Surely, all of us have had complexes at some point in our lives. Children also go through this process, and it is important to be able to identify this situation to help our son feel better about himself.
Complexes have an impact on self-esteem and self-concept, and can make children feel less valid, sad, insecure …
As we will see, our role as parents should be aimed at accompanying our child in his emotions, validating them, and promoting good self-esteem so that this complex gradually becomes a physical or psychological characteristic that does not have to embarrass, by contrary.
A characteristic that is part of oneself and that also deserves our love. But what is a complex really? How does this impact psychologically and what can we do if our child has complexes?
What is a complex?
When we speak of complexes, we refer to those negative or distorted beliefs about one’s physical or psychological aspect; that is to say, aspects, especially of the physical, that we do not like about ourselves and that cause us insecurities, and that we also understand as “defects”.
People can have a specific complex or several of them, these being mild or more serious. Of course, all complexes share this element in common: they damage our vision of ourselves (that is, our self-concept ), as well as our self-esteem, which makes us feel inferior in some aspects.
Especially in childhood (and adolescence), complexes can have a greater impact on a psychological level, and these usually refer mainly to the physical aspect; eg height, have pimples, have a large nose , wear glasses, be overweight, wear dental braces, have large ears, be very thin, etc.
How do complexes affect childhood?
Complexes affect children psychologically. We talk about three of its most relevant impacts.
They damage the self-concept
Self-concept is defined as the image we have created about ourselves, the vision we have of ourselves, on a physical, psychological and relational level.
Children build their own self-concept from a young age, through their own experiences and beliefs, and the responses they get from their environment. These beliefs include concepts related to that mental image that they have of themselves.
What about complexes? That damage that self-concept , distort it and make it more negative. And this, in turn, has a direct impact on self-esteem.
Decrease self-esteem
While self-concept is the most “cognitive” part of oneself (what we think about ourselves), self-esteem is the most emotional part.
Thus, it has to do with how we feel about ourselves, with our body image (what feelings it causes us), with our values, personality … and with what we do with all of it (which includes attitudes and behaviors).
Self-esteem, in a nutshell, is everyone’s self-esteem. And if the self-concept is negative, due to the complexes we mentioned, the self-esteem is also more likely to be.
A child with complexes may feel inferior, less valid , less capable, and may see himself as “ugly”, which has an undeniable impact on his own self-esteem.
They create insecurities and fears
Complexes also create insecurities and fears in children , who may even stop doing things because of those insecurities or fears. For example, they may be afraid of being laughed at, and avoid going to certain places (for example, attending a birthday party).
They may be afraid that they will look too much at their “defects” (what makes them complex), that they will judge them, that they will bully them … And all this will have a negative influence on their well-being and social relationships.
How to help our son overcome his complexes?
Do you think your son has a complex? How to help you in this process?
Keep it from becoming a taboo subject
It is important that you can openly discuss the subject with your child; However, we know that it is not an easy task, since normally what we do not like about ourselves (and what makes us complex) we tend to hide it , to downplay it … So children can do it too.
Therefore, if you have detected what you think creates insecurities in your child, try to openly address the issue with him, ask him with sensitivity and respect but avoid becoming a taboo subject.
Listen actively
To prevent the topic from becoming taboo, it is important to actively listen to our child; ask him directly and listen to how he feels , what he thinks of this complex, what ideas are behind it, what consequences it brings …
And above all, it is important not to judge him or try to “get this complex out of his head”. The key is not to impose, to accompany and let your emotions flow.
Of course, we must also find a way to encourage a little more objective and realistic thinking.
Don’t confront it; validate his emotions and accompany him
Thus, as we said in the previous point, it is not about trying to “eliminate” without further ado that complex of our son, simply telling him that “do not worry about it”; because in this way, we are ceasing to validate their emotions .
Thus, it is not about reinforcing that complex, but about trying to understand our son, with phrases such as “I understand that you feel bad”, “I understand that you are sad”, at the same time that we try to take distance and perspective from his “defect “, that he modifies that negative vision , that he tries to see the positive part of what he does not like …
In this way we validate their emotions, accompany them and make ourselves available for them to express themselves, while trying to dismantle the negative beliefs that revolve around their complex or their own image.
Boost your self-esteem
Complexes are enemies of self-esteem , and vice versa; For this reason, reinforcing children’s self-esteem is essential to break this vicious cycle of “I don’t like this about me” -> “since I can’t change it, I stop loving myself”.
If you want your child to begin to have a more positive view of himself, and value himself as he deserves, start by reinforcing those positive things he has , especially on an emotional level. Make him feel capable, valid, important and unique.
While it is true that in self-love, change begins with oneself, it is also true that the environment can facilitate the path to positive self-esteem.
“Loving yourself means understanding that you don’t have to be perfect to be good.”
-Anonymous-
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)
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