As social beings that we are, we want to fit in and be part of groups , to feel valued. For this reason, throughout life, we try to cultivate this feeling of belonging within our social relationships.
Many times, as a result of that desire, we get to do things that, in reality, we do not want, so that they accept us. This happens especially in childhood and adolescence.
And it is that children want to be accepted and loved in groups, in the family, but also with their peers and friends. For fear of not being the only ones who think or act in a certain way, different from the rest, and that this leads them to stay out of the group, they can change their attitude or behavior.
Thus, peer pressure can lead them to do things that they don’t really want to do . They can be minor things, “unimportant”, or, especially in adolescence, more serious matters such as smoking, drinking or trying drugs.
The power of peer pressure
And it is that social pressure, or group pressure, is something we are immersed in throughout our lives. From childhood, and through adolescence, children tend to try to “fit in” to be accepted.
It is something very normal, especially in those ages, since to a large extent individual identity depends on social identity, as suggested by the Theory of Social Identity.
Social Identity Theory
The Theory of Social Identity was proposed by the British social psychologist Henri Tajfel in 1979. It suggests that the groups to which we belong define us and, in addition, influence us when it comes to evaluating ourselves.
Why do children and adolescents want to fit into the group?
What we are talking about has a lot to do with our self-esteem; And it is that, especially in childhood and adolescence, this depends on the feeling of social belonging.
What happen? That children and adolescents want to fit in , because the group gives them security and helps them build their own self-concept.
Self-concept, according to Tajfel, is largely shaped by their social identity . And this was defined by Tajfel as “the knowledge that an individual possesses that he / she belongs to certain social groups, together with the emotional significance and value that said belonging has for him / her.”
In this way, if children and adolescents feel valued and integrated into the group, their self-esteem increases, and their self-concept is better defined, which directly impacts their social identity. For this reason, they can get to do things that they do not really want because of that desire to fit in and to belong.
How to help your child manage peer pressure
But how do you manage that peer pressure? How do we help our children, young or older, to do it? We give you seven key ideas that can help you:
Boost your self-esteem
Lack of self-esteem can increase the desire to belong to a group that makes us feel better and, therefore, increase the risk of doing things that we do not really want to “please” others or feel accepted.
Therefore, good self-esteem can be a key element so that the opinions of others do not have such a high impact on children and adolescents. It is important, in this sense, to reinforce our children a lot, recognizing their worth.
Talk openly about sensitive topics
Surely there are issues that concern you more than others in relation to your children; in adolescence, for example, they worry about the fact that they try drugs , that they drink alcohol … just because others encourage them to do so.
If these or other issues concern you, we encourage you to speak directly to your children, in a close and open way. This will help you understand where your child is, to help him, and it will give him the opportunity to answer questions, to express himself …
Of course, to start with this type of conversation, it will be important that mutual trust has been worked hard .
Cultivate an environment of trust
In line with the previous point, cultivating an atmosphere of trust will be important so that your children feel free to express what they really feel . And this will encourage them to ask you any doubts they have when, for example, their friends pressure them to do X or Y.
In addition, it is also a way of working on their assertiveness (explained in the next point) and that they can express their opinion with more confidence, even if it is far from the group opinion.
Work assertiveness
Assertiveness is the ability to give our opinion and express our needs and feelings clearly, honestly and without hurting the other. It includes the ability to set limits or say “no.”
Rees and Graham (1991), cited in a 2009 study by Laura Gaeta and Agris Galvanovskis, published in the journal Teaching and Research in Psychology , consider that assertiveness implies “respecting oneself and others by having the basic belief that own opinions, beliefs, thoughts and feelings are as important as anyone’s. “
For this reason, working on this skill with our children can help them manage peer pressure in situations that they really do not want, because it is a skill that allows us to set limits and respect our own ideas and feelings.
Help him get to know himself
Self-knowledge is another key element to reduce the probability of doing things that we really do not want , especially in childhood and adolescence. Why?
Because the fact of knowing little increases the probability that children and adolescents end up giving in, trying things that they do not know if they like or not because, precisely, they know little, etc.
On the other hand, those people who do know themselves well, who know their tastes, their limits … in short, who have a defined self-concept, are more likely not to get carried away by what they say, think or do. majority .
How to enhance self-knowledge in our children? Playing, spending time with them, trying new things, reinforcing their achievements, advising them from experience, respecting their tastes …
Promotes education in values
Promoting an education in values in our children from their first years of life implies teaching them that their actions can have important consequences.
That is to say, it implies teaching them to take charge of their actions, take responsibility for them and, above all, that they become aware of what they do. On the other hand, educating in values also implies transmitting the idea that good friends do not pressure, but respect .
These ideas can help your child better decide what it is that he really wants to do, releasing some of that peer pressure.
Teach him to face situations
There are multiple strategies for coping with conflicts, although some are more adaptive or healthy than others . One of them is avoidance, which is aimed at interrupting or dissolving conflicts, stressful situations, relationships … for example, through the avoidance of contact with the person.
Researchers from the University of Kyoto, in a 2013 study, concluded that the avoidance strategy often leads to both physical and psychological problems.
For this reason, it is important to educate your child so that, when he has to set limits with his friends or decide, he puts into practice healthy coping strategies , since avoiding the problem many times it becomes entrenched or chronic.
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