Challenging behaviors are normal in adolescence, and it is right there when our children begin to test what the limits are. However, this can be a real challenge for parents.
Thus, this can be somewhat complicated for us when we see that they question everything or even that they rebel against not doing what we ask of them.
But you must bear in mind that it is not something exclusive to your child, but rather the particularities of the stage of the life cycle in which he is. How to face this stage with our children? What to do if my teenager challenges me?
“Youth without rebellion is precocious servitude.”
-Joseph Engineers-
My teenage son challenges me: why it happens and what we can do
Why is my teenage son challenging me?
Our children, during their growth, go through different stages of development, and adolescence is one of the most complex, since it is the step of leaving childhood behind and heading towards adulthood.
During this stage, constant changes are everyday, and this can become very overwhelming. In this sense, it is common for our adolescents to be annoyed by anything , and it is that many times they do not know how to feel or act in the face of so many changes.
The way in which they face this period is generally with challenging behaviors, testing their own limits to know what, as parents, we allow or not allow them to do.
We know that it can be very complicated, but keep calm and remember that it is only a stage and that it will pass. Always remember to treat your children with love, even when they are challenging , because it is precisely at this stage when they most need to be understood and know that they are loved and respected by us.
“Adolescence is a new birth, since with it more complete and higher human traits are born.”
-G. Stanley Hall-
Remember: it’s not personal
When our teenagers challenge us, they may say some hurtful things, but you must always keep in mind that this is not an attack directly against you.
Your son does not hate you, he is simply going through a complex moment full of changes that make him feel confused.
In this sense, we must always remember that we are the adults and that we have the necessary maturity to face the various circumstances that arise, understanding that for our adolescents this may seem impossible and overwhelming.
Coherence above all
One of the things that we must always keep in mind when raising our children is consistency.
We cannot establish rules and regulations that we break at convenience and expect our children to comply with them, nor can we offer or promise things that we are not going to comply with.
It is very important to also be consistent with the consequences of the actions of our adolescent children; and with consequences we do not mean the negative (or punishments).
When they do something inappropriate, it is important that the consequences are consistent with their action and with what we have previously established with them.
Similarly, they should also know that there are positive consequences, and that if they do the right thing and act correctly, they can have access to things they want, like going out with friends.
Be firm and take care of communication
When your teenager challenges you it is important to remain calm, remember that the adult is you. Stand firm in your decisions and do not give in to the pressure of their demands.
It is important that you keep in mind that your tone of voice is calm, that you speak without being disrespectful but firmly . If necessary, breathe to calm down and stay on your feet with what you have previously raised, it is important not to give in.
Do not give long explanations, it is not necessary to explain a thousand times why they should or should not do something, if you have already told them what you expect, you do not have to justify yourself. But be careful here, don’t assume your teen knows what you’re thinking, either.
Put yourself in their shoes: the importance of empathy
Many times we judge our teenagers and it seems that we have forgotten how everything felt during that time, in which even the smallest thing seemed to be the cause of an imminent misfortune that would end our lives.
And it is not about being exaggerated , it is simply the way in which we see and evaluate what happens to us in those years.
A little empathy is never too much. Try to put yourself in their shoes and not see things as an adult; it is about connecting with our adolescent version and trying to understand how we would have felt in those same circumstances.
Do not despair: you are doing well!
Being the parents of a teenage child can be very complex, but remember that it is transitory and that it is right there when your child needs to feel more loved and supported, even when he is defiant and challenging.
And above all, don’t worry; you’re doing fine . Strengthen yourself for it too!
“Good habits formed in youth make all the difference.”
-Aristotle-
Photos | cover (freepik)
