The hectic pace of life that we lead ends up engulfing children, who are often forced to speed up their natural rhythm to match ours. Added to this is the little time we spend with our children due to commitments and conciliation problems, as well as the growing demands that many parents place on their children’s education in the face of an increasingly competitive society.
For this reason, as a counterpart, a few years ago, a breeding current called “slow parenting” or “slow-fire breeding” was born. This type of parenting is based on respect for the rhythms of the child , who is helped to advance and learn without pressure, and from emotional accompaniment and physical presence.
Being respectful of children’s rhythms and abilities, not overloading them with activities or demanding more than they can give is essential for them to grow up happy and with healthy self-esteem.
We give you the keys to put into practice this type of aging over a slow fire.
1) Park the rush in your day to day
We adults live in a fast-paced world. The whirlwind of everyday life, the responsibilities in the different parts of our lives and the unforeseen events that always arise end up engulfing us in a thunderous way, forcing us to activate the ‘automatic pilot’ from the moment we get up until we go to bed.
But the problem arises when we transfer that rush and that accelerated life to our children . Children, who live in the here and now, who need time to develop their different abilities and who do not understand rush or stress, are suddenly engulfed by the demands of adults to do things when we want , without having to Keep in mind that their pace of life is completely different from ours.
When we hurry children we “disconnect” from them , because we stop respecting their rhythms and that wonderful quality typical of childhood of living fully in the current moment.
Therefore, when doing tasks that require haste (for example, getting dressed in the morning to get to school at the indicated time), it is advisable to do it with time, avoid falling into demands and shouts , explain the rules clearly so that they can contribute to its fulfillment or support us with resources that help the child understand the passage of time.
2) Respect your child’s maturational rhythms
How many of us have pushed our children to conquer stages for which perhaps they were not yet ready? Protecting ourselves in the phrase “as old as you are, you should already…!” , we force children to leave the diaper, repress their emotions or walk distances without arms or strollers – to give just a few everyday examples – without taking into account their maturational rhythms .
Stimulating a baby or child is good – as long as it is done in a respectful way – and promoting their autonomy, of course, too. But we have to be careful and not turn our rush to learn, evolve and conquer new achievements onto our children . It is essential to leave them space to enjoy their growth, without pressure or goals.
3) Do not overload your children’s agenda
Children’s schedules are often overloaded with extracurricular activities that take up most of their time, preventing them from playing freely, learning at their own pace and being able to encourage their imagination and creativity.
There are several reasons why we overload our children’s agenda:
– The lack of conciliation and the marathon work schedules of parents force us on many occasions to leave our children in one extracurricular activity after another, when their school day is over.
– Very much in line with the previous point, as our children grow it is also common to think that if we do not stimulate them correctly or offer them all kinds of activities and extracurricular activities, they will get bored, as if getting bored were something negative or harmful for children. .
– In recent years we have witnessed the appearance of a new breeding trend called intensive breeding. Parents who raise their children in this way seek that they have the best possible academic preparation, with the aim of ensuring a successful professional future. This has repercussions on an overloaded agenda with all kinds of activities, in order to guarantee the most complete training possible.
But demanding more from children than they are capable of giving and projecting our expectations onto our children, causing them unhappiness, stress and anxiety, and does not allow us to enjoy life and time together.
4) Promotes free play
Through play, children learn to communicate, socialize, empathize, improve self-confidence and acquire various skills. We know that play is a fundamental right of children , and it is not only a source of fun and learning, but also a fundamental activity for their development throughout childhood.
However, we do not always promote free play in children , and we often fall into directing their activities, clipping the wings of their creativity and imagination.
5) Positive treatment and communication
It is essential to treat our children with patience, respecting their rhythms and needs, and taking care of our language and the way we communicate with them. Let us remember that the abusive use of the ‘no’, the shouting, the impositions or the lack of attention on our part affects them in a negative way, in addition to giving them a bad example.
On the other hand, when establishing norms we must act with firmness and kindness at the same time; without demanding, yelling at them or making them feel bad, but being firm and not giving in or doing the part that corresponds to them.
6) Help your child to know himself
All people have strong and weak points that make up the hallmarks of our character. Unfortunately, in general, in the family and at school, there is a tendency to emphasize the faults and weaknesses of children more strongly, often ignoring their strengths.
But just as we would do with any person, we must accept children as they are ; without projecting our expectations onto them, or demanding more from them than they can give. Likewise, it is essential to maximize your virtues , since these will not only allow you to face the challenges of life, but also strengthen your self-esteem and contribute to your well-being and happiness.
In this sense, adults must make children aware of their strengths, helping them to love and value themselves, and encouraging them to rely on those virtues they have to solve any conflict that may arise.
7) Connect emotionally with your children
The rush of everyday life often prevents us from connecting with those we love most. Thus, it is easy to fall into laziness and forget to smile, to dedicate nice words to each other, to kiss each other goodnight or simply to listen to each other carefully.
The emotional connection with our children is essential for their development and well-being, since it allows them to grow up happy, confident and knowing that they are loved , which in turn affects their self-esteem and learning.
8) Dedicate exclusive time to them each day
As we said in the previous point, connecting emotionally with children has important advantages for everyone, but we could fall into the mistake of thinking that “connecting” takes time, something that we do not always have plenty of.
But simply by paying full attention to any daily activity that we do exclusively with them (for example, giving them a bath, having breakfast together, chatting about how things went at school…) we are already promoting that calm and that sure bond that they need.
9) Spend time with family
In addition to the exclusive time that we take with our children, it is also essential to carry out family activities that promote daily connection between all its members; from talking and listening with all our senses, to playing, practicing sports together, going for walks or making simple family plans.
We must avoid falling into excessive consumerism , screen entertainment or any other plan that distances us and does not facilitate interaction and communication between us.
10) Stand up, breathe and connect with yourself
All the parents that we educate and raise with love are perfect , wonderful and the best parents that our children can have.
Being a mother and father is complicated, we learn with our children and we all make mistakes at some point, just as we make mistakes in other areas of our lives. It is what the human being has, that he is constantly wrong, and we are human beings!
But just as we teach our children to learn from their mistakes, we must also learn from ours without guilt , without remorse and without flagellating ourselves for what happened.
And just as we forgive ourselves and move on, it is also important to rest, take care of ourselves, connect with ourselves and lighten our mental load, as this will have a positive impact on our attitude, feeling calmer and less stressed when doing things. .
11) Practice mindfulness
After a long day of school for the children and work for the elderly, there is nothing better than relaxing together with meditation, breathing exercises or yoga postures.
This type of activity is gaining more and more followers among children and families, as it brings important benefits to emotional development : it encourages mindfulness, improves concentration, reduces stress and anxiety, favors rest, improves social relationships. ..
On the Internet we can find endless tutorials, videos or online classes to practice this type of activity with our children and take advantage of its great advantages.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | Hyper-paternity: when we believe that always being on top of children is for their good, how do you want your child to be in the future? Educate him thinking about the essential qualities for life, 11 tips to introduce calm in our home and favor a positive environment for the development of our children