Feeling accepted and loved is essential for human beings to feel fulfilled and happy. And children especially seek validation or social approval , especially among parents (and more so when they are young), because that reinforces their self-esteem.
That is why it is very important that as parents we accept our children as they are, and most importantly, that we learn to respect them.
Various investigations and theories, among which the Person-Centered Therapy of the American psychologist Carl Roger stands out, emphasize acceptance as a fundamental part of raising children, this being a topic of great relevance for parents.
It is clear that as fathers and mothers we love our children unconditionally, but do we also accept them unconditionally?
Do we place expectations on them? What kind of expectations? To what extent do we accept them unconditionally? Why is it important to accept children as they are and how to do it?
“The certainty of their parents’ love makes children invulnerable.”
-Goethe-
unconditional acceptance
One of the most difficult things about parenthood can be accepting that our children are independent people and different from us.
This implies that their tastes, attitudes, ways of seeing the world and of acting can differ enormously from ourselves.
And it is that even before they are born, we imagine what our children will be like and we fantasize about the type of people they will be , basing all this on our own wishes and expectations. But let us tell you that this is not always the case.
The expectations we place on children
And it is right here when the conflict arises, noticing that our children are not as we expected; And they don’t have to be! They are people with their own emotional lives, experiences and qualities that make them unique.
For this reason, the first step will be to mourn everything that we expected from them, and that may not come. Our goal must be their happiness , even if they reach it through paths that, at first, perhaps we did not imagine.
“The best legacy of a father to his children is a little of his time each day.”
-Leon Batista Alberti-
Respect
Respect is the fundamental foundation of any relationship, and this of course includes the relationship we have with our children. Learning to accept others is about respect, understanding that we are not all the same and that is okay.
Even if there are some things you don’t like about your child, it’s important that you can respect them.
Remember that this is not a copy of you, but an independent person who has his own thoughts and emotions and who, like everyone else, may agree with you on some things and not on others. And above all, value their strengths and strengths!
Building a healthy self-concept
Respecting our children is essential so that they can forge a healthy self-concept and form a strong and healthy bond with you as a father or mother.
In addition, you will learn to respect and accept the differences of others, becoming a good person.
“We cannot model our children according to our wishes, we must be with them and love them as God has given them to us.”
-Goethe-
A matter of self-esteem and bond
When our children feel and know they are accepted and loved unconditionally, they can develop more fully and healthily . And it is that their self-esteem is largely determined by the relationship they have with their parents and/or caregivers, mainly during their childhood.
We talk about attachment, that very special first bond. And this can be the difference between growing up confident or having self-confidence issues.
We know that it is not always easy to accept our children’s differences, but it is very important to do our best to do so.
Limits are not incompatible with unconditional acceptance
It is understandable that you do not like everything about your child, and there will also be times when we must set limits and rules (education is also that, and we must not forget it).
But never forget to treat your children with great respect, even if you do not share the same ideas. Remember that to a large extent, your child will see himself based on how you treat him.
I find it hard to accept my son’s way of being
One of the situations that can arise during parenting is not being able to accept the way our children are. Perhaps we wish they were different, or they have behaviors or attitudes that bother us.
This situation usually generates a lot of discomfort and guilt in parents, but you need to know that it is more common than you think , although it is a subject that is rarely talked about. That is why we must make visible and normalize.
The importance of checking
Our children’s behavior largely reflects our upbringing; then, when there is something that we do not like, it is necessary to do an introspection process about the parenting styles and patterns that we are following.
If, in addition, there are some things that we dislike a lot about our children, it is important to evaluate it in therapy, because normally “what bothers me in others I must check in myself.”
Many times our children are our best mirrors so that we can see the things that we do not want to accept in ourselves.
The importance of being able to make mistakes and change
Being parents is not easy, and many times paternity puts us before complex tests. Don’t feel bad if you think you’ve done something wrong, that happens to all of us.
But you have the courage to accept and change, and that is something very valuable and that says a lot about who you are as a person and as a father or mother.
It’s perfectly normal to have some stumbles when we navigate parenthood. Trust me, you are doing well!
Accept our children in their entirety
And above all, encourage yourself to accept your child in its entirety, with its weaknesses and its strengths; try to see the good that there is, also, in their weak points and in their difficulties.
And accompany him to improve, to learn and to look for his own way towards happiness, always by your hand.
“Give me wings to fly, and roots to grow.”
Photos | Portada (freepik)
