The Sears family, a pediatrician father, a nurse mother, eight children (some of them also pediatricians), several grandchildren, have dedicated their lives to childhood. They are the originators of the term “Attachment Parenting” and have written more than 40 books on pediatrics and parenting.
In what they have called the eight “B” of attachment parenting, they have succeeded in summarizing a parenting style based on closeness and continuous care, aware that a solid affective bond with parents during childhood is the best way for your well-being and happiness.
Taking as a premise that the needs of a baby and their desires are the same thing during the first months of life, even during the first years, they give eight basic premises to face a loving care of the baby that responds to their needs, both physiological and emotional .
What is attachment theory
According to attachment theory, babies establish a strong emotional bond with their parents , a precursor to security and empathy in personal relationships in adulthood. An inadequate establishment of a secure bond in childhood can lead to psychological difficulties.
Attachment parenting, originally proposed by John Bowlby, states that the child has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feels secure when that person is present and is sensitive to meeting their physical and emotional needs.
In the foreword to one of the Sears books entitled “Your son will sleep… and you too” there is a phrase that I have liked a lot and I have always had as an axiom.
“The time to hold your baby in your arms, at the breast and in bed is very short in relation to the total life of your child. Even so, the memory of their love and availability last a lifetime. “
There may be medical or family circumstances that prevent the eight “Bs” from being met. And beware, it does not mean that a baby who is not breastfed or does not sleep with his parents is going to be a baby who does not receive a loving nurturing. It’s not that. What you are trying to convey is a nurturing philosophy of connection with the baby, instinctive, positive, patient, sensitive and loving .
The Eight B’s of Attachment Parenting
All English words begin with “B”:
1) Birth bonding : emotional ties from birth
A skin-to-skin bond with the baby from the moment of birth encourages the creation of an early bond . The hours and days after delivery are a period of maximum sensitivity in which both mother and baby need shelter and mutual contact.
When for justified medical reasons that union cannot be created early, you can always make up for lost time. As soon as possible, it is advisable to regain contact between mother and baby.
The immediate mother-child bond is not like a glue that if not done at the first moment then it does not work, but an advantage that those who have the possibility of doing it run with. Bonding is a process that occurs between the two.
2) Breastfeeding : breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is the best food for the newborn. It is the most complete from a nutritional point of view, but it also provides comfort and a unique contact between mother and child .
It is a fundamental component to strengthen the affective bond between mother and baby, and is closely related to the previous premise of creating affective bonds from birth. Putting the baby to the breast right after birth is a very important step to start breastfeeding on the right foot, whenever possible.
There is a special chemistry between the mother and the baby who is breastfed. The infant’s contact with his mother’s breast triggers the production of oxytocin in the woman’s brain, which, upon entering the bloodstream, activates the mammary glands and strengthens the bond between the child and his mother.
3) Babywearing : carry the baby in your arms
Babies that are carried in arms or in baby carriers are safe, in direct contact with the person who is carrying them, usually their father or mother. They feel more protected, are less stressed and remain in a calm awake state, which allows them to better assimilate what is happening in their environment.
Babies in arms are happy babies (which is not to say that babies in a stroller are not), but what baby does not like to be in arms? The arms provide comfort and security.
In addition, the closeness and continuous contact with the baby allow you to get to know him better, strengthening the bond.
4) Beding close to baby : sleeping close to the baby
Sleeping with your baby in or near the same bed is a formula used by many families with young children. Sleeping with others avoids the separation anxiety that some children experience at night, causing them to sleep more and rest better.
Help children learn that sleep is a good time and that they are not alone.
In cases where the baby is breastfed, co-sleeping (derived from the English term co-sleeping) is, in addition to being beneficial, a practical method since they have the breast at their disposal at any time.
5) Belief in the language value of your baby’s cry : trust the value of your cry as a language
Crying is a baby’s way of communicating. He does not cry to “tease us”, but because he needs something. If we talk about the needs of a baby, we are not only talking about changing the diaper, covering it from the cold or feeding it, but also giving it security through arms, pampering, caresses and contact.
By understanding that crying is their language and trusting in the importance of that form of communication, the baby’s needs are better understood.
Babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate , and their crying should never be ignored.
6) Beware of baby trainers : be careful with training
Parenting based on instinct and contact allows one to discern the concept of counseling from that of training .
A rigid parenting style based on clocks and calendars is not a natural way to care for a baby. This does not mean that there are no routines at bedtime, but it must not be forgotten that the needs of the baby are above the schedules and desires of adults.
Training methods cause mistrust in children and an estrangement between parents and baby, when parenting should be based primarily on trust.
7) Balance : keep a balance
Finding a healthy balance is important in all aspects of life, and also in raising children.
You learn to be parents and it is your children who teach you. Something that is often confused is to believe that by prioritizing the needs of children they are allowed to do whatever they want, and they are not.
One of the keys to happy parenting is learning to find the balance between respectful parenting and whimsical parenting.
Parents try to understand the psychological needs of their children, in order not to have unrealistic expectations of children’s behavior.
The discipline for this philosophy takes into account the age of the child to avoid the frustration that occurs when things are expected beyond the child’s ability.
Discipline means guiding children, showing them the natural consequences of their actions, listening, modeling, and discarding punitive means such as slapping or time out.
8) Both : both parents
Some call them the seven “B” of baby care, but a final premise has been added: both, referring to the participation of father and mother in the care of the baby , both during the day and at night.
That both are involved in the care of the child, in meeting their demands, in their education, in the values that you want to transmit to them, fosters a better understanding.
In addition, the rapport between mom and dad is key to creating a healthy family bond. Empathy and respect between family members, both between parents and between parents and children, generates an environment of reciprocity in which the child feels safe, at ease, and also learns to treat others with respect.
In Babies and more | Raising Happy Children: Keys to Positive and Respectful Parenting
