A team of researchers led by the University of Oklahoma (USA) has shown that having sex with an ex (or simply keeping him or her in the background by chatting with him or her in a more than friendly way) puts us in a bad mood ; It leads to negative feelings all over the place, even if you don’t sleep with him or her.
Experts surveyed nearly 400 adults who were in long-term relationships (averaging a 7-year relationship), finding that more than half kept someone else “as a backup,” in the background. However, doing so created bad feelings for both the other person and themselves, especially when the flirt is supposedly in an exclusive relationship.
Have you been in contact with an ex while the lockdown lasted?
Apparently, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused crowds of people to have tried or managed to reconnect with their ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, hoping to keep them close, in the background, for fun. The psychological consequences are not positive at all according to the results.
The researchers concluded that 62% of the participants claimed to keep someone in the “background” , despite the fact that 92% of the group identified the relationship they had with their partner as “exclusive” and 85% were married.
What’s more, half of those surveyed said that the person in said “background” was actually one of their ex-partners, something unhealthy for either party (some were not even fooling around with a single ex, but with various). The research found that even if someone routinely communicates with an ex in a strictly platonic way, staying in contact with a former partner could result in conflict, guilt, or even dissolution of a relationship.
“If having an ex in the background translates into more communication, more sexual activity, and bad feelings towards the admirer, then those in committed relationships may wish to exercise more caution before forming a background relationship with an ex-partner,” comments John Banas of the University of Oklahoma in his study published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.
More women than men are bonding with their exes
When it comes to sex with an ex, women are more likely to go down that path than men, according to the study. In fact , 54% of women have had sex with a former partner, according to a survey. In the case of men, it was only 44%. While most people say the reason they do it is that being with a former partner is comforting, at least 14% of respondents admit that they had sex with a former partner because they wanted to reconcile with her.
“As we see society reopening, it appears that usage continues to increase during what is known as ‘The Summer of Love,’ making it increasingly important to study new trends in connection for friendship and love. romance, ”concludes Brenda K. Wiederhold of the Interactive Media Institute in California.
Reference: Simmering on the Back Burner or Playing with Fire? Examining the Consequences of Back-Burner Digital Communication Among Ex-Partners John A. Banas, Jayson L. Dibble, Elena Bessarabova, and Michelle Drouin Published Online: 15 Jul 2021 Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2020.0717
