Have you ever thought that perhaps you were too demanding with your children? Do you think the requirement is positive for them? To what extent should we demand them, and on what issues…?
In this article we reflect on the requirement when it comes to educating our children : when can it harm them and when not? How?
Where should we compromise, and when should we learn to be more flexible? We encourage you to discover more.
What is the requirement and what is it for?
The RAE defines the requirement as a ” requirement or forced need for an action to occur “. In itself, the word does not sound particularly good… however, the requirement does not have to be bad per se either.
And it is that, in reality, what matters is not so much “whether we are demanding or not”, but how we apply that requirement with our children , in what things, with what measure and/or intensity…
On the other hand, note that the demand can come from the outside (when we demand something from others) or from within (when we talk about self-demand).
The truth is that being demanding can help us improve and do things well (or better), but sometimes that demand can create pressure. For this reason, it is important to find the middle point, the balance, and above all, adapt to the needs and characteristics of our children when it comes to educating and accompanying.
When is the demand excessive?
As we said, being demanding with our children may seem reasonable in some cases; for example, if this demand is aimed at motivating them, at getting the best out of themselves…
However, this demand is excessive when it pressures them , when it makes them feel bad or insufficient… That is, when it no longer serves to teach or educate but to pressure or discourage.
The Negative Effects of Being Overly Demanding Parents
So, what can harm an excessive demand in the education of our children? Some of its possible consequences are:
- Feel pressured.
- Low self-esteem.
- Feeling that “they are not enough”, or “they do not do enough”.
- Fear of disappointing .
- Feeling of frustration.
- Behavioral disorders or disobedience.
- emotional upset
- stress and anxiety
- emotional insecurity.
- Depression.
- Social difficulties.
Overly demanding types of parents
We find different types of parents who are too demanding with their children. Each of them has specific characteristics, as well as a fairly defined parenting style.
We collect three of the most important (remember that we are talking about general characteristics, and that there are always exceptions):
rigid parents
We are talking about dominant, rigid and severe parents with rules and limits. They apply discipline on a recurring basis. They tend to be very inflexible and apply punishment.
They also give explicit orders in order to impose their will and control their children.
They are very strict regarding the academic performance of their children, the activities they carry out, the type of friendship they must maintain with others…
When their children make mistakes, they are often intolerant and hostile. In addition, they ignore their emotional needs.
Parents with high expectations
We also find parents with high expectations of their children. They are parents who often “demand” their children notorious results in their performance at the academic, sports, work level (when they are older), etc.
The problem is that these high expectations are, in most cases, unattainable, which generates a lot of frustration in children and a constant feeling of being under pressure.
hypervigilant parents
In this case, we are talking about very critical and demanding parents. They are constantly monitoring the behavior of their children. They try to avoid at all costs that their children “behave badly”, make mistakes, make bad decisions…
They are overprotective parents, who become excessively involved in their children’s lives, either to control them or to prevent them from harming themselves.
The consequences for children, as in the previous cases, are not favorable for their psychological and emotional development .
What should we give up? When to be more flexible
If you have ever had the feeling that you were too demanding with your children, it is very likely that you have wondered when you should give in or be more flexible.
Although each family is different and will decide what their child needs most , we have compiled some key ideas that may be able to help you. We can learn to be more flexible in situations such as:
- Weekends; It is time to disconnect, enjoy and reduce demands.
- When your child is more sensitive than usual , for whatever reason.
- When the children are still young (we must adapt to their age and evolutionary stage).
- When kids mess up (they have every right to!).
- In situations related to free time, leisure or extracurricular activities.
Why is flexible education beneficial?
Although in specific cases it may be beneficial to be demanding with our children, the truth is that we have to measure that demand very well and be able to combine it with a flexible and tolerant education. What benefits does a flexible education have for children?
On the one hand, it is a type of education that will also promote flexibility in them , an emotional strategy that can be of great help in many situations (academic, social…).
In addition, through this education they will feel accompanied but not pressured, which is the best way to cultivate self-confidence and get the best out of oneself.
In addition, flexibility will also help them develop critical thinking , and will help them not to be too hard on themselves, to treat each other with love and respect, and to be empathic with others.
“If you foster love in your family, your children will go out of their way to make others happy.”
-Anonymous-
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)
Babies and more | Demanding too much from our children can make us unhappy parents, Very self-demanding children: how to accompany them?
