Adopting a child is an act of immense love , it is giving the soul to a little one who was not in our womb, but was in our hearts.
For a variety of reasons, many people adopt a child, and while it is a very happy process, it also raises many questions regarding parenting and approaching the issue of adoption.
“Little souls find their way to you, either from your womb or from another person.”
-Sheryl Crow-
How and when to tell our son that he is adopted? Is it advisable to do it? Is it something that should come naturally? Or should we schedule that conversation? We reflect on all this in Babies and more.
When to tell my child that he is adopted?
This is one of the most common questions that parents of adopted children frequently ask themselves, and it is not easy to determine when is the ideal time to have this conversation.
To be honest, there is no perfect time to do it . However, the ideal is for the topic to be gradually introduced into everyday conversations, answering the questions of their age that they ask about their birth.
If your child was adopted very young, you can start bringing it up around the age of three, which is when they start asking questions about where they came from .
It is likely that when he sees a pregnant woman he will ask you about the subject.
“The bond that unites his true family is not one of blood, but one of respect and joy in the lives of others.”
-Richard Bach-
We know that it is scary, and that this moment can generate a lot of fear in parents, but it is important that you do not lie to them .
Explain to him in a simple way, and as he grows he will be able to delve more and more into the subject, at which time you will be able to respond to the concerns that are presented to him.
How do I tell my child that he is adopted? Take into account their age
The first thing to consider is the age of your child; Thus, you should prepare to approach the subject depending on how old he is (also, obviously, taking into account his needs and personal characteristics).
If your child was adopted older, you probably remember it, but still have doubts. Answer them with sincerity and a lot of love.
“Adopting an older child is a journey, a developing relationship, and a wonder to behold!”
– Karlene Edgemon-
For younger children, it is a good idea to use resources, such as stories , books, or videos, that raise the issue of adoption, to introduce them to this concept. This will make it much easier for them to understand what it is about.
“Adoption is when a child grew up in his mother’s heart instead of in her stomach.”
-Anonymous-
Another idea that we leave you is that you can create your own children’s story, with which you tell the adoption process and explain that you were looking forward to it.
Some ideas to get started
You can tell him, for example, that when he was very very small and a baby, he was in the womb of another woman, but that you waited for him with a lot of love, until he came into your arms .
This as a starting point, and as an idea, but always without embellishing reality, distorting it or making use of lies.
What should I consider?
There are some aspects that we recommend that you always keep in mind when talking with your child about his adoption. Among them we find:
Honesty
Honesty is essential when addressing the issue of adoption. Avoid making things up and explain your story as much as possible.
However, we know that there are very complex cases, where the origin of the child is very complicated, and in these cases some parts can be ignored and discussed as our child grows .
Trust
Create a bond of trust in your child so that he feels that he can ask you directly any questions or concerns he has in relation to his adoption.
Give him the freedom to ask questions and receive clear and honest answers.
Patience
Be prepared for your child to ask you the same questions multiple times; therefore, cultivate patience. As you grow and understand better, you will want to know more about your adoption.
It is very likely that he will ask you the same thing several times over the years. You will have to adapt your answer to his age and his level of understanding.
“Adoption has been a part of my life and a part of my family, that’s how I wanted to start. It felt natural and right for me. “
-Katherine Heigl-
Prepare for the reaction
No one knows how the child will react to the news that he is adopted (that is why it is so important to prepare them).
Some take it very well, but for others this can lead to a lot of stress and confusion.
This can lead to behavioral changes that can even be hostile or negative. You can ask for professional help to manage your emotions and help you process the information.
Love
One of the main problems when talking about adoption is that many children think that their biological parents abandoned them because of them.
Many tend to think that they are bad and that is why they left them. Therefore, it is important that you always remind him that this is not true and that it was not his fault. Remind him how much you love him .
“Adoption has the added dimension of connecting not just with your own tribe, but beyond, broadening the scope of what constitutes love, bonds, and family. It is the biggest hug ”.
-Isabella Rossellini-
Addressing the issue progressively
We know that there is no perfect time to tell your child that he or she is adopted, and that this process is not easy. But this doesn’t have to be a taboo topic that can’t be talked about, nor does it have to be a traumatic experience for the whole family.
With love as the standard, you can approach the issue of adoption, always taking into account the child’s level of understanding.
Let him speak, ask questions, and answer his questions in a clear, honest and simple way, giving him the possibility to speak without feeling judged or having his concerns rejected.
The importance of love and patience
Also be very patient, as the topic will surely involve many conversations that can be, in some cases, repetitive.
Understand that your child is understanding everything, that he needs time and access to information constantly, to be able to understand.
Always remind him that he is a loved and expected child , and that there is nothing wrong with adoption; It is a different path towards mother / fatherhood that must also be normalized with them.
And finally, remind him that you lovingly chose him to be your son.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels), Image 4 (pexels)
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