Living"Parents are more lost than ever." We spoke with...

"Parents are more lost than ever." We spoke with María Soto, educator at Positive Discipline, about parenting

We live in a hyperconnected society , where it is possible to access all kinds of information with the push of a button. But it is no secret that informational overexposure ends up disconnecting us from our own essence and our confidence , and when it comes to educating children, this can do us more harm than good.

“Parents are more lost than ever” , reflects María Soto, founder of Educa Bonito, educator in Positive Discipline and author of the book ‘Confidence one hundred, zero expectations’, a review of concepts that aims to help the reader to recover their place with respect to the childhood.

Confianza cien, expectativa cero: Cómo despertar para el crecimiento mutuo, desde la infancia hasta la adolescencia

One hundred trust, zero expectation: How to wake up for mutual growth, from childhood to adolescence

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But María insists that it is possible to “reconnect” with our own essence and recover the connection with our children , although for this it is essential to learn to trust ourselves and them.

Overinformation generates false expectations and disconnects us from our essence

Don’t you know how to change a car tire, fix a washing machine part or configure a computer program? There is no problem! Because on the Internet it is possible to find any type of information quickly and comfortably.

For some, this unlimited access is a privilege, although when we talk about education and parenting it is easy to feel confused and disoriented among so many tips.

And it is that anyone on social networks seems to have the key to educating your children, and through dances and reels they offer guidelines for applying positive methodologies , which have become so fashionable in recent years.

For many experts in education and upbringing such as María Soto, these “fads” do not do all the good, because although deep down they seek to share with families principles based on mutual respect for children, it is not so simple and “magical”. “As it may seem .

“People have given up at the speed of the current rhythm and it seems that we are going to be able to educate well by following what they dance to us on a reel”, laments María.

I often hear how other influencers say spread with dances and tips because they say that it is what people like . But talking about education carries a lot of responsibility. There are people who are going to trust what you launch, and in general, we tend to stick to headlines or tips.

The excess of information, but above all the inconsistency, is doing a lot of damage when it comes to educating and raising children – considers María Soto.

In this sense, his new book reviews how all these positive methodologies are being applied , and analyzes whether in some way they are creating unattainable expectations in parents that add even more pressure to their lives.

We have internalized limiting beliefs based on unrealistic expectations that we think we must meet in order to be a good parent. But since most of those expectations are unattainable, a dissonance is created in our brain that blocks us.

According to María, this not only happens because of the informational overexposure that surrounds us, but because we have lost our own confidence when it comes to educating , as well as the ability to learn and solve problems.

How to regain confidence to educate our children?

1) Connect with yourself and with your children

To try to find out the reason for this disconnection with our own essence , María invites us to reflect on the education we received as children and how that education has influenced when it comes to educating our own children.

Behaviorism, the pedagogy in which we grew up, was responsible for making us believe that by making mistakes we cease to be suitable or sufficient. But in reality, the basis of human learning is precisely the “trial-error”.

According to the expert, this type of education disconnected us from ourselves and, therefore, from the ability to connect with others, falling into absolute self-centeredness. When it comes to educating our own children, this disconnection leads us to “dance” between two waters :

Sometimes we are permissive because it suits us, and sometimes we are authoritarian for the same reason. We are incapable of connecting with others and we form a society of isolated individuals who move aimlessly , sometimes allowing -to avoid anger- and other times subduing -when rush invades us, for example-.

2) Practice mindful parenting

The fact that parents do not have a clear direction when it comes to educating their children, and that we do not know how to listen to ourselves or connect with others , generates great insecurity in us .

But María assures that it is possible to get out of this spiral by going back to our origins:

To begin with, it is necessary to slow down, remember that we are part of a whole that transcends us and not stay in the material , which is what separates us from our essence. Today there are too many interferences that make us lose our inner balance.

“We must ‘rediscover’ ourselves: go out into nature, spend a family day without toys or screens, just enjoying being together. We will realize how ‘far’ we were from our own essence and from others.”

3) Clear, consistent and agreed limits

Precisely, Positive Discipline speaks of the need for connection of the human being and how respect and horizontality in relationships with children help to establish a climate of harmonious coexistence.

But María laments that this educational philosophy, which has become so fashionable in recent years, is being distorted and losing its essence:

People believe that Positive Discipline is a tool for children to obey without yelling, so that they do not fight or so that they pay attention to us without complaining. But that is covert behaviorism.

Positive Discipline is much more . It is the hand of Adlerian pedagogy, a current that defends the establishment of limits from respect for human processes.

“If we want to apply Positive Discipline we must be willing to respect our children, and not continue pretending that they do what we need.”

We must be able to apply limits based on respect, connection and empathy. The Adlerian pedagogy gives us the keys so that the limits belong to the whole society, and teaches us that they are only respected when the people who have to take advantage of them have participated in their elaboration.

In this sense, María invites us to make a final reflection: are the limits that we place on our children really coherent and respect all parties? Or on the contrary, are they limits imposed to simplify life for adults?

4) Change the way you look at your children

Too often we see our children as incomplete beings who need to learn everything from us. “Our gaze is its starting point” , Maria reminds us.

“If we look at them with curiosity, instead of with fear or judgement, they will be able to develop all their skills. Superiority or verticality is the biggest mistake that parents make . Everything we do from there disconnects us from them and we will stop being seen as your reference people”

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