One of the most powerful tools we have in parenting is dialogue . Being able to talk about any topic with our children is ideal for us as parents and that “open field” that we should all have available when a difficult moment arises . However, being able to communicate calmly and honestly with our children is not something that has a start date, but a habit that is cultivated since our children are babies.
The golden rule: dedicate time to them
It is very difficult to establish the habit of talking and the confidence to do it on any subject, if we do not spend time with the person with whom we want to do it, even more so if it is a small child . It is not necessary to do extraordinary things with them (or what they usually call “quality time”), but simply to share the day to day and above all, take advantage of the time to play as much as we can.
Take an interest in the things that interest them
Who does not like to talk about any topic with someone who shares (or at least knows), our hobbies or our tastes? To our children, the first. Showing interest in the things they like (like those pictures you have never seen before, about their friends or the new edition of Lego), is key for them to feel that we have common interests and topics that we enjoy talking about. This is also a tip that can very effectively pay the way to maintain the habit in adolescence.
Discuss daily events with them
There is no minimum age to comment on the things that happen around us with them … in fact we should do it since they are babies. With my two-year-old daughter we talked about the pupa that was done the day before and the importance of looking at where you put your feet to try not to make it happen again, or about next week’s visit to Grandma’s house and toys that are stored there.
With the oldest (who is 6 years old), we talked about the importance of getting vaccinated to avoid getting very sick, about the photos that her cousins sent us of her visit to the beach or about how exciting the last chapter of the word was. This is, without a doubt, the most natural way we have for chatting with our children to become a habit.
Chat about your emotions
Talk about what happens around us, about things that have happened to them and about the emotions that these have generated in them (taking the previous point as an example, I am referring to the pain caused by the fall, the happiness of seeing their grandparents again , the joy that they generate to see that people they love have had a lot of fun), gives rise to make our conversation more interesting and we connect with each other in a stronger way.
Listen carefully
With the number of distractions we have around us (starting with our own cell phone, or the problems that arise on a day-to-day basis), it is easy to hear but not actively listen to our children when they speak to us. That “mommy, mommy” that we hear two hundred million times a day harbors some powerful reason that requires our full attention. We cannot teach what respect means if we do not have it with them in something as basic and as important as listening when they want to say something to us.
Answer all your questions
Children are curious by nature: it is one of the most powerful tools they have to discover the world around them, so it is very important that you answer all their questions, always using a language appropriate to their age.
Eat with them (and turn off the TV)
I think lunch or dinner time is a great time to instill the habit of dialogue. You should not always be the one asking questions: take the initiative to tell something funny that happened to you at work, or ask your partner something you want to know (not about the pending call to the accountant, but something that is interesting to them). them), and the conversation between the family will naturally arise.
Pay attention to your body language
Many times the gestures we make or the posture of our body say more than our own words . If our son speaks to us and we simply manage to nod with a bored gesture, it is logical that he loses interest (more if it is a recurring act). Looking into their eyes, smiling when something amuses us, surprising us when they tell us something that we did not expect or when they tell us some of their feats, shows interest in what they say and thus we create a positive environment in which they will always feel satisfaced.
In Babies and More | When your children demand your attention, give it to them; don’t be distracted
