In a few days our children will be officially on vacation. Gone are the early mornings and the afternoons of homework and study, which have been especially intense in recent weeks due to the closing of the course.
As a final point to the academic year that ends, the children will receive their grades or report cards , and once again we believe it is important to reflect on what this can mean for them if parents do not manage the moment in a positive way.
On other occasions we have talked about why punishing children for the grades they bring is not effective or will help them improve, and today we want to do the same with the prizes.
Is it advisable to reward children for their grades? What are the pros and cons of this deeply rooted practice among families?
Rewarding for grades: a very common practice
Rewarding children for the grades they bring has been a common practice for years. In fact, I remember that when I was a girl, most of my friends received prizes for their academic performance when they finished the course , such as new bicycles or skates, the most fashionable toy at that time or tickets to a show, among others.
Also today children are still rewarded for their grades , and there are even many parents who decide to go further and ‘throw the house out the window’, giving their children surprising trips as recognition for their grades.
It is usually easier to understand that punishments are not an educational way of teaching children the consequences of their actions, but when we talk about rewards, the same is not true. And it is that the idea of rewarding for carrying out a task , behaving “correctly” or getting good grades does not seem like something negative. On the contrary, what could harm the fact of recognizing good behavior with a material reward?
Perhaps that is why we parents often make the mistake of rewarding our children when we believe they have done things well; in this case, when they have made an effort and we consider that their grades have been good .
Reasons why we should not reward our children for the grades they get
In my opinion, there are four powerful reasons why rewarding children for the grades they bring is not as good an idea as it may seem at first:
1) What are ‘good grades’?
To begin with, it is worth reflecting on the concept of “good grades”. And it is that just as we have spoken on other occasions about the concept of “good behavior”, speaking of “good grades” is quite subjective.
For example : Can we only evaluate if the grades are good when the child is graded with numerical grades? And if not, how do you know if you’ve gotten “good grades”? When the bulletin is of numerical grades: does getting “good grades” mean passing all the subjects, or should the child have obtained a 10 in each of them? And if he gets a 10 in Mathematics, but a 4 in Language, are they no longer “good grades”? What happens if that 10 has been taken without any effort, but instead the 4 has meant a lot of effort and sacrifice to the child?
As is logical, the concept that each family handles about “good grades” does not have to coincide . Moreover, it may even vary within the same family, or between parents and children.
However, we adults are the ones who impose our criteria about what we consider “good” or “bad” grades. We act as judges of our children, ignoring the most important thing : the value of their effort and their own self-evaluation.
2) The value of effort
After an entire course full of challenges, sacrifices, early risers, homework and study, children must understand that the grades obtained are the prize in itself .
For this, we must instill in our children the value of effort since they are small, always encouraging them to give the best of themselves and valuing their perseverance and work.
Once they have internalized this important life teaching, our children will understand the reasons why it is worth making an effort every day, and they will feel proud of the goals they achieve ; being in this case the goal, the end of the course and the grades obtained.
3) The importance of self-assessment
In line with the above, it should be the child who evaluates himself and reflects on the results obtained : “Do my grades correspond to the effort I have made during the course?”; “Am I proud to have obtained this qualification”; “Could I have given more than I have given this course?” “Am I satisfied with my grades?” …
This reflection exercise is very healthy and positive, as it helps the child to get to know himself better, to evaluate his own actions and consequences, to analyze his weak and strong points, and to look for possible solutions for the future.
While they are young, parents must accompany them in this exercise with respect and curiosity, allowing them to ‘dive’ inside themselves and reach their own conclusions.
4) Rewards condition behavior
Although it is not always easy to be aware of this, the truth is that rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin. And it is that like the punishment, the prize aims to modify the child’s behavior using an external factor; in this case, a reward or prize.
It may be that when the external motivation that was leading him to act in that way disappears , the behavior is extinguished. That is to say, if we have not educated our son in the importance of taking responsibility for his actions, but rather we have conditioned his behavior based on rewards ( “if you study to get good grades, I will give you a reward” ), when we stop reward him our son will stop studying and making an effort.
How to recognize the effort of the child without resorting to prizes?
But be careful! Because the fact that we do not reward our children for the grades they get does not mean that we should not value their effort and the work done throughout the course.
Children need the unconditional support of their parents to continue advancing (both academically and in any other challenge in life). They need our daily encouragement and push to remind them how valuable and capable they are when it comes to getting things done.
When our children feel encouraged by us, they will grow up proud, confident and happy with what they do, regardless of awards or the opinions of others. Because they will have learned to act with autonomy, freedom and responsibility.
In addition, thanks to our encouragement and unconditional support, we will teach our children to discover their own strengths and virtues, experience the consequences of their actions, learn from mistakes and understand the importance and value of effort and improvement.
But above all, our children will understand that the important thing is not the note itself, but the effort made , the perseverance and the work behind it.
What if I want to give my son a gift?
If you still want to surprise your child with a gift at the end of the course (be it a trip, a toy or anything else you consider), our advice is not to link it to their grades .
In this sense, you could present it to him as a gift that you give each other to enjoy as a family after a year of school and hard work, or an original way to start the summer holidays, but always regardless of the grades he has taken. Because after all, enjoying time and the company of children should not be conditioned to a numerical grade.
Cover photo | Max Fisher (Pexels)
