The term BDSM may be more familiar to us than the word “kink” or “kinky”, especially for all those who are not millennials (or generation Y). BDSM refers to ‘consensual practices that involve, but are not limited to, bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadomasochism, comprised of a power dynamic between sexual partners enacted through various activities.
Today’s youth and young adults use the term kinky to refer to BDSM, that is, “engaging in behaviors that generate a certain power dynamic, experiencing attraction to acts with certain power dynamics, and adopting an identity that conveys a certain power dynamics “(as explained by writer Jillian Keenan in 2014’s ” Is Kink a Sexual Orientation? “).
Kinky sex, therefore, contrasts with vanilla sex , which would define the conventional or normative. It does not have a medical or technical definition, but it refers to a sexual practice that falls outside of convention, far from acts such as romantic conversation, kissing, vaginal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex. Thus, within kinky sex we would find:
Types of kinky sex
– BDSM: Includes an extremely wide range of activities, from light spanking and dominant / submissive role plays to bondage parties and pain games.
– Fantasy and role-playing games. One of the most common forms of kinky sex is creating imaginary scenarios. It could be as simple as talking about a fantasy in bed or as complex as wearing costumes or acting out scenes in front of strangers.
– Fetishes: One in four men and women is interested in fetish play, defined as sexually treating a non-sexual object or part of the body. Common fetishes include feet and shoes, leather or rubber, and diapers (autonepiphilia).
– Voyeurism or exhibitionism. Watching someone undress or watching a partner have sex without their knowledge are common voyeur fantasies, while having sex in a public place is a form of exhibitionism. Both are surprisingly common: 35% of the adults surveyed were interested in voyeurism.
– Group sex: Threesomes, sex parties, orgies and more: group sex is any act that involves more than two people.
According to a large-scale survey conducted a decade ago by Susan Wright, the most frequent less conventional sexual behaviors gave these percentages: between 75% and 90% of the practitioners were bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, spanking, leather, role playing, exhibitionism, polyamory, fetish dress and voyeurism.
In the public mind, kinky sex is often equated to “weird sex,” something they don’t understand and generally don’t approve of. If it weren’t for mainstream erotica and softcore porn (like “ Fifty Shades of Gray “), you might not be used to experimenting with limits in the bedroom. And if it weren’t for anonymous studies, we might not know how many people have tried it, and liked it.
It is not such a “rare” practice
According to the Sexual Exploration in America Study published in 2015 in the journal PloS One , more than 22% of sexually active adults participate in role plays, while more than 20% have been involved in being tied up and spanked. And what is perhaps more surprising is that another survey found that almost half of the 1,040 people surveyed were interested in trying sexual practices, even if they had not had a chance to explore it. And there is a growing body of research showing that kinky sex in the bedroom could have multiple benefits, both for health and relationships.
You are not “crazy” or “weird” for wanting to try BDSM
BDSM is often associated with abuse and violence, but studies show that the average individual who engages in these types of consensual sexual practices has above-average psychological health. All you need is imagination and a partner to play along.
If you enjoy certain fetishes or want to explore the world more thoroughly, there is nothing wrong with it. Plus, you don’t even need bandages or handcuffs if you want to play around with sensory deprivation or restraints – a tie or pillowcase can do both.
Although this type of sexual practice has many benefits, there are a few things to keep in mind to make your explorations fun, safe and positive: consent, setting safe words (seriously, no jokes), thinking and setting limits, making sure the pain is pleasant and without consequences for the health and do not forget the aftercare, since there are women who experience postcoital dysphoria or post-intercourse depression, which includes symptoms such as anxiety, irritability or crying for no reason. Countering this situation with aftercare, which incorporates emotional intimacy and communication, is really important, especially for BDSM.
