and you know it (as the meme says).
Each pregnancy is a world and although parents are getting more and more involved, it is true that sometimes, either on a whim or because it is difficult for us to delegate, we are the ones who bear the weight of everything without question . About these things it is also necessary to talk, because surely sometimes the counterpart doesn’t even know. Well, this at least was my case, which I repeat, clearly it will not be the same as the rest…or will it?
