Christmas is approaching and threatening phrases begin to children about the importance of “behaving well” so that the Three Wise Men or Santa Claus bring them all the toys.
Sometimes it is the parents themselves who send these messages to our children without being aware of their connotations, although this type of set phrase is so popular that even the supermarket cashier, the baker or the complete stranger we meet on the street they also end up telling them to children.
“Have you been good this year?”; “Remember that the Magi are watching you!”; “If you behave badly, the Magi will leave you coal” … We explain the powerful reasons why we should not say these types of phrases to children .
1) Because we intend to modify your behavior through threats or blackmail
The phrases that revolve around the Magi or Santa Claus observing and judging the behavior of children to leave gifts or not, are tremendously powerful blackmailing messages that seek to modify the behavior of the child under a disguised threat.
But by throwing these types of messages at the child not “only” we cause them to act from fear and submission (and not from responsibility), but it can also cause damage to their self-esteem and confidence, humiliation, feelings of guilt, insecurity or shame .
2) Because we intend to modify your behavior with rewards
But just as bad are the emotional blackmails and threats, like the rewards. And it is that when we tell the child that “if he behaves well, the Three Wise Men will bring him all the gifts” , we are sending him the message that good behavior carries a reward.
Rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin , although it is not always easy to be aware of this. And it is that both options aim to modify the child’s behavior using an external factor: gifts.
But in addition, there is also another important point that we must take into account: what happens if our economy does not allow us to give our children all the gifts they have asked for? What if those much-desired toys sell out in stores and we can’t offer them to you? The most probable thing then is that the child believes that it has been bad and consequently, the Three Wise Men or Santa Claus have not brought him the gifts he has asked for.
3) Because all children are “good”
What does it mean for a child to be good or behave? We adults consider that some behaviors of children are not appropriate, but that does not mean that a child is bad.
Children are learning, forming and developing their personalities. And although they sometimes make mistakes, they are not acting maliciously or doing so to annoy or challenge us, but as part of their learning and development.
Therefore, let us not hang the label of “good” or “bad” on the child, nor put on their shoulders the responsibility of acting “well” autonomously. Children need loving and respectful accompaniment in their learning, not punishments, threats, or rewards for their behavior.
4) Because children stop acting responsibly
Children have to learn that everything we do has consequences for others, and these consequences should be much more important than having or not having gifts at Christmas.
That is, if we condition the behavior of the child to the gifts he receives , he will never learn the real consequences of his actions, he will not identify his mistakes and, therefore, he will not learn from them to repair them.
Thus, if a child receives coal instead of toys because he has not behaved as the adult considers that he should have, apart from being tremendously cruel and humiliating, what teaching will he be receiving? How will you know when it has failed? How can you repair these mistakes if no one has taught you to identify them in time and look for solutions?
5) Because it causes stress
Alluding to all of the above, children should act like children, make mistakes and learn with respectful and loving accompaniment, and not under the constant stress of being judged, rewarded or punished .
Because if we think about it, “having to behave well” at all times, suppress a tantrum “because the Kings are watching” or get good grades so that Santa Claus brings everything he has asked, far from being an incentive, is harmful to the emotional health of the child and can cause great pressure and anxiety.
6) Because children can be afraid
How would you feel if you were continually told that someone you have never met or met is watching your every move through the window? What would you think if others remembered you every day that you go where you go, or whatever you do, that stranger will know everything about you?
Personally I find this a terrifying idea!
Well, surely the same thing happens to children. And, how can you not feel fear or tension when you think someone is watching you to take note of your behavior and judge you later?
7) Because it can turn a magical moment into a nightmare
The way in which children live Christmas is one of the most beautiful things there is. We adults remember those moments of our childhood with great nostalgia and a huge smile on our lips, and as parents, we love to help that magic last for a long time .
So, let’s stop muddying children’s magical thinking about the figure of Santa Claus and the Three Wise Men with threatening, fearful and terrible ideas. Let them live freely and happily as long as the magic lasts .
8) Because we avoid our responsibility as parents when it comes to educating
Raising and educating is one of the most complicated things there is, and it is our duty as parents to do it in the best possible way. It is logical that we make mistakes, but we must be aware of the importance of “being present” in the upbringing of our children, and not avoid our educational responsibility by attributing it to these fictitious characters.
9) Because it’s a lie
Finally, there is another powerful reason why to stop telling children that the Kings will not bring them gifts if they behave badly: it is a lie and we know it; that is to say, we are conscientiously deceiving them.
And it is that, no matter how he behaves, we are going to give our son Christmas gifts, so using the tagline of the Magi or Santa Claus is as absurd, incongruous and false, as it is harmful.
Photos | iStock, Pexels
In Babies and More | Three mistakes that parents should avoid, Five things that you can easily escape, but you should avoid telling your children, Why don’t I like phrases like “have you been good?”, “The Magi and Santa Claus see it everything “,” if you misbehave, they won’t bring you gifts “
