LivingWhen the environment tells us how to educate our...

When the environment tells us how to educate our children: how to manage criticism and gain self-confidence in parenting

Education and upbringing are some of the most complex situations we face in life. And it is that nobody has the exact instructions to know what and how to do everything perfectly when raising our children (it is what they say that children are not born with a manual under their arm!).

And, in addition to the uncertainty that we face as parents in every situation that comes our way, many times we must also deal with the opinions of the environment, who try to tell us how we should educate our little ones.

If you are a mother or father, you have surely faced this type of situation at some point, in which others seem to know how we should do everything . This, on many occasions, can become a real annoyance. If you want to know what to do in these cases, continue reading.

“Your children require you above all so that you love them for who they are, not so that you spend all your time trying to correct them.”

-Bill Ayers-

When the environment tells us how to educate our children: opinions or criticism?

When someone approaches us to give parenting advice, we can find two types of intentions:

  1. Those who honestly want to help us with their experience to better raise our children.
  2. Those who think they know what is best and assume that we are wrong.

In the first case, we generally speak of people who are very close to us who only want our well-being and who, without forcing or judging, try to show us more accurate ways to manage some situations related to the education of our children.

It is, therefore, about people who only want our well-being, and it is easy to recognize them, because they talk to us about their experiences, with a lot of love, and they do not make us feel bad for doing things differently from how they have done them.

feeling of discomfort

However, in this type of situation, even if they are not malicious, we can also feel uncomfortable, since after all, who better than us is going to know what our child needs?

And that does not mean that we cannot make mistakes, or that we are not open to learning and continuing to improve.

On the other hand, there are those who believe they are absolutely right, and who continually tell us what to do, but this time not from love and understanding of how stressful being parents can be , but from criticism, believing that their parenting methods are correct and that we are simply wrong.

Before this last type of person (and also before the previous ones, when we feel that way), it is important to establish limits and have a policy of zero tolerance for disrespect.

Invalidation of one’s own decisions

It can be our parents, relatives or close friends, but we must not tolerate that because of their close relationship we accept disrespect, the invalidation of our decisions or interference. How do we do it?

The importance of setting clear boundaries

Not all the people who approach us with advice or recommendations about how to educate our children do so with bad intentions or with the purpose of criticizing.

However, it is very important that we can establish clear limits before all people, and let them know that when we want to hear some recommendation or advice, we will simply ask for it .

unsolicited tips

So, when someone approaches us with a suggestion, we simply limit ourselves to answering that thank you very much for your appreciation, but next time if we need any advice, we will ask you.

Explain to her that you don’t question her parenting abilities or her intentions, but that you want to have your own experiences with her rights and wrongs, and if you need any guidance, you’ll let her know.

Of course, it is also important not to stubbornly give a thousand explanations or justify ourselves , because we don’t have to; sometimes it just takes a “thank you, but I don’t need this right now.”

Constancy, respect and assertiveness

Repeat this as many times as necessary. Some people will understand and respect your position right away, and others will find it a bit more difficult. Just remember to be constant in maintaining your posture, always with a lot of respect and assertiveness.

“There is no such thing as a perfect father. So just be a real one.”

-Sue Atkins-

Your instinct: your greatest ally

Educating our children is a complex task that demands all our abilities from us, and even forces us to develop new skills. As parents we want to do our best for our children to grow up healthy and happy, and this can be overwhelming at times.

In addition, today with access to the internet and books, and with it, a wide variety of information about parenting styles and how to educate our children, we can feel even more lost than at the beginning. It is easy to feel drowned in so much information.

information is useful

Although there are books, manuals and diverse materials that are of great help and a large number of experts that we can quote or follow on social networks that present very useful information, it is also true that we can feel saturated with all this and Without knowing what to do.

The importance of listening to yourself

In this case just breathe, close your eyes and listen to yourself. Your own instinct will tell you what to do; trust you, there is no one better than you to know what your children need. Just remember to always show them your love, not only with words but also with deeds.

And remember that your children’s main role model is you, and that it is important that your behavior is consistent with what you expect of them (although you can also allow yourself to fail! You are not perfect or necessary).

“The best kind of father you can be is to lead by example.”

-Drew Barrymore-

Photos | cover (freepik)

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